


This is how life is (문제가있는)

by kaisdaddy



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Absent Parents, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Bullying, Character Death, Child Abuse, Depression, EXO-centric, Fighting, High School AU, Homophobia, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Underage Drinking, a lot of subtle ships tbh i wont tag all, kaisoo is there and soft, lesbians and gays, mention of drugs, mention of rape, mentions of abuse, set in the US
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2018-09-27 12:58:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 65,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10021727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaisdaddy/pseuds/kaisdaddy
Summary: Junmyeon has been abused through his childhood and when his mother found out she takes him with her and moves to South Carolina. And a new place means a new school and a new school means new people. He's lucky to find a few nice people early on, but he soon realizes that most kids aren't as friendly like they were in his school back in North Carolina.





	1. new start

Starting a new school was always difficult and nerve wracking. But anything was better than being back at home with _him_ Junmyeon told himself as he sat in an outworn blue plastic chair outside the principal’s office. It was the first day of the semester after Christmas and Junmyeon had moved from North to South Carolina after his mother, Kim Yu-bin, got enough of his father and took Junmyeon with her and moved, to Junmyeon’s relief too.

 

He’d been in the city for a little less than a month and his mother managed to sign him up for a school thirty minutes from their house with buss and she felt secure with them living in a community with other Asian families. His mother had always had a bit of a hard time connecting with the mothers back in North Carolina in their neighborhood. He was also happy she’d moved in next to a seemingly nice young mother and her husband, Kim Hyo-jung. She’d come in with her one-year-old baby when they moved in to greet them to the community with some flowers and newly bakes cookies.

 

Junmyeon had fallen in love with the little girl in a light pink fuzzy bunny onezie and Hyo-jung told him he could baby-sit her some time when she’s older and she goes back to work, to which he’d agreed. He’d seen most of his neighbors but he was to anxious actually initiating a conversation with the kids his age and his mother was busy with work or fixing the house.

 

“Jun…. Junmyeon Kim?” A woman said and he perked up and nodded, her pronunciation of his name was off but he didn’t expect anything else really. “Here’s your schedule and the map of the school.” She offered him a sweet smile as she handed him the two papers and he nodded.

 

“Thank you!” He took his things and tried to find his locker at first to get rid of his jacket and load of some of the books he’d received. Locker number 121, they were a stereotypical red color with a number combination lock. 00-48-29-01. It groaned when the door opened.

 

The corridor was lined up with them and some other students filed past him getting to their classes or slammed their lockers shut. One thing was that everyone was very loud and chatty though and his head almost hurt at all the noise, he’d been used to his quiet house and soft tunes of bittersweet romances. Throwing his bag over his shoulder he looked at his schedule and then looked over the map of where the room was.

 

The school consisted of three buildings, a gymnasium, football field and then the area outside in the back of the school between building A and B building. It was larger than his last school and it made him feel even more nervous about finding a place to fit in and people to talk too. Not like his small case of social anxiety helped with that either. But with so many people all of them wouldn’t notice him, which made it easier in a way to find similar minded people to hang around. He just needed a day or a few to find those people.

 

His calculus class was first and the teacher introduced him rather awkwardly to the class who didn’t give a single glance at him and he sat down in the middle to the very left. The time flew by as they were introduced to new formulas and he was able to work through the first half of chapter one before the bell rang and he hurried to his next class, history.

 

Junmyeon followed the principal’s tip and get to the lunch cafeteria early to find a spot, but he was nervous about actually taking a table when he stood in line to buy his food. What if he sat at someone’s table and would end up in a fight the first day? Plus, it was already crowded and at least two or more occupied every table. He nervously bit at his bottom lip and paid for his blt and orange juice. Taking the two packages in each hand he searched with his eyes over the cafeteria to try and find a place to sit. He took a hesitant step forward, then another, but after that he stopped.

 

Licking his lips he put his food in his backpack and decided to walk somewhere else to eat, hoping no one looked at him weirdly or snickered at him basically running from the cafeteria. Junmyeon walked down a few flights of stairs until he reached the bottom floor and found a window to sit in to have his lunch. He popped his headphones into his ears and put his songs on shuffle as he glanced out on the melting snow as he took out his blt sandwich.

 

He stayed his lunch there before he took his bag and threw the empty can and package away in a nearby trashcan. Students filed past him without even giving him a second glance and a group of girls bumped into him to which one turned to apologize while the rest only giggled and he only smiled and said it was fine. But that was pretty much the only interaction he had with another student that day.

 

The day was a blur after that and three hours later he was at the buss stop, his scarf wrapped snuggly around his neck three times and shoved into itself as he nuzzled his nose into it to keep warm. His earphones were still on and he answered his mother’s text about dinner. She wouldn’t be home tonight since she had a 6pm to 4am shift and had left some home made kimchi fried rice in the fridge for him to heat up and Hyo-jung’s number was on the fridge incase of an emergency and she couldn’t answer her phone.

 

Slowly the buss rolled up to the stop and he went on and sat down in the back by the window as other students got on, sitting down in the very back and chatting loudly, probably catching up after the break. A boy and a girl went on hand in hand before sitting in front of him and a group of boys came on as well, two of them looking at him intently. Junmyeon shifted a little and looked out the window as the buss started moving and tried to ignore the hard yet curious stare from the boy with messy red-ish hair who looked like he’d tower over him.

 

They went off at a few stops before him and he watched as a old couple went on and he leaned back, not noticing how one of the short boys with neatly cut brown hair looked at him with large eyes before whispering something to a blond boy.

 

When he finally arrived home he just had time to hug his mother goodbye and tell her briefly about his day before she went out the door shouting, “You can tell me more tomorrow evening! I don’t have work then!” She grinned and got into her car and drove down the street. Junmyeon locked the door after her and kicked his boots of to slip his feet into his usual white fuzzy slippers and took his bag and jacket up to his room.

 

It was simple, not much really. A middle-sized bed with a shelf above it with a lap attached and a few books and a star wars figurine on, by the window he had a desk and a chair with scattered pens, papers and various things he really should clean up along with his laptop and at the other side of the room he had a small closet with a mirror door. They hadn’t had the time or money to put everything into place just yet, but his uncle, Siwon, had gone back to their house back in North Carolina with a few of his friends to collect their belongings they couldn’t take in their hurry to leave.

 

And his father had always been afraid of Siwon and Donghae, if he came home to them raiding the house he’d probably run off with his tail between his legs. They packed down everything that belonged to Junmyeon and his mother in the back of a hired truck before he came home and left before dark. Minho had said that he met his uncle and told him to day hi from him. The furniture was currently set up but it was still rather empty and the walls were naked, making it look less like a home.

 

Setting his backpack down against his desk Junmyeon shrugged his jacket off and hung it over the chair, then his scarf. Letting out a sigh he took a few steps back and fell back on the bed, arms spread out on either side of his body as he looked at the ceiling with a slight pout.

 

He really hoped everyday wouldn’t be like this because he was really starting to miss his friends back in North. If he were at home Jisoo would come over and cheer him up, coax him into taking a walk and then drink some tea at his place. Minho would set him up in the sofa with a movie and holding an arm over his shoulder and let him talk out about the day. And Kibum would fuss over him, taking him out for bubble tea then go back home to cuddle in bed and tell him how they were missing out on him and that it was their loss if they didn’t want to befriend him.

 

Perhaps he should call one off them…

 

Slipping the ear buds in he pressed Kibum’s contact, it felt like he needed to hear some encouraging and somewhat comforting words. He pulled his jeans off, slipping out of his slippers before wriggling out of the stiff garment still lying down before tossing them on the floor and reached for his sports shorts and then his oversized star wars hoodie.

 

 _“Myeonie!”_ Kibum wailed on the other end and Junmyeon jumped, his heart skipping a beat in his chest at the sudden sound. Letting out a breath the brunette smiled and shock his head.

 

“Are you trying to give me a heart attack Key?” The latter laughed and Junmyeon smiled wider, it felt secure to hear his friend on the other end and if he closed his eyes, maybe he could pretend that he was actually here.

 

_“It’s bad enough you don’t live down the street anymore… But today was your first day of school right? How was it?”_

 

Junmyeon sighed and put his phone in the pocket of his hoodie and grabbed his laptop before going downstairs. “I don’t know. It was bigger than our school and a lot of students…. I feel a little lost being new in the middle of the year. I mean, they all already know each other and while I have no problem talking to new people they all seem to have this... Mean.. Vibe, around them? Plus my nerves have been on edge since I yesterday.”

 

He set the laptop at the kitchen island and went to take out the pre made plate with his dinner on it. Keeping the fridge open as he set the plate on the counter and removed the plastic foil from the plate and threw it in the trash. _“Yeah I get it. It must be horrible really. No one even tried talking to you?”_

 

Letting out a sigh he opened the microwave and set the plate inside and slammed the door shut. “Nope,” he set the timer on re-heat for two minutes as he went back to the fridge to get a bottle of water. “No one even tried talking to me.. The closest I came to a conversation was when a girl bumped into me and said sorry. Other than that I ate lunch in a window at the bottom level.”

 

 _“You ate lunch alone in a window?”_ Junmyeon could hear the pity and concern in his voice and his stomach knotted uncomfortably as he felt his eyes prick hotly with tears. His nose started the burn and he inhaled sharply. _“Myeonie are you okay? Can you video chat on skype?”_

 

“Mhm…” He mumbled and ignored the microwave announcing his food done. “Just..just hold on I need to open my computer.” He sniffled and opened the lid and wrote in his password “reklawyksekul” or Luke Skywalker backwards. A few tears rolled down his round cheeks but he wiped them away with his sleeve as he opened the app and waited for it to load.

 

“Okay I’m logged in. I’ll call you Key…” Junmyeon opened the water bottle with shaky hands and soon Kibum appeared on the screen with one of his dogs in his lap and his usual messy brown and turquoise dip-dye. Junmyeon hung up and pulled the headphones out of his ears and shoved them into the hood pocket at his stomach before offering him a small smile though his tears.

 

 _“Hey… I’m honestly really worried about you. I talked with Minho before and he was scared you wouldn’t have anyone there when your mother was gone at night. Even if our dad isn’t there he’s so worried about you.”_ Kibum muttered as he ran his fingers through the short fur of his dog, brows knitted together as Junmyeon silently drank from his water bottle. Even if Kibum noticed the tears he didn’t say anything.

 

“I’m not okay, but I still am? I’m so glad I’m away from dad; I feel like I can breathe out, I can come home and not be scared. But I feel so alone. There are some kids my age on the block but… I don’t know, I feel so boring and ordinary. I miss hanging with you all.” He wiped away a stray tear. “I miss home but not _being home_.”

 

_“Mhm, well it’ll be better soon okay? There have to be at least one person at the school that can take you in? Aren’t there any Asian cliques you could try get into? You have to find someone right? And as much as I want you back I don’t want you to live with that cock hole... You’re safe and that’s all that matters. If I see your dad at the supermarket I’ll bust his head open.”_

 

Junmyeon laughed and Kibum smiled a little. “Yeah. I don’t want you to go to jail though.. Plus it’s just the first day. Not like I expected to find someone straight away to hang with. But it feels odd not having anyone except for mom to hang out with. And my neighbor and her kid but I don’t know, I can’t really hang with them at school. Plus I’m pretty scared that someone might find out why I moved to SC… I don’t want them to know.”

 

“ _No I get that_.” Kibum sighed and set his dog down who began to squirm in his arms. “ _I’m always here to talk to just like before, just in worse quality. I’m sure you won’t have to say anything unless they ask. You could always just lie? You’re good at that, no offence!”_ He held his arms up and his dogs started barking. “ _Hey! Hush!”_ He barked back as he whipped around to quiet them down.

 

“Mhm, I guess.” Junmyeon had calmed down a bit now when he could talk to Kibum somewhat face to face, it felt like he was here in a way, all that was missing was a warm hug. “What if I never get friends here though? What if I’m just too weird?”

 

“ _What makes you think you’re weird Myeonie? Weren’t you ordinary like five minutes ago?”_ Kibum whined and huffed, crossing his arms as he leaned closer to his cam.

 

Shrugging his shoulders he drank from his water again. “I’m some kid moving here and I’m both Asian and gay. I also have too many key chains on my backpack, I’m close to my mother and I don’t have any friends at all here.”

 

 _“You’re not that odd Myeonie, you’ll find someone to hang with soon I promise. Even if you’re gay you’re really nice and people like that. You’re easy to approach and friendly. Plus! If anyone doesn’t want to be your friend because you’re gay then they can suck a dick.”_ Junmyeon smiled and nodded.

 

He felt at ease after talking to Kibum and after an hour he re-heated his food once they had said goodbyes and did the dishes before going to bed. It was a little lonely but at least he wasn’t afraid. Junmyeon turned off the lights and walked up to his bedside table to put on the star projector before lying on his back, looking at the dots of lights in the ceiling. His chest felt odd, perhaps in a good way. Kibum had managed to lift his spirits and make him believe tomorrow would be better. It felt light and he hoped the feeling wouldn’t go away.

 

He let out a sigh and reached up for his stuffed toy bunny he hugged it tight to his chest, curling up around it. The time went on and it was getting late but he wasn’t tired, so he had to force himself to sleep eventually.

 

* * *

 

The clocks shrill ringing jerked him awake. Blinking his tired eyes open his hand hurried to search for his phone to turn of his alarm with a whine. Junmyeon stretched his arms above his head before rubbing his bleary eyes clear. “So early…” He muttered and threw the covers off of him and tiredly shuffled through the hall to his bathroom.

 

He washed his face off with water and then applied a moisturizer and while letting it dry he sat on the toilet and scrolled through his phone. Minho had sent him an encouraging text about today being a better day.

 

Junmyeon smiled at his phone and wiped himself clean then washed his hands. He put his phone down on the sink as he applied a thin layer of cc cream and powder, humming to a song he couldn’t remember the name of while filling in his brows.

 

He took his phone with him to his room and turned on his laptop to play music as he got dressed and ready for the day with a black and white striped knitted sweater and a pair of light washed jeans. It took seconds to fix his hair back into place and after that he was out the door and at the buss stop bundled up in his jacket and scarf, a sandwich in hand that he ate in a tired daze.

 

Hopefully today would be a little more eventful he prayed as he stepped onto the buss, letting out a sigh as he sat down in the middle, leaning his head against the cool window as the buss started rolling. A few stops ahead the blond boy from yesterday came on with what he now noticed was a girl with very short bright blonde hair herself.

 

They glanced at him and he was quick to lower his gaze to his hands that were holding his phone, rubbing his thumb mindlessly over the screen to wipe away some fingerprints. The buss started moving again and the pair sat further back in the buss.

 

Once in school he only had one class before lunch, physics. It was fun, he guessed, nothing new they taught him though so he doodled in his notebook instead, his chin resting in his hand until the bell rang and he went off for lunch. Hopefully he would find somewhere to sit. Pushing out from his seat he took his books and backpack, the key chains clinking as he threw it over his shoulder and hurried out among the other students to go to his locker.

 

His locker was three halls away from the cafeteria he’d discovered and he could hear the loud kids from there as he patiently opened his locker and placed his book into their place. Licking over his lips he changed the song on his phone and made his way to the queue. Junmyeon thought about getting another blt sandwich but ended up with a boring looking salad in a plastic bowl with a lid and a bottle of peach ice tea.

 

It looked like all tables were occupied today as well and he told himself that perhaps eating downstairs in the window wouldn’t be that bad either way, he could call and see if Minho and Kibum wanted to talk.

 

Sighing quietly he turned around to leave. “Hey!” Someone called, stopping him in his tracks and he turned back to see who was calling who and almost jumped back a few feet when the girl with short pushed back yellow blonde hair smiled at him, she was pretty much his height and he hesitantly smiled back. The girl dressed in a little too big black hoodie and black ripped jeans. “Couldn’t help but notice you seemed a lil’ lost huh? New kid?”

 

“Uhm… yeah.” He said and glanced to the side a bit, tightening his grip of his bottle and salad. Was this it? Would she trash his lunch and humiliate him in front of the whole cafeteria? Junmyeon didn’t even notice, but his hands had begun to tremble.

 

“Cool! I’m Amber; you can sit with us if you want? We got a spot and we don’t want you to feel out of place. We saw you yesterday but you ran off before I could get to you.” The girl, Amber, said and jerked her thumb over her shoulder, leaning a little to the side to show Junmyeon the almost full table. She glanced down at his lunch and noticed how his hands quivered in something she recognized as fear.

 

“Me and Sehun wanted to talk to you at the buss this morning but we didn’t want to scare you.. We’re harmless I promise. Well, that boy with red hair, Chanyeol, is a little all over the place. He’s nice, but can come off as a little too much at times.” She offered him a kind smile and Junmyeon hugged his salad to his chest carefully.

 

“Oh, thank you. It’d be nice… I haven’t talked to anyone here yet. My name’s Junmyeon.” He said honestly and Amber grinned wider, tugging lightly at his shirt sleeve for him to follow and sat down at her own spot next to a tall dirty blond kid with thick brows and a frown he presumed was Sehun.

 

 

When sitting down next to her he looked up to meet the eyes of a short male with dark brown hair like himself with big round eyes framed by a pair of glasses and plush lips and the boy Amber had told him was Chanyeol sat next to him. All of them were Asian, no doubt and he felt a little more relaxed instantly and offered them all a smile. “Everyone, this is Junmyeon!”

 

The boy with glasses looked up from his book. “Junmyeon… You’re Korean?” He placed a small piece of paper between the pages and closed the book, taking his glasses off and turning his attention to the new kid across of him.

 

“Yeah, well… My mother’s Korean, I’m born and raised here.” The boy nodded and offered a small upturn of his lips. “We as well, in some way. Except for Amber. My names Do Kyungsoo but I just go by Soo since people can’t pronounce for shit here.”

 

Chanyeol laughed and nodded, Junmyeon let a small giggle slide as well because in his school back in North Carolina they had given up after a few months and just called him Jun. “I’m Chanyeol, Yeol for short but since you probably can talk proper Korean you could call me by my real name.” He looked to the tall blond who offered the smallest of smiles.

 

“Sehun, Hun. Your hair is really nice.” Sehun said and the brunet smiled at the compliment and reached up to touch his bangs.

 

“Thank you, I really like your hair as well. I’ve kind of always wanted to try out blond… And it’s nice meeting you all.” Junmyeon said politely and the tall red head across him grinned widely.

 

“So what classes are you in? Maybe someone of us have the same class as you? Can I see your schedule?” Kyungsoo asked, sipping his mineral water from a straw, his lunch already finished. Junmyeon nodded and leaned down to open his backpack and dug out the crumbled paper and handed it to him. “I saw you at the physics lesson this morning.”

 

The boy hummed and looked over the classes and nodded. “You have physics with me on Thursdays as well. And you have P.E with Chen, he’s not here though but he’s nice, a part of the cheer squad. Seulgi has that class as well. You have art class with Chanyeol today..”

 

“Cool! We have class after lunch then!” Chanyeol reached over to poke at Junmyeon’s arm that smiled back at him and the red head dripped a few fries in ketchup, shoving them into his mouth, making Kyungsoo cringe and scoot a little further away from the giant. Junmyeon opened up his salad and began to eat as he watched the other go through his schedule with the tall boy leaning over to glance at the paper as well.

 

“Mhm… You have English with Sehun, Chanyeol and me three times a week. And you have Biology with Amber on Fridays.” Kyungsoo handed him his schedule back and he let it find it’s own place in his bag before screwing his ice tea open and taking a sip.

 

“Sounds good. I hope…I can sit here the rest of the week as well?” Junmyeon hoped they wouldn’t decline, he could need some friends and this group seemed more than happy to take him in. Perhaps it was a part of a cruel joke though? “I kind of don’t want to eat alone in a window again.”

 

Sehun gave him a sympathetic look. “Of course. You could hang with us if you want.” The blond boy said and Junmyeon smiled at him, nodding.

 

“I’d like that actually, I’m not good with initiating conversation with other people.” They nodded and Kyungsoo handed him his phone.

 

“Add yourself to my contact. Also if you have facebook, so you can contact me, or the others if anything happens or if you need help. If you’re new it’s easy to get lost.”

 

“Oh, okay.” He took the phone and typed in his number. “Uhm, add Kim Junmyeon?” Kyungsoo took his phone back and nodded, sending him a friend request. The others proceeded in doing the same and they made a group chat as well on messenger and said they added a few more of their friends to it as well and they they’d probably meet soon enough.

 

Soon the bell rang and they had to stop their conversation about the school and rose from their seats. “Well, we got the same class so want me to show you?” Chanyeol asked as he got his trash and followed Junmyeon up to the trash can and threw it in.

 

“Yeah, I’d appreciate that a lot.” Junmyeon made sure his backpack was closed before throwing it over his shoulder then slipping his other arm through the hole and fixing it onto his back and Chanyeol let his battered up black backpack hang over one shoulder.

 

“All righty then! We’ll see you later guys!” He said and waved at the others who waved back, parting in the hall to walk down to their lockers and Chanyeol led him to the exit and down to the C building.

 

Chanyeol was really tall he noticed when walking along side him like this and his hair was a mess really. His sweater was hanging over his hands as he held onto the strap of is backpack and his jeans were ripped and had a few stains on them.

 

“I’m really shit at art actually.” Chanyeol said, catching the other’s attention and he looked up at him. He really had to crane his neck to look up at the boy, it almost reminded him of being with Minho. The red head chuckled and shrugged his shoulders. “Just wanted something new and fun to do, Kyungsoo thinks I’m dumb because I’m setting myself up for failure, he’s probably right too.”

 

“You can’t be that bad? Art isn’t about it being pretty after all. But I wouldn’t consider myself good either, but I had too many theoretical courses so I wanted something light and fun.”

 

“Yeah, I wish I took music though, I’m good at playing instrument.” They walked in the cold; arms wrapped tightly around themselves as they reached the C building and pushed the door open.

 

“Cool! If you don’t mind me asking, where do you live?” Junmyeon said and relaxed as they were once again inside a warm building, wrapping his hands around the straps of his backpack.

 

“A twenty minute walk from here, I usually take my bike in the summer though. You?”

 

“Half an hour with buss.” Junmyeon replied.

 

“Yeah you take the same buss as the others right?” The shorter nodded and Chanyeol grinned as they entered the classroom. “We’re actually going to Amber’s after school, you can tag along if you want.” Junmyeon looked at the other and nodded, his hangs tightening around the shoulder straps and felt his lips tug into another smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first chapter is up and it will get more interesting I promise! I just need to introduce some more characters and some light background to Jun so it'll go smoother further on. I'll probably write 20 chapters and it will be written through out spring and summer, it may stretch out to fall as well since I don't think I'll be able to write three good quality chapters in a month.
> 
> This fanfic will have a playlist of 10 songs every chapter that you can feel free to listen to while reading, as well as the clothes they wear through out the chapter and will always be put at the end of the fic! 
> 
> Kudos and comments are appreciated! Thanks for reading and I hope you'll enjoy this series! <3
> 
>  
> 
> Playlist for this chapter:
> 
> Bleachers - I Wanna Get Better
> 
> Lady Gaga - A Million Reasons 
> 
> Shawn Mendes - Stitches
> 
> Sia - alive
> 
> Rhianna - American Oxygen
> 
>  
> 
> Winner - Sentimental 
> 
> Chen - I'm Not Okay
> 
> Taeyeon - Rain
> 
> NU'EST - Good Bye Baby
> 
> B.A.P - Save Me
> 
>  
> 
> Fashion (don't focus on the hair!) :
> 
> Junmyeon's star wars hoodie (will appear more):  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909337299/
> 
> Junmyeon's clothes:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909343250/
> 
> Amber's clothes:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909338091/
> 
> Seulgi's clothes:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/428404983288349589/
> 
> Kyungsoo's clothes:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909338413/
> 
> Chanyeol's clothes:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/AQq4Nj2-Vh2lVZWk7iMx1bGafmKpNmZ52z9UeqhOHU87nqFzvljCw7E/
> 
> Sehun's clotes:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909337361/


	2. alarm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "links" for the clothes n the chapter as well as playlist is in the chapter notes!

“Jun!” Amber exclaimed as she threw the door open and he flinched at the loud noise and she sheepishly smiled at him, stepping to the side so he could enter. “Sorry, that came off to strong. Welcome to the Liu residence Kim Junmyeon.” She said and did a silly over exaggerative bow and he stepped inside, giggling at her act.

 

It was a simple house and larger than his townhouse of course. He took off his shoes and unzipped his jacket. “Thank you, where should I hang this?” Amber took it and walked to a closet and hung it on a spare hanger then smiled at him.

 

“Come on, everyone else are waiting, we thought about watching a movie so we waited with choosing until you came.” They walked into the large living room and the L shaped couch in the middle of the room with a flat screen TV attached to the wall and several waist high shelves stuffed with DVDs.

 

“Hi Jun!” Chanyeol said excitedly and patted the seat next to him and Junmyeon walked over to sit down next to him, pulling his legs up on the sofa, sitting cross-legged and Chanyeol shifter to face him. “This is Chen, and that’s his brother Kai. Real names Jongdae and Jongin.” He motioned to the unfamiliar boys on the couch.

 

Jongin smiled at him shyly from across the room, cuddled up next to Kyungsoo. He had full lips and a beautifully golden complexion he admitted he was jealous of and his light brown hair was a mess on top of his head. “Hi, I’d shake your hand but I’m sitting really comfortably.” Junmyeon laughed softly, “It’s fine. It looks comfy.” Kyungsoo waved at him.

 

“Well since my brother is not going to be polite I’ll have to be.” Jongdae said, flashing a dazzling smile, making his whole face light up and he scooted over to take Junmyeon’s hand in his, giving it a lazy shake before letting go and leaning back to sit next to the others. “Nice meeting you. Chanyeol wouldn’t shut up about how sweet you were since we came back from Italy.”

 

The boy pushed his hair back and Junmyeon’s stomach did little flips. He was really beautiful… “Oh.” Chanyeol grinned behind him and leaned over to push at Jongdae’s shoulder, laughing. “Have not!” Kyungsoo snorted and Amber laughed out loud as she came over with a few movie options.

 

“You have a man crush on him Yeol! Admit it!” Chanyeol pouted playfully and crossed his arms and dropping his head to rest at the sofa. “I can’t help it, he’s so nice.” Junmyeon flushed and shoved at Chanyeol’s shoulder in his state of embarrassment, making him shoot back up and smile at him like an excited puppy.

 

“Okay enough, what movie?” Amber held up three DVD cases, one comedy, one romantic and one animated Disney film. “I mean, we’re gonna talk over it so what do you want playing in the back while we yell?”

 

“The proposal!” Jongin said and Kyungsoo nodded in agreement. Amber turned to the rest who nodded and shrugged their shoulders. “The proposal it is. Sehun! Seulgi! Are the popcorns done?” She yelled and turned the TV on, setting the film into the DVD player.

 

“Yeah! Chill, we got a lot to carry!” A soft female voice called back and Junmyeon snuggled back into the sofa, pulling his knees to his chest and some what leaned against Chanyeol who had moved closer for Amber to sit at her edge of the couch. Sehun and Seulgi entered with a stack of glasses and two bottles of Cola and two large bowls of popcorn. “Snacks here! Oh, hi! You gotta be Junmyeon!”

 

Seulgi smiled and set the bowls down and wiped salt and grease of on her sweat pants before reaching her hand out and shook it way more violent than Jongdae had. “Nice meeting you!” She said and dropped down between Jongdae and Jongin as the commercials started playing. “Same to you.” He said and shot a glance to Jongdae who was looking at him already and lowered his eyes over his body then back up to his eyes.

 

Was he… checking him out? Junmyeon felt his cheeks burn and he shyly pulled at the sleeves of his hood, making them cover his palms as he thought of something to say. “You and uh, Kai were brothers right?”

 

“Mhm, I’m one year older. We’re both fifteen right?” Junmyeon nodded and the other grinned. “Kai is fourteen. I have P.E with you apparently, but you’ve been in that class twice already since I’ve been gone, but I can make sure no one throws your clothes into the shower for the rest of the year.”

 

“I’d appreciate that a lot actually. It’s kind of scary with all these buff football players screaming.” Jongdae nodded and moved to sit next to Junmyeon when Sehun motioned for him to, “move if they’re gonna talk”.

 

“Yeah, they’re all dicks to be honest. But I’m second command in the cheer squad so they won’t fuck with me even if I’m a dude. But what brings you to our shit hole of a school?” Junmyeon was a bit taken aback by the rough language the other was using even if Kibum would use a very explicit vocabulary when he was mad he didn’t use a cuss word in every sentence.

 

“My mom, she got a job at a hospital so we moved from North Carolina to.. Here. I live a few stops away from here actually.”

 

“Your mom’s a single parent?” Biting his slip anxiously he simply nodded and Jongdae offered a somewhat consoling smile. He probably just thought he was a child of divorce and honestly he wish he was just that. “It’s oaky, your mom is strong for caring for you by herself?”

 

“Mhm.” He nodded and offered a kind smile; glad his little lie was believable. He handed his phone to Jongdae who put his contact into his phone. “If you ever need help in the house just call me.” The red head grinned and nudged him with his shoulder. Junmyeon laughed and took his phone, his fingers brushing against Jongdae’s soft ones as he took it back, flashing a smile to the dark haired male.

 

“You wish Yeol.” The brunet mused and Amber laughed at as Chanyeol ruffled his hair, making him squirm and giggled as he tried to get away from the giant wrapped an arm around him. The movie, as Amber said, was just background music to their conversation and when the credits finished and the menu started playing again Amber rose to turn it off. Kyungsoo and Jongin had fallen asleep in their little corner of the couch, snuggled up against each other and Seulgi had left to meet up with a friend a few minutes ago. Junmyeon was leaning comfortably against Chanyeol’s shoulder and the latters arm was wrapped around him as the taller talked to Jongdae who’d taken Ambers spot and Sehun had started talking to Junmyeon about hair.

 

Amber whined as she slumped back on the sofa, head resting on the backrest and Jongin jerked awake at the sudden movement and rubbed his eyes with his palms lazily. “I promise you we’ll go out and show you more of the city when it gets warmer. There’s this arcade a little bit outside of the city that has open during spring and summer months. It’s really fun, not many kids go there plus it’s huge!”

 

“I like the sound of that.” Junmyeon hummed and sat up to refill his glass with some lukewarm cola and drink it, Chanyeol’s arm falling from his side and he sat up straighter. “I like spring, can’t wait for it honestly.”

 

“Well, it’s only a few days left of January!” Jongin said, turning away from his attempt to wake Kyungsoo up. “Yeah, it’s way more lively then… Not like it’s snow outside either so we can’t have a snowball fight and I had a fight with Henry so I don’t have anyone to buy us beer either.”

 

“That sucks.” Sehun muttered and frowned, well, more than usual. Junmyeon let out a sigh and leaned back. It was barley lunchtime still and he was getting hungry. He’d only had a toast for breakfast since he was in a excited hurry to get to Amber.

 

“Actually, I’m starting to feel a little hungry. Is there some place you could show me where we could eat?” Junmyeon looked from Sehun to Amber who seemed to like the idea and nodded. “Sure! We should get something to eat. I only have mini pizzas in the fridge. Oh, oh! We can go to our diner!”

 

“Yeah!” Chanyeol said and Jongdae agreed eagerly. “Oh how I’ve missed their fries!” The pretty male whined and fell back onto Amber dramatically.

 

“Come on then, let’s get dressed.” Everyone stood and Jongin held a newly awoken Kyungsoo’s hand as they walked to the hall, handing the shorter his jacket before pulling on his own thickly padded one.

 

Amber wore a bomber jacket and so did Sehun, making Junmyeon wonder if they knew it was still a little too cold for that. He pulled on his own grey padded jacket and smiled when he saw Kyungsoo pull a beanie over the tan boys messy hair. They seemed very close. “I get to sit next to Jun on the buss!” Jongdae suddenly yelled as he came down from the stairs with his coat and Chanyeol groaned. “Then I’ll sit alone!” He stomped his booted foot and Jongdae just shrugged as he pushed them out of the door and waited for Amber to lock the door.

 

On the buss Chanyeol didn’t sit alone, he Amber and Sehun were seated in the very back white the other’s found spots close by. It was a fairly short trip and they led him to the old looking diner painted in a fading mint green with large windows and a old neon sign saying “Daisy’s” in cursive with a drawing of the silhouette of a girl holing a tray. It was on the edge of the highway so a lot of cars were parked outside, probably people driving through the city looking for a quick cheap lunch.

 

It felt cozy, when they stepped in and the smell of frying oil and coffee filled his nostrils. Some seats were booths and some were simple tables. Jongdae aimed for a free booth and sat down, scooting in to the wall and Junmyeon followed, shrugging out of his thick jacket and Kyungsoo and amber sat on the same cliché red couch as the other’s cramped up on the other side and they placed their orders.

 

The food was salty and greasy like expected and it tasted good considering he only paid a few dollars for a way too big plate of fries and chicken nuggets. They were served in matching red baskets and red paper cups that looked like they still belonged back in 2003. Soon the conversation about their houses was brought up when Jongdae asked if Junmyeon liked his house.

 

“Well, it’s still in the process of becoming a home. It’s not that homey yet, but once spring rolls in mom is going to find some yard sales and buy some things to decorate with since she hasn’t had the time to go trifling yet. But I like our house, it’s a white townhouse and I have the entire upper floor to myself.”

 

“Cool! We gotta hang out there some time.” Chanyeol said and took a large bite of his burger. “Yeah, it’d be fun! Mom works nights so perhaps we could even have a sleep over by ourselves? So where do you and Jongin live?”

 

“In a apartment with our mom and dad and two dogs about an hour away from Amber.” He explained and Jongin nodded in agreement. He hummed and dipped a nugget in some ketchup.

 

“I live in the same apartment complex as Kai and Chen.” Kyungsoo said from his side and he nodded, it would explain why they seemed to be so close. “You Sehun?” Junmyeon asked, turning back to look across the table since the tall blond yet hadn’t spoken about his house.

 

“I live with Amber.” The brunets eyes widened a bit and his mouth made a small o shape. “Oh, I didn’t know you were siblings-“

 

“We’re not…” Amber murmured and suddenly everyone seemed to tense and glance at each other, making Junmyeon frown and look over at Amber with a questioning look, waiting for her to continue as she seemed to look at Sehun with worried eyes.

 

“My parents are very religious Jun, like… crazy religious and homophobic and all that.” The blond glanced at Amber who nodded and Junmyeon turned his full attention to the other. “They would always talk bad about Amber because she wasn’t a girly girl and didn’t like to be stuck with a label. Plus she’s bi, which made them furious. I came out as gay to them and… they disowned me, so Amber’s family took me in since her parents are really sweet and understanding. I ran away from home, but I lived a while away from here so I don’t see my parents anymore.”

 

Junmyeon was in shock and he was happy that Sehun felt somewhat comfortable enough to share something personal like that with him and coming out to him, knowing this could make or break their three weeks of friendship. “Oh…” Was all he said, looking down at his food and drew his brows together, trying to think of something to say.

 

This was his worst nightmare to be honest, for his mother to hate him for loving another boy. But he knew that she would never put him through that, she loved him too much. They were all quiet for a moment before Jongdae spoke up next to him, voice much more stern than the sweet playful tone he had on the buss. “You got a problem with that Junmyeon?” It sent chills down his spine the way he used his whole name, but not in a good way and he hurriedly looked up and shook his head.

 

“No no! It’s not that… I-“ He hesitated, biting into his bottom lip as he considered if he should come out. It didn’t seem like they’d leave him if he were gay since they were friends with two people who liked the same sex so he took a deep breath and looked down at his food again. “I’m actually…. gay as well.” The silence was killing him and then Jongdae placed a hand on his knee.

 

“Sorry, I came off a little harsh. I’m just a little protective I guess. We’ve gone through a lot of people being way too rude. But since you’re also gay I guess there isn’t a problem.” Jongdae’s hand seeped warmth through his light washed jeans and he felt secure by the gentle touch. “I’m sorry I kinda forced you to come out as well.”

 

“I understand, I really do. My friends act the same with me. And it’s fine Chen, it’s not as scary when I know you accept people like that.” He said and smiled at Jongdae and turned to Sehun who looked at him curiously. “I don’t want to upset you Sehun, I know how it can feel, not what you’ve been through exactly. But it’s not easy liking boys.” He murmured.

 

“Tell me about it. But guess we caught the right person this time, we’re known as the gay squad since most of us are not straight.” He said and smiled at Junmyeon who felt his own lips tug into a smile to mirror the others. “Some are really nasty about this kind of thing… But less people antagonize me now since I’m tall and my eyebrows look scary. Plus I punched Rob in the jaw last semester when he called me a fag.”

 

Junmyeon chuckled and ate another nugget. “Seulgi is lesbian, she has a cute girlfriend from another school, her name’s Irene. And I guess I like both genders? I don’t really have a preference, I’m not really into sex and stuff like that.” Kyungsoo inquired as from his side and the other nodded. “The rest of them are pretty straight I’d say. But Chanyeol has blown a few dicks in his life.”

 

“Hey! Not your story to tell!” The red head groaned and kicked him under the table. “Yeah yeah. I’ve seen how you look at Jun! We try to keep dating and sex out of the friend circle so if you want to sleep with him you have to leave this group Yeol.”

 

The bell over the door rang as another person entered the diner and Jongin who was facing that way looked up and frowned when he saw who it was. “Well guess who still goes to our diner…” He muttered and elbowed Sehun who looked up and met eyes with a group of three boys their age.

 

Kyungsoo turned around to see them walk past and the trio stared back at them as they headed to a table at the end of the diner, two of the tall boys whispering something as the one with dark blond hair lingered with his gaze on the table as he took a seat so he was able to look at their table.

 

Junmyeon looked at the boys, he’d seen them in class. The one with blond hair was in his and Chanyeol’s art class but they had never talked and his group of friends seemed to dislike them for some reason. With furrowed brows he leaned to whisper to Kyungsoo. “Who are they?”

 

“The really tall one is Kris, he’s pretty harmless but I wouldn’t mess with him. He’s been in a lot of fights. He with bleached hair like Sehun is Tao, probably the worst bully in our school. He’s really nasty towards pretty much everyone here except Chen since he’s a cheerleader and Lu, the last of the three, is a football player in the team. Tao and Lu together are horrible; they just push each other on in a sick contest in who can be the worst. Really stay away from them Jun…”

 

The boy whispered in a hushed voice and Junmyeon nodded, feeling a little uneasy as they kept on staring over at their table and the boy Kyungsoo had told him was Kris kept staring at him and it made his stomach feel uneasy. “Okay, more people I should stay away from?”

 

“A lot actually. I’d say sixty percent in our school are homophobic assholes.” Jongdae said and he turned to face the beautiful boy, feeling his cheeks warm up as he was pulled down a little so he could whisper. “They hang out with two other boys, Min and Lay. Lay is actually nice, we’re friends actually and Min is more like Kris than Lu and Tao thankfully. But they don’t really do anything when they pick on people. Just stick close to us and you won’t have to worry.” He could feel Jongdae’s breath against his ear and he nodded, not moving away when the latter moved his hand up from his knee to his upper thigh, Junmyeon just smiled and concentrated on finishing his lunch.

 

They were however pretty much done with their food and simply sat there and chatted, voices lowered now when unwanted company had entered the diner and Jongdae were yet to remove his hand from his thigh. But Junmyeon found himself not minding it in the slightest. He found himself instead leaning into the other as he felt sleepy from all the food and covered his mouth with his sleeve as he yawned. “So cute.” Chanyeol cooed from across the table and Jongdae moved his hand up to caress his bangs back.

 

“Perhaps we should start getting back so Jun don’t have to sleep in a diner on my shoulder. We have only known each other for a day.” The dark haired boy laughed at his own little joke and the others seemed to agree, it was past four when they pulled their jackets back on and left for the buss stop, not giving the trio a second glance as they exited.

 

They bid their goodbyes and hugged each other before leaving and soon Junmyeon was stepping off the buss and walked up to his house. He knew he’d be alone and gave a sigh as he unlocked the door and walked in, not forgetting to lock it afterwards. However, he couldn’t help but smile to himself as he hung his jacket in the closet and kicked his shoes off, today had been one of the best days since he moved here. Plus he may or may not start to develop a crush on Jongdae.

 

The boy was beautiful and it had to run in the family because Jongin was equally as ethereal. Though, the boy had seemed to show his interest in Junmyeon as well which made his insides flutter. So with glowing cheeks and a bounce in his step he made his way up to his room and fell back on the bed with his back first.

 

Junmyeon laid there for a while, feeling his eyelids get heavier and his mind started to slip in and out of consciousness but soon he fell asleep curled up on the sheets. In all honesty he hated taking naps but today had been a lot even if most of it had been sitting around. Social interactions often drained his energy.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“The new kid looks like a twink.” Zitao laughed as they watched the group leave the diner and he sipped his soda with a smirk. “Even more than Kai.”

 

“He’s wearing a hoodie and jeans Tao, so are you.” Yifan commented as he ripped apart the napkin with his large hands. “Well my features don’t scream, “fuck my ass”, I’m manly and actually straight.” He almost hissed at his friend who grunted in disinterest. The boy he knew as Junmyeon from his art class never failed to stun him. Since the first time his eyes cast on his brown silky hair and soft kind chocolate hues his world froze.

 

Junmyeon was the most attractive person he’d seen up close, perhaps at all. All he knew he was definitely on his top five list and he was pretty sure that he wasn’t jealous of him since he was short, boyish and…soft. Everything Yifan wasn’t, but he still felt himself drawn to the other for some reason.

 

The bicker between Luhan and Zitao was spaced out as he was lost in his own thoughts and was only brought back when Zitao kicked his leg under the table and he basically growled at him as he bent down to rub the sore spot. “What?” He hissed.

 

“Why are you in such a bad mood? You were totally fine before we got here. Is something especially bad with your parents?” The blond asked his friend a bit worriedly who simply shook his head. “Same old with them… Dad hasn’t been home in three days though, not like I care. One less thing to worry about.”

 

Zitao frowned but nodded, leaning back against the back of the booth and let out a sigh. “You wanna come and live at my place for a while? Mom is going on a three-day business trip and she said I could have friends over. And you could use a break Kris.”

 

“Sounds nice, I’ll pack my things when I get home. Monday to Wednesday like usually?” The blond nodded and Kris sipped his soda silently.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Junmyeon jerked awake at the sound of his phone buzzing next to his head and he groggily sat up as he tiredly searched for the device. The sun had set he noticed and he looked at the unknown number showing on the screen but he answered either way. “Hey it’s Junmyeon..” He said, voice laced with sleep still. But he was to regret picking up.

 

“So I did find your number you little shit.” A man hissed in a gruff voice on the other end and his brows furrowed in confusion over whom he was speaking to, not even Kibum would greet him like that. And when his tired mind finally cleared up he was able to put a name to the voice and his eyes grew wide and hands began to tremble. _Dad_. “You didn’t think I wouldn’t find you? You were the biggest mistake I’ve ever made and I intend on eras –“

 

Junmyeon hung up quickly with a gasp for air as he began to hyperventilate but it felt like he wasn’t getting any air into his lungs, his stomach twisting badly and heart rate sped up to a sickening pace in his chest.

 

Tears began to spill from his eyes as he leaned over the bed with his elbows on his knees holding his head still between his palms. It felt like the room was spinning and he had no one to call out for. His mom was at work and wouldn’t be able to come here and Jisoo didn’t live down the street. This only made him panic more and ants crawled and spotted the corners of his vision black for a moment.

 

He watched as teardrops hit the wooden floor under his feet and tried his best to calm down but then his mind started making up the worst scenarios. What if he was outside the house? It sounded like he was looking for him and he was sure he wouldn’t live to tell the tale if his father did find out his location. God what if he was outside the house.

 

Junmyeon let out a broken sob and with a trembling hand took his phone, almost dropping it as it began to vibrate with the same number on the display and he hurriedly declined the call and opened his phone. His whole body was violently shaking and he moved to lie down on the floor instead of the bed, curling up as he tried to take deep breaths but his lungs locked and cut every breath short.

 

After a few minutes of gasping on the ground he realized he should call someone. His last panic attack resulted in him trying to walk down a fly of stairs and fell knocking himself unconscious and he was still terrified of the thought of his father lurking outside the house even if he knew it was unlikely. He still didn’t trust himself to be alone so he grabbed his phone and hesitated when opening the group chat on messenger before instead asking if Amber could come over in their private messages with a few misspellings due to his trembling hands.

 

She replied that she was busy and couldn’t with a sad face and he let out a whine as he felt a new set of tears fall down his cheeks and he instead checked with Chanyeol, praying he wasn’t busy.

 

[Jun 21:38]  
  
_can u come ober? Someyhing happened I don’r want to be alone. I’m scsred_

 

[Yeol 21:40]

 

are u ok jun? it’s really late…. Text me the address and I’ll be there soon : (

 

Junmyeon closed his eyes for a second before typing in his address, checking three times that he didn’t misspell anything before sending it away. He was still unable to breath properly and he felt dizzy still, like he’d pass out any second. But none the less he pushed off the floor and tried to change out of his jeans and hoodie from the day and slipped into a simple t-shirt instead as he grabbed his phone and slowly walked out his room and down the stairs, holding onto the wall and rail, afraid his legs would buckle under his weight and send him falling down the stairs like before. But he managed to make it downstairs without falling.

 

The sound of a car beeping outside on the street had his heart rate go frantic and his breathing he’d managed to calm down turned raged as he lowered himself to the floor, clutching the phone in his hand and waited for Chanyeol to arrive, it would probably take a while more for him to come over and he counted down from ten slowly ten times with closed eyes, back leaning against the mint green wall in the living room.

 

A while later Junmyeon jumped as the doorbell sounded at the door and he looked at his phone, he had gotten a message from Chanyeol saying he was here. So with a heavy body he walked to the door, hand supporting him at every surface it came in contact with until he was face to face with the light wood and stood on his toes to peep out of the little hole, sighing in relief at the sight of the messy red locks. He hurriedly unlocked the door and felt a new batch of fresh tears burn his eyes when he was met by the worried look of his friend.

 

“Jun what’s going on? What happened? Why are you scared?” It was too much to answer all at once but he pushed past Junmyeon into the hall and closed the door after himself. “You look like a mess.” He tried to smile but the worry in his eyes were clear and it soon faltered when Junmyeon didn’t say anything, just stood there quivering pathetically in his t-shirt and boxer shorts.

 

“Let’s sit down.” The taller made a move to hold onto Junmyeon’s shoulder as they walked to the long couch and he sat down heavily, pulling the brunet down to sit lean against his chest, caressing his hair to calm him down. Junmyeon let out a choked sound and clutched at Chanyeol’s bomber jacket he was still wearing, his tears sliding down the resilient fabric.

 

Chanyeol didn’t try to initiate any more conversation at the moment, simple holding the other boy to his chest with a frown and caressed his back and hair with his long fingers. After a few more moments of silence he rested his cheek against the chaotic mess of brown hair. “Hey… Could you tell me why I snuck out at least?”

 

“I–I had a panic attack… My mom..mom works nights. I didn’t want to be a–lone.” He stifled as he pulled back from the other. “It –it gets better if I’m around someone… I get calmer quicker.” Chanyeol nodded and pushed his brown bangs back and looked his red blotchy face over.

 

“I think we should make some tea and if you want you can tell me why you got a panic attack. I’m right here and I won’t leave if you don’t want me to. I’m glad you trust me Jun, it’s good that you reach out when you feel bad.” The latter smiled blearily.

 

“I haven’t eaten. Mom has probably m–ade something, we can share.” Junmyeon stood up and Chanyeol followed, slipping of his jacket and placed it over the shorter with an assuring smile. “Tell me what to do and you sit down okay.”

 

They walked to the kitchen in an unhurried phase and Junmyeon moved to sit on one of the bar stools by the island and told the red head to boil some water in the kettle on the counter and look for something in the fridge for them to eat. He pulled out a bowl of pasta carbonara with a grin and raided through the tea cabinet before he decided they both were drinking chamomile.

 

When the large cups of chamomile tea and re-heated carbonara was set down on the island with two forks sticking out. No lights were turned on at all except for the digital numbers showing the time on the oven. Eleven. “I’m sorry I made you come over here so late…”

 

“You’re a friends Jun, I’d come over if you called me at three in the morning on a school night. Now eat and drink so I don’t have to worry about that too. Are you cold?” Junmyeon felt his lips curl into a thankful smile and he shock his head and took the fork, spinning it to roll a little bit of pasta around it and guide to his mouth.

 

“Your jacket is warm and like, two sizes bigger than me so I’m not cold.” Chanyeol grinned and nodded, pulling at the strings of his hoodie before grabbing his cup and sipped the warm liquid. The other was thinking, he should tell Chanyeol why he texted him late and cried in his arms for a good hour once he came over. But it was scary, even if the red head seemed to emit warmth and security. He just didn’t want to be judged based on how he had been treated by his father.

 

Of course, if this were to happen again it would be easier if at least someone knew. So with a deep shaky breath he picked at the food. “We didn’t move here because my mom got a job in the area.” Junmyeon blurted out, almost waiting for the other to snap at him for lying, but nothing came, Chanyeol simply looked at him with raised brows as if he was waiting for the explanation to why they had come here. So he continued, “My dad hit me… a lot. My mom found out in like the beginning of December and a week later we moved here.”

 

His eyes bored holes into the pasta as his hand went unmoving. It was quiet, a suffocating silence and he could hear his heart beat quicken in his ears and his breath started to come out clipped and hurried again, alarming Chanyeol who shot up from the chair and hurried around to the boy. When reaching to place a hand on his shoulder Junmyeon flinched and the red head’s face twisted up before slowly placing his hands on his shoulders and spun him around on the bar stool.

 

“Junmyeon, look at me.” The latter hesitantly raised his head to look into the kind brown hues in front of him and Chanyeol smiled. “Good, good. Breathe with me now okay? You’re having another panic attack so I need you to breath with me. Long, deep breathes.” Junmyeon managed to give a short nod and followed the other as he took a deep inhale through his nose and let it out through his mouth.

 

They repeated the ritual until his shoulders slumped and his face regained some color to it. “There we go. Drink some tea.” Junmyeon did, taking the cup in his somewhat sweaty hands and sipped the hot beverage. “Was that why you were scared? Did something happen that reminded you of him?”

 

“Mhm… He got my number somehow… He c–alled me, saying he’d erase me. I was so scared. I thought he was outside the house.” Choking on his breath he forced himself to slow down and looked over to Chanyeol who stood leaned against the wooden island with worry, a hand rubbing his upper arm. “I texted Amber but she was busy and I feel close to you, we’ve talked a lot the past month. I wanted to feel safe.”

 

“It’s understandable Jun, I’m glad you texted. Never ever think twice about it though, I promise I’ll comfort you if this happens again. I won’t tell the others unless you want me to either.” He tried to avoid the topic, but he felt disgusted. Why in the world would he have a motive to hit Junmyeon? He’d always despised bullies, he himself had fallen victim of a few snide comments in kindergarten because his ears were big and folded outwards. But he was freakishly tall since a young age and no one really dared to mess with him.

 

However he’d watched way too many of his friends being ridiculed due to minor things, some even hurt physically. The latest big encounter had been when Baekhyun had teased Kyungsoo about his glasses and taken them from him, holding them out of reach as his girlfriend Taeyeon and another of the cheerleaders laughed at him. Kyungsoo had been close to tears and Chanyeol walked up and punched him square in the face, taking the glasses and given them back to the shorter.

 

Why was it that almost all of his friends were victims to bullying? Maybe he sought people out that needed help subconsciously and did his best to protect and comfort them. “Hey, your dad is a really bad person and a huge asshole. But you’ve got your mom, and when she’s not here, I will be. So will Amber, Sehun, Chen, Kai and Soo. Because even if we’ve only known each other for a few weeks we are friends and we protect each other.”

 

“Thank you.” They finished the pasta and tea and the clock showed it being past midnight and he said it was okay if he wanted he could sleep over and Chanyeol accepted. Junmyeon didn’t own any spare mattresses or anything for Chanyeol except for the couch downstairs but he didn’t want to give his mother a heart attack coming home to a strange boy sleeping in their living room so they ended up on the same bed. It was pretty spacious but the latter was tall and took up a lot of place but they slept back to back with Junmyeon’s star projector shining little dots around them for comfort.

 

When waking up the next day Junmyeon was clinging to Chanyeol, spooning him as the other snored softly against his pillow. He pushed up from the bed and blushed, thankful that he was the first one to wake. Reaching over the red head carefully he turned of the projector and got out of bed, pulling on some sweatpants and his star wars hoodie before heading downstairs. It was rather late and he was sure his mom would get up in a few hours so he started searching through the fridge to make something for the three of them and settled for kimbap since it was easy to make and it was nearing lunch rather than breakfast.

 

While he was spreading rice out on the nori Chanyeol walked down hesitantly but grinned widely when he spotted Junmyeon in the kitchen and walked over to him to help finish up. “Thank you for making breakfast, unless all of this is for you.”

 

Junmyeon laughed and handed him one of the rolls. “It’s for my mom as well so you only get two.” The taller took the roll in his hand and ate happily, eyes still cloudy with sleep, like he’d sleepwalked down the stairs at the smell of food. “It’s the least I could do for yesterday.” They stood around in the kitchen, talking and eating their brunch happily.

 

Eventually his mother came out of her room and stopped in shock as she looked at the giant in her kitchen and had to rub her eyes and blink before Junmyeon walked up to her to introduce them. “Sorry you had to meet like this. Mom, this is Chanyeol. Yeol, this is my mom.” She seemed a little confused, probably even more since she just woke up but shook his hand and nodded her head with a smile. “Nice meeting you.”

 

“Dad called me yesterday…” Junmyeon said then and his mother whipped her head around, anger flaring in her otherwise kind eyes. “That bastard has the nerve…” She hissed before cupping her son’s cheeks. “How are you feeling?”

 

“I had a panic attack, but I texted Yeol and asked him to come over and he was kind enough to do so. He kept me company.” He said honestly and his mother sighed heavily, pulling him into a hug before kissing his temple. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here honey..”

 

She pulled away and pulled Chanyeol into a hug as well. “Thank you for taking care of him while I couldn’t.”

 

“Don’t mention it.” He smiled and his mother took a kimbap roll and walked back into her room and soon Chanyeol left to go back home with a smile and a, “see you tomorrow, take it easy now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for leaving kudos and reading the first chapter and I hope I'll get the same response on the second one! <3 Things are about to go down in the upcoming two chapters so I hope you'll be excited to read what comes next. Also I really love the idea of pcy and jun being close they can be soft and cuddly.  
> Anyways thanks for reading!  
> (hoe you don't mind the chapters being a little long)
> 
>  
> 
> Playlist for this chapter:
> 
>  
> 
> Andy Burrows - Hometown
> 
> The Head and the Heart - Down in the Valley 
> 
> Greg Holden - Boys in the street
> 
> Max Jury - Home
> 
> Sam Smith - Lay me down
> 
>  
> 
> Fiestar - Mirror
> 
> EXO - Baby don't cry
> 
> IU ft. GAIN - Everyone has secrets
> 
> LuHan - Catch me when I fall
> 
> EXO - Stronger
> 
>  
> 
> Junmyeon:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909514991/
> 
> Jongdae:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909338401/
> 
> Chanyeol:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909417325/  
> his jacket:https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909417337/
> 
> Jongin:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909385871/
> 
> Kyungsoo:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909338425/
> 
> Amber:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/AYzl_oSzFSZFoOqpX0ISk6H-xJY8dF1NPByjvZCT0VxcM0bDv7_6iIY/
> 
> Sehun:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/AbP3vusI6XxtcBMY6s_qV9ymrxNlE46wf9TXWodA7WL7tVwDM2LTZ2o/
> 
> Seulgi:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/305892999675985656/
> 
> Kris:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909357762/
> 
> Zitao:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909385896/
> 
> Luhan:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909385840/


	3. social media

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yo! here's the next chapter and like always I hope y'all enjoy reading it and even if this is a more of a filler chapter it's important for the next one (which will be longer)! thank you all for reading! <3

“That boy, Jun, he was at the football practice today as well. Sat on the bleachers and “read a book” while glancing at Liam every third minute and sat there long after we ended. Probably trying to make it look like he wasn’t there to shoot longing looks at him.” Luhan said as he watched Yixing adjust his guitar, brushing his fingers over the strings until they sounded right to him.

 

“Sounds like he’s got a crush.” The boy said without averting his attention from the instrument placed across his lap. “I feel sorry for him, are they noticing?”

 

“Mhm, Brad noticed and told everyone else. Made fun of him. Kind of funny actually.” Luhan ran a hand through his light brown hair and chuckled, nudging Zitao’s shoulder with his. “Why feel sorry for him? Not like you know him.”

 

Yixing shrugged as he played mindlessly on the guitar. Minseok was sleeping on the bed so he kept it hushed, Yifan was leaning against the same bed seated on the floor playing with his phone, half listening to the conversation. “How do you even know he’s gay?” He muttered, scrolling through a dumb article on facebook.

 

“Have you even _seen_ him Kris?” Zitao laughed, “Honestly he’s what comes up in a dictionary when you look up the word “faggot”. Plus he hangs with those other gay kids and he’s so touchy with Yeol and Chen.” His nose scrunched up in disgust.

 

“Neither Chanyeol or Jongdae are gay. Plus they approached him didn’t they? He’s probably playing it safe since they were the only ones that wanted to talk to him.” Yifan turned his phone off and leaned his head back, looking tiredly over at Zitao’s glare. “You know they do this to like, all new people?”

 

“I know! Guess he’s trying to turn every straight boy gay then.” The blond grunted and frowned. “Why are you even protecting him Kris? Stop trying to defend some little twink who’s too afraid to make normal friends.”

 

After a few seconds of a stare off between the two blonds the taller eventually stood, “I’m too tired for this.” Pushing up from the side of the bed he walked out of Luhan’s room and too the hall to grab his jacket and left the house with a scandalized Zitao shooting daggers at his back as he closed the door.

 

“The fuck is his problem?” He hissed and turned his head back to look at Luhan who shrugged his shoulders.

 

Yifan pushed his headphones into his ears and turned up the volume on his playlist as he walked down the street from his friend’s house. The sun was lowering slowly, casting a pink sky in the chilly February evening. He had no intention on going home any time soon, his parents were still up and he knew they’d probably pass out sometime around ten or eleven so he just had to find somewhere to spend his time until that.

 

Honestly, he didn’t know why he was talking back to Zitao over the matter about the new boy. He just felt angry hearing him bad talking someone who’d only been here for a month and a half. Not like Junmyeon had done anything to upset him! But then again, he’d never really cared about his best friend trash talking every other student in their school three times over. So why did he get so mad now?

 

Had this something to do with how he seemed drawn to the boy? How he seemed to search for him in the corridors so he could watch him laugh and smile at something one of his friends said. Junmyeon looked pretty when he smiled, his eyes would disappear and his whole face seemed to glow as he laughed in that soft light tone, like the chirp of a pretty bird.

 

Drawing his brows together at his own odd thoughts he slowed down to a stop and looked at himself in a dark window, glaring at himself. He wasn’t gay. Was he? He’d never been attracted to men in his entire life, only had idols he’d wanted to look like physically and athletes he cheered for. He’d known if he was gay a long time ago if he was, wouldn’t he?

 

To Yifan it didn’t seem logical to get a crush on a boy. He’d had a few girlfriends and been in love. Well, as in love an inexperienced teenager can be. This things he felt for the new kid were confusing the hell out of him and he couldn’t talk to Zitao about it, maybe Yixing, he wouldn’t snort at him in disgust and spit at his feet.

 

Pushing on over the streets he searched all his pockets for change and found coins counting up to two dollars so he made a beeline towards the closest supermarket to buy something to keep him occupied. He’d wait until tomorrow and talk to Yixing. He just wanted a quiet moment from everyone and everything.

 

Waking through the sliding doors with his gaze set for the dink isle he pushed his hands into the pockets on his jacket and walked past a few older girls trying to decide if they should buy coke or sprite. He was taller than all of them. Sighing he looked over his options in the fridges that cost two dollars or less.

 

Half of him told him not to buy anything, every little coin mattered when you saved up for an apartment and it wasn’t like his family was rich. Honestly they were just bellow average with how much money they decided to spend on alcohol instead of important things like clothes, actual food or saving for his education.

 

The other half told him “fuck it, you deserve it” and eventually the logical money saving part of him won and he walked towards the checkouts with a sigh. There weren’t enough people to try and steal a can of coke either, they’d surely notice the lone teenager standing by the drink coolers then hurrying out with a suspicious lump in his jacket.

 

He walked out and headed for the park instead to sit out in the cold for a few hours before he could go home. But once he neared the park he saw who were sitting at the swings, pushing back and forth carefully and talked in murmured smiles. Junmyeon and Sehun. Something bubbled in his stomach and it wasn’t pleasant.

 

If what Zitao said was true and the new kid actually was gay, it could mean that the two were dating and it made him uneasy. Nervous. He didn’t know how long he just stood there looking at the two because they had stopped their calm swinging and were looking over at him. Walking to the side he just sat at a bench, broad back facing the two as leaned back, looking up at the darkening sky. The moon was a shard in the dark purple sea fading into black.

 

 

* * *

 

 

It was after almost a month of sitting at the bleachers watching their schools football team train he got a friend request from the quarterback Liam and he eagerly accepted, thanking every holy unity that the hot football player had noticed him. It was the twenty-first of February to be exact. Junmyeon didn’t parade it to his friends though right away and secretly texted back and forth with the other boy.

 

Just simple mindless conversations but Liam would slip in winky-faces now and then when it got closer to night but he didn’t send him a second look when he sat at the bleachers and did his homework silently. But perhaps he was afraid of what his teammates would say.

 

Other than that a few encounters had happened the last two weeks involving that boy Kris Jongdae had told him hung out with the worst bully in school. The first time was when he lost his backpack at lunch and panicked about it but ended up hurrying to class with Chanyeol not to be late when the bell rang and just before class started Yifan came up to him with his bag and said, _“I found this in the cafeteria, it’s yours. Right?”_

 

He’d stuttered out a small _“yes, oh thank you”_ and he replied with a shrug, _“don’t mention it”._ Chanyeol told him to check it to see if everything was there with a skeptical look to where Yifan walked to sit and he did, finding everything still there. After class he shot the blond a smile and he jerked his head up in a curt nod before he left with Chanyeol.

 

The next time was when he had scheduled to sit at the bleachers in the cold to watch the football team run around the tracks for warm-up. It was especially chilly so they wouldn’t practice that much actual play. Yifan and Zitao were sitting a few rows up to the middle, probably there for Luhan. But when he looked up to see what the others were doing Yifan was looking at him with a face he couldn’t read so he hurriedly pretended to look at the sky for a while before returning his attention to his paper he was writing. But he could still feel the heavy gaze on him.

 

The third encounter was when he was waiting for Amber to finish her classes so they could go home together and the boy came up to him awkwardly greeting him with another of his curt nods and a mumbled, _“Sup?”_

 

 _“Hey?”_ He’d replied and noticed just now how damn tall Yifan was, probably a head taller than himself and he was jealous of his height. _“Did I drop something more?”_ Junmyeon asked with a dry little laugh and Yifan chuckled, shaking his head.

 

 _“No, just… the football team is having a party this weekend and I’m on duty to invite people. You should come.”_ Junmyeon frowned, according to Jongdae they weren’t invited to parties, except for himself. So it sounded odd they’d want to invite Junmyeon and he looked to the side. _“We’ll see… I’m not really a party person. Plus I have to start working on our art project.”_

 

 _“Oh,”_ His voice dropped to something that sounded like disappointment and Junmyeon smiled apologetically. But even if he didn’t have things to do he wouldn’t go, the thought of being surrounded by drunken teens made him uncomfortable. _“Well, too bad. It’d be fun to have you there. See ya.”_ Their shoulders brushed when he left and Junmyeon genuinely felt a little bad.

 

Amber however told him it was probably a trick, trying to get him there to play some dumb prank on him so he was glad he’d declined.

 

Now he was lying in the sofa, one leg hanging over the back and the other bent, foot placed in the soft cushion as he texted back and forth with Liam.

 

[Liam 12:28]

 

Practice is really tough, cant wait for it to get warmer! Also the cheer squad is taking in new members, you should try out. You’d look cute in one of those outfits ; )

 

Junmyeon flushed as he read the message, the subtle flirting not going unnoticed. Maybe not even so subtle flirting either.

 

 

[Jun 12:29]

 

hahah u r just saying that!! I could never do what they do, I’ve seen them when waiting for Chen!

 

 

[Liam 12:29]

 

U sure?? I thought you were flexible, Jordan said you could easily do a split at p.e, or was he lying??

 

 

[Jun 12:30]

 

I can but that doesn’t mean I can do flips in mid air Liam!

 

 

[Liam 12:31]

 

Okay okay! How’s that art project coming along?? Figured out what u wanna do? It was a shame you couldn’t come to the party last weekend, maybe we could’ve gotten to know each other better ; )

 

 

[Jun 12:32]

 

I think I’ll do something with spring since it’s coming closer but that’s all I got. Ah, but I really cant slack with schoolwork when I’ve only been here for two months!

 

It continued like that for a while, Liam sending hints and Junmyeon blushing like the virgin he was, not really accepting the compliments he got. But soon he got up and grabbed the fabric shopping bags and the money his mother gave him. His uncle, Siwon, was coming over today and he was going to buy something at an Asian desert place in town.

 

So huddled up in his jacket and shopping bag shoved into his pocket he header out, headphones on and silently playing instrumental songs. The buss ride was long and he had to check twice on his phone where he had his destination and bus stop written down, but he was on his way still. And after forty long minutes he arrived and walked down the long busy street, filing through the people as he glanced at his phone to find his way to the shop.

 

Finding the red sign written in Chinese characters he let out a sigh and pushed the door open, making the bell hanging above it ring melodiously. And old Chinese couple sat at a small table drinking tea and then his blood went cold as he spotted Yifan and Yixing. They looked at each other before he made it to the counter and looked what they had through the glass, ignoring the feeling of their eyes on him.

 

It was a lot of it and most of it was traditionally Chinese but they had a few Korean pastries as well and the second he saw they had kkultare he decided to buy three of those and but it wasn’t enough so he tried to find something else when someone appeared at his side. He flinched at the sudden presence and looked to his left to meet eyes with Yixing who smiled at him softly, a dimple forming at the corner of his cheek. “Can I suggest something?”

 

“Oh, yeah. I’m having a hard time picking. It’s a lot and I don’t know much about Chinese deserts.” Yixing nodded and pointed at fluffy looking triangle shaped pastries with sesame seeds on. “Sou, it’s fried pastry with walnut paste filling, one of my favorites. And paper wrapped cakes. It’s basically sponge cake.” He pointed at the bottom at the middle sized fluffy white sponge cakes wrapped in silk paper.

 

“They look really good. Thank you, Lay, right?” The boy with black neatly cut hair nodded and his smile grew, having a positive affect on him, making his own lips tug into a smile. “I think I’ll go with the paper wrapped cakes however. My uncle is allergic to walnuts.”

 

“Then I think that’s the best choice. I hope it’s to your liking as well as mine.” He said and returned to his seat in front of Yifan who was watching the scene and he felt his cheeks heat up when he actually smiled at him. It was only a small upturn of the right corner of his lips, but it fitted him more than the usual scowl.

 

Junmyeon bought two of the paper wrapped cakes and three kkultare pastries and waved at the two when exiting, thankful for Yixing’s help. So with that he was on his way back home to set up for later. It was too bad Yixing hung out with Zitao; he’d like to be friends with him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“You really like him huh?” Yixing said as Yifan looked after the other as he walked down the street. His brown hair blew in the wind and he clutched onto the fabric bag tightly. “He’s cute. Honestly he’s beautiful, maybe more than Tae.”

 

“I know…” Yifan sighed and looked down into his half empty cup. “But every time I try and talk to him he runs away. We’ve never had a real conversation.”

 

“It’s because your best friend is Huang Zitao, he’s probably scared. And it’s not like Lu or Tao are nice towards his friends. They can be rather nasty towards them. Just last week Tao told Kai to get his faggot ass out of his way when he stood in the corridor talking to Taemin.” Yifan grunted, resting his chin in his palm.

 

“It sucks. But I’m not mean am I? I know I kinda look scary but I haven’t been in a fight once since he came here.” Yixing laughed as his friend whined about his crush not paying him any attention. “Plus he’s into Liam, which is weird since he’s not even gay.”

 

“Neither were you until you saw him. Plus love don’t work that way Kris, you can’t control it like that.” Yifan rolled his eyes and smiled a little. “He looks so cute though, when he sits on the bleachers wrapped up in his scarf and jacket. He’s so obvious, but he thinks he’s discrete. He caught me staring at him a few weeks ago and he blushed.”

 

“Dreamy.” The dark haired boy said and smiled as Yifan looked at the table with a soft, longing expression on his face. “If you stop hanging with Tao maybe –“

 

“I won’t ditch Tao just because I’m trying to take Jun out. Were best friends and that would be rude.” With a shrug Yixing leaned back and looked down at his lap. “I don’t think he’ll want to talk to any of us honestly, as long as we hang with Tao and Lu we’re labeled as bullies. Even if he hasn’t seen you do things I’m sure Chen told him the second he came back. You know how they are with each other.” Lifting his hands and locking them together he held them up in front of Yifan’s face. “They’re bunched together like this, you know. They look out for each other. And Jun is a lost bunny in a forest full of wolves.”

 

Yifan smiled. “Bunny, he kinda looks like a bunny. Cute, small and soft.” Yixing rolled his eyes, the blond lost in his own thoughts about Junmyeon and he looked at the clock. “We should go now though, Tao should be home by now.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Uncle Siwon!” Junmyeon yelled as the man walked through the front door with a warm smile. He ran up to his mother and uncle who hugged and she helped him set his jacket and bag aside. The boy grinned widely as he crashed into the elder’s chest, wrapping his arms around his mid section as a large hand ruffled his hair.

 

He towered over Junmyeon and was double as wide in built. “Hi there Myeonie! How’s my favorite nephew?” The man grinned and pushed away from the hug to examine his face, humming in thought with his lips pursed. “Still no facial hair… I guess I won’t teach you how to shave just yet then.” Siwon joked and the younger rolled his eyes.

 

“You _should_ shave.” Siwon put a hand over his chest and gasped. “When did my pure little Myeonie turn into such a sassy little thing? Is it the new school?”

 

“Are you planning on staying in the hall the whole time you’re here Siwon? Come into the living room, we’ve actually set a couch up now. Tea and pastries are set up on the table.” Yu-bin called from the kitchen as she filled a glass of water.

 

“Oh right, I have a gift for you as well Myeonie. Go sit down and I’ll take it from my bag.” He winked and Junmyeon made his way back to the couch, pouring up tea for all three of them and his mother sat down in the small sofa at the right of the table and Siwon came in with a hurriedly wrapped gift.

 

“Because you’ve been so strong. I’m really proud of you Junmyeon and we’re all really happy that you are safe now. And I know you already have one but… this one really reminded me of you so I had to get it. I also have a card of money in there, save them for spring?” He said and handed him the packet.

 

Smiling he took it and pulled the tie off and tore the paper off carefully when he reached the soft center he let out a soft sound, “aaah!” He held the bunny plush in his hands, caressing the light brown bunny with a small sun flower embroided on it’s chest. He smiled and set it in his lap, running his fingers along the floppy ears. “It’s so cute. I love it. You know… you could have gotten me a live bunny.” He laughed and let it stay in his lap and set the envelope of money on the table as he took his teacup.

 

“Well your mom wouldn’t let me! I promise I wanted to get you one. But you’re in school and she’s at work and you have friends to hang out with the little thing would be so lonely.” He sighed and took a piece of the paper wrapped cake.

 

They talked for hours, Siwon asking how his new school was and let his nephew talk about his new friends and what they’d done the past month. He was glad that he was happy and felt secure around a group of people and could relax at home. But eventually he had to drive back home and Junmyeon hugged him goodbye, telling him to say hi to his friends if he saw them back at north.

 

He waved at them a last time from the car before driving off and Junmyeon decided to retire to his room. Junmyeon said good night to his mom and took his bunny and card upstairs, placing the bigger brown bunny next to the white smaller one and hid the money in one of the boxes at his desk.

 

Liam had texted him.

 

[Liam 14:56]

 

How’s the visit going???

 

 

[Liam 16:03]

 

Did you lie to me? Is it someone there? Are you cheating on me : ((

 

 

[Liam 16:39]

 

hahaha just kidding! Text me when you can im waiting for a reply ; )

 

 

[Jun 19:48]

 

The visit was nice, haven’t seen my uncle in ages! What you been up to?

 

 

[Liam 19:53]

 

Not much, did some homework and talked to someone from the team. You’re texting at a good time though ; )

 

 

[Jun 19:55]

 

Am I??

 

 

[Liam 20:00]

 

You like me, right? I’m not wrong about you crushing on me?

 

 

[Jun 20:14]

 

Yeha, I do. Do you like me?

 

 

[Liam 20:16]

 

You’re cute, how could I not! Anyways, I’m horny, could you sext with me? Until I’m done

 

 

Junmyeon read the message surely eight times, thinking it was wrong every time but no. His eyes were not betraying him, Liam asked him to talk dirty with him while he jerked off and his entire face became red. Looking towards his bedroom door, it felt like he did something bad. But Liam liked him and he thought he was cute.

 

[Jun 20:20]

 

Never done that before but tell me what to write and I’ll try?

 

 

[Liam 20:32]

 

Good, well. If you were here, what would you do? I’m in my underwear lying on my bed.

 

Swallowing down he started typing. He’d watched little porn and never had sex before. He had kissed a boy in his last school but never had a boyfriend. But he knew how a blowjob worked from the low quality videos he’d seen in hurried visits to shady porn sites.

 

Junmyeon typed and when sending he was shaking in agitation and decided to lay down on his bed and breathe out, clutching the two bunnies to his chest as he waited for a reply. Maybe Liam wanted him to be there on his knees with his lips wrapped around his dick. It sent odd shivers up his spine and Junmyeon wasn’t sure if they were good or not. He didn’t really like it.

 

It felt wrong writing down sexual acts like that but his mind went blank as he got a reply. What Liam had written back was just as provocative. It continued back and forth for a few messages until the other told him he was done.

 

That night he went to bed feeling oddly disgusted with himself, but Liam had liked the attempted dirty talking. Junmyeon hugged both bunnies to his chest and stared out the window over his bed, the stars were twinkling in the sky, it made him think back to when Sehun and he was at the park and Yifan had sat on the bench alone for an hour just staring at the sky. What had he been thinking about when looking at the stars?

 

It was also that night Junmyeon dreamt about Yifan for the first time. It was about that night, but he was alone and instead of just sitting at the swings he approached the other boy and they ran off somewhere together.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Yixing sighed as he listened to Zitao and Yifan bicker again, but the blond kept looking at his phone and writing something. “I’m not the one being dethatched Tao, you’re not even whole heartedly into this!” The other grunted and crossed his arms.

 

Without even flinching Zitao grinned at his phone and wrote down whatever he was typing. “Mhm, I have important things to write calm your dick Kris. You’re getting what you deserve for being a ass towards me.”

 

“How Zitao? _How_ have I been an ass towards you? You’ve taken every moment you could to being rude. Last time I checked that’s not how best friends treat each other.”

 

“All you ever do is stalking after that new kid Jun! You don’t pay attention to anything in school except for him; you haven’t even had a real conversation! How can you be oh so in love with a _boy_ you don’t even know?” Zitao laid his phone down on the couch with a thud. “Since when are you even gay? I thought you were normal.”

 

“Since when are gays not normal?” Yixing muttered under his breath and Zitao glared at him. “Shut it –“

 

“Are you being this rude because I have a crush on Jun? Is this what’s all your fits are about? That I like a boy?” Yifan’s brows rose and he scoffed, kicking the edge of the red and yellow carpet with his left foot.

 

Honestly it was silly, childish even! He knew about Zitao’s distaste in people liking the same sex but he thought he’d be at least a little supportive when he told him that he was crushing on the new kid. Instead he’d gotten a disgusted scoff and a roll of his eyes. But he couldn’t be mad at him; he still loved Zitao like a brother even if he was impossible to talk rationally to most of the time. They’d gone through a lot since childhood so of course they’d stay by each other’s sides even if things happened.

 

But this minor crush on a boy seemed to take a tool on their friendship. Zitao was spitting out accusations every time they met and he was getting tired of it. Of hearing him call Junmyeon things, being called things and being accused of distancing himself from them even if it was Zitao who recoiled when he approached.

 

“You know, Tao. I love you like a brother but I’m getting tired of being called a gay boy. I didn’t choose to crush on Jun! But since it bothers you so much maybe I should just stop being around you? Should I leave? Because even after years you seem to hate me because I try to talk to a single boy.”

 

“That’s not what I mean Kris!” The blond wailed and his phone sounded again and he was quick to pick it up to read. “I just want you not to talk about him twenty-four seven. You stopped paying attention to me.”

 

“I get it. You’re pissed because it’s not all about you anymore. You’re so selfish.” Yifan sighed, “I’m getting something from the fridge, anyone else want something?” He asked and Yixing shook his head and the blond was typing away on his phone. Rolling his eyes the boy rolled his eyes and with a frown walked into the kitchen.

 

Yixing looked over at the other with pleading eyes. “Be easy on him Tao… You know he’s having a hard time right now. His father has been drinking much more lately. He doesn’t need more negativity and your house is his getaway and now he barley wants to come here.”

 

Pausing his typing Zitao looked down on the floor. “He didn’t tell me about that..I didn’t know. That’s why he’s been strolling around at night and crashing at Baekhyun’s a few nights. Fuck… But, you know how I feel –“

 

“We all know how you feel and we respect that, we really do, but please try to think about not pushing so much shit on him. It’s bad seeing you two arguing day in and day out.”

 

With a simple nod he took his phone back up and started typing again. “Whom are you even writing with? You’ve never looked so interested in a conversation before.”

 

Sending away the text his lips curled up in a grin and looked over the edge to the black haired boy next to him. A bad feeling settled in Yixing’s stomach at the wayward look in the other’s eyes. “Junmyeon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was really nice getting some comments on the last chapters, I really appreciate the feed back and I'm glad y'all enjoy reading this. So I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well even if it was a lil shorter than the previous ones, but ooooh!! Drama! It'll escalate in the next one and I hope y'all ready! thanks for reading <3
> 
>  
> 
> Playlist for this chapter:
> 
> Arctic Monkeys - Do I Wanna Know?
> 
> MGMT - Kids
> 
> The Kooks - Naive
> 
> The Killers - Human
> 
> Foster The People - Call It What You Want
> 
>  
> 
> EXO - Heaven
> 
> Taeyeon - Lonely Night
> 
> 4minute (포미닛) - Canvas
> 
> NCT 127 - Baby Don't Like It
> 
> BLACKPINK – Playing With Fire
> 
>  
> 
> Siwon:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/104990235041558858/
> 
> Junmyeon:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909337333/sent/?sender=303078387331742484&invite_code=32f318ff8b404687985d6f37c8f84754
> 
> Yifan:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909337535/sent/?sender=303078387331742484&invite_code=0db11a8324014a5a8676f5d7dbcce779
> 
> Yixing:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909338003/sent/?sender=303078387331742484&invite_code=c31e5fc5c1ab40de9b8091dfbcd35079
> 
> Zitao:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909337698/sent/?sender=303078387331742484&invite_code=3b31cb8d0c79468eac7d526ad61dab15
> 
> Yu-bin:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/150166968804369357/


	4. mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a lot of things are happening in this chapter so damn, have fun!

“How long have you been talking to him?” Yixing asked in a low mumble as they walked down the corridor to the cafeteria. “Two months now. He’s so naïve, he actually thinks that Liam would talk to him!”

 

The shorter hushed his friend quickly and frowned. “Don’t you think you’re taking this too far? You’ve done a lot but this feels like too much. Don’t do this to Jun and don’t do this to Kris, your best friend. He really likes Jun and I don’t like how you manipulate this poor boy. He hasn’t done anything to you!”

 

“He deserves it! I–don’t talk with me okay forget it! Not like you’ll stop me either way, what will you do?” Zitao then stormed off in the other direction, almost pushing a girl over as he shouldered his way through the people. Yixing sighed and continued walking to the cafeteria to meet up with Luhan, hoping he took his advice.

 

When passing by the lockers he caught a glimpse of Yifan smiling at Junmyeon who laughed at something he said. The taller had a nervous posture, hands fiddling in his pockets and tapping the toes of his right foot against the floor. He had a silly proud grin as he continued to talk to Junmyeon who grinned widely, eyes disappearing in crescents as his melodious laugh sounded in the corridor.

 

“You’re funny Kris.” Junmyeon breathed and giggled as he looked towards the cafeteria, the others were probably sitting waiting for him but he liked getting to know the tall brunet, he was interesting and unbelievable funny. But he was still a little scared of him.

 

“I try my best. But hey, you free this weekend? I thought maybe we could hang out if you want.” Yifan smiled, his features softening up and the shorter licked his lips then nodded. “Sure, it’d be really fun. Let me write my number down so we can decide a time?” Junmyeon dug into his backpack for his notebook and pen, scribbling down his number and ripping the corner off and handed it to Yifan who grinned.

 

“Cool, really cool! I’ll text you. I won’t hold you back any longer lunch is soon over. But it’s always nice talking to you Jun. And you know I’m taking my license, I’ll get it this autumn. I could drive you around then.”

 

“Oh! That’s neat; I’m too scared to actually drive a car. But I’d gladly ride with you when you get your license. I’m going now, but I’ll see you this weekend Kris.” Waving at the other timidly Junmyeon walked into the cafeteria, holding his backpack in his hand and walked to sit down with Chanyeol and Sehun to eat his lunch, homemade this time.

 

The last month he and Kris had been talking now and then. It was a little awkward and stiff but they were easing up to each other and he liked it a lot actually. Even if Zitao and Luhan scared the shit out of him Yifan and Yixing were both friendly and funny.

 

It started when he sat at the bleachers like usually, sneaking little glances on Liam while doing his homework and Yifan sat down next to him. _“Hey, what’s up?”_

 

 _“Just doing my homework in the nice spring weather.”_ They smiled timidly at each other as Junmyeon wrote down a formula on his paper. _“Did…did you want anything?”_ Junmyeon looked around incase Zitao was lurking somewhere, ready to play a prank on him. But all he saw was Jongdae and the girls practicing on their part of the field.

 

 _“I’m not interrupting am I? I just wanted to talk a little, nothing special. You look a little lonely sitting here every week.”_ With a shrug Yifan leaned back against the seats behind him. _“I know I probably come off as really weird and…you’re probably scared of me.”_

_“No! No, well. I am a little weary, but I don’t know you yet so of course I’ll be a little withdrawn. But we could talk, I need to finish this though so I hope you don’t mind me doing it while talking?”_

 

 _“Of course not.”_ They talked casually until Junmyeon felt his butt get too cold and hands shaking too much to write anything more down. Together they walked down to the buss stop before Yifan said bye and left to walk the other way. Apparently he lived on the other side of town.

 

However, he’d been so lost in their conversation and eager to hang with the other outside of school the history project he and Jongdae were working on slipped his mind and he turned to see where Yifan was and spotted him walking down the corridor.

 

Licking his lips he hurried over the table and told Chanyeol to look after his bag because he needed to talk to someone and before he could reply Junmyeon was jogging down the corridor to catch up with the distance Yifan put between them with his long legs. “Kris!” Junmyeon called as the other boy stopped and then turned around confused. Letting out a breath he slowed down, but almost screeched to a halt when he saw Zitao glaring at him with resent.

 

“Did you want anything Jun?” He asked and the shorter blond snapped his head to glare holes into the side of his friends face. “Y–yeah, I forgot me and Chen are going to work on our history project. I can’t this weekend I’m sorry…” Yifan looked a little disappointed but smiled at him so kindly and nodded.

 

“I get it, it’s fine. Maybe next weekend then? I still have your number, we can always decide something over text.” He held up the little scrap of paper and waved it a little before putting it back in his pocket. “Yeah, yeah we could do that. Have a nice day, you too Tao.”

 

The blond snorted and rolled his eyes and Yifan just grinned at him and nodded. “You too Jun, see ya around!” With a quick nod he hurried back to the cafeteria to finish his lunch before class started and Chanyeol seemed suspicious when he came back. “Why are you blushing?” He muttered and Junmyeon pretended not to hear as he asked Sehun to pass him his fork.

 

When Yifan turned back to the other Zitao was fuming. “You asked him out?” The spite in his honey sweet voice was poisonous and Yifan just frowned at him and grunted in agreement. “I did, but as he said he was booked this weekend so it’ll be some other time.”

 

It was clear the other wanted to say something but instead he let out a sigh and tightened his hands into fists. “Lay told me your dad’s been drinking more… I–you know I’m here if you need to talk. My doors are always open.” Yifan sighed as well.

 

“Yeah, sure. I’m not talking in here, though… You know how quick shit goes around in these walls. We’re going to our usual spot.” Zitao nodded in agreement, they skipped the two last lessons and headed to an abandoned parking lot behind the local mall. This was where they usually went when smoking so no one would notice; Yixing introduced them to the place since he was the one who found it.

 

“He hasn’t…hit you, has he?” Yifan shook his head and lit a cigarette. “No, he hasn’t gone that far yet. It’s still just verbal. He’s been lashing out a lot lately though. Smashed a glass against the wall because I was home late. Mom is trying to sober up now so she’s at her sister’s house. She never said when or if she’s coming back.”

 

“That’s positive at least.” Zitao lit a cigarette as well and the brunet sighed. “But if he goes further and tries to hurt you I am going to report them to social services.”

 

“I guess, I’m glad she’s strong enough to fix herself. But she won’t dare try talking dad into sobering up. I was at Baek’s for a few nights, after last time we fought; I didn’t want to come after you after that. And I was still to bitter to apologize.” Cringing Yifan shrugged and took another inhale. “I don’t know. I don’t want to find another family. Who wants to adopt a five foot eight tall sixteen-year-old? Plus I look scary, if I had been Baek that wouldn’t be a problem. But I don’t know where I’ll end up. My life will be even more fucked. At least I have good friends.”

 

“I’m mad I made you feel like you couldn’t come to me. I could be like, super mad at you but I won’t let you stay home with that ass. You’re my best friends Kris; I don’t want you to feel bad. Even if we do fight a lot… that’s what friends do? And I guess…I just want you to feel safe and happy.”

 

Yifan chuckled and wrapped his arm around Zitao’s shoulders and rubbed it as he inhaled the smoke of his cigarette. “Yeah, we’ve been together for too long to be separated. We’re basically brothers. And..thank you.” They both grinned and Zitao shoved him to the side with a laugh.

 

“Anyway,” the brunet said and flicked some ashes of the cigarette, “I managed to force my dad to give me driving lessons and my sister is helping me finding a job, she did tip me to the local café since she worked there when she was about my age. They liked her so maybe I have a chance. I don’t care if I have to scrub the dishes and clean the toilets. If it’s money it’s money.”

 

“Neat, are you getting a car?” A few cars zipped by and they watched. “Not from them, but Mel said she’d give me her old one so I’m all good, best sister ever if you ask me.”

 

“That’s really neat. And, like…do you wanna stay at my place some time this week? Just say so. My doors are always open for you.”

 

“Thanks Tao, I really appreciate it.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Hand me the red sharpie Jun, and the glue.” Jongdae muttered as he cut out another piece of text and badly out printed pictures from the schools old printer. The colors were off and they had laughed at the discolored landscapes of Egypt and how the sand seemed to be almost green.

 

“Here” He said and leaned over the floor and threw the glue over to the other as well as the sharpie as he continued to draw a sphinx on a sheet of normal white paper. Giving a sigh he held the picture up. “You think this is good enough? Can it pass as a sphinx?”

 

“Hell yeah, you’re really good at drawing Jun!” He said excitedly and threw him the scissors and the brunet jerked back with a fearful expression. Jongdae smiled sheepishly as Junmyeon scowled. “Don’t throw scissors Chen! Hasn’t anyone told you it’s dangerous? What if you poked my eyes out with it?”

 

Jongdae sighed and crawled over the supplies scattered over the floor to where Junmyeon was sat cross-legged with the drawn picture in his hand. “I’m sorry Juuun~!” He threw his arms around the other’s shoulders and pulled him into a hug, nuzzling his cheek against the short brown strands. Junmyeon giggled and leaned into the hug and when Jongdae spread his legs and pulled him closer he wrapped his arms around the other’s midsection. “I won’t throw more scissors at you.”

 

“Thank you, I appreciate that Jongdae.” He smiled and pulled away; Jongdae grinned and patted his arm. “Let’s finish this project now then so we have the next week off.” He said and handed him the scissor, their fingers brushed together and the shorter grabbed the scissor and began cutting out the sphinx with a few millimeter of the white paper edging around it.

 

With a hum the other moved to sit next to Junmyeon and pulled all the supplies over to them as he continued gluing papers onto the yellow board. It took another thirty minutes to be done with all the work and they cleaned up all the small paper pieces scattering around before setting the board about ancient Egypt on Junmyeon’s desk.

 

Dinner went by quickly and Jongdae called his mom to say good night and tell her they ate dinner and that no, they wouldn’t skip school tomorrow. Now they were seated in the sofa watching a scary movie even if Junmyeon had whined about not being able to sleep later and that he couldn’t watch scary movies but the other said they were sleeping in the same bed later either way.

 

Junmyeon finally gave in and sat with his knees to his chest, clutching onto a pillow and pressed against Jongdae’s side as the bad quality scary movie played on his laptop. Paranormal he thinks it was called. Honestly he didn’t believe in ghosts, but the thought of an unstoppable force terrorizing you terrified him.

 

They were a good forty minutes in and things started to build up slowly and Jongdae seemed to love it, every time something moved on the screen he’d tense up a little but his eyes sparkled in interest for more. Suddenly his phone buzzed and the brunet jumped at the sound before reaching for the phone and grinned at the bad joke Yifan sent him, giggling quietly.

 

“Who’s that?” Jongdae asked, leaning into him, placing his cheek against the mess of hair and looked at the screen. “Kris,” was his reply as he sent a few laughing emoticons back and some text about him dying, and then commenting on the scary movie.

 

“Kris? Wu Yifan?” Jongdae asked and pulled away to look at him with one eyebrow raised in question. “Yeah, we were gonna hang out but we needed to work on the project and I gave him my number. He’s actually really funny.”

 

“Mhm, he’s not bothering you though? Not using you? I don’t want him to just do this as some kind of bad joke.” In the past he hadn’t heard of Yifan doing any of the sort but every time could be a first and he knew how much Zitao seemed to hate the other and Yifan was his best friend.

 

“I’ll tell you if he annoys me I promise.” Junmyeon promised and put his phone away, wrapping his arms back around his knees. He bit his lip and watched as the characters talked on screen about the mysterious happenings in their house.

 

Yesterday Liam had asked him to send a rather…provocative picture at night and he’d been very weary of it at first and said that he didn’t know about that, but he was eventually convinced into sending it. But not without feeling disgusted with him afterwards.

 

He’d set up his phone on his shelf and set the timer on ten seconds as he laid back on a pillow and pulled his knees up to his chest, slightly spread as he hooked his arms under his knees in only his briefs. It clicked, and there was a picture of him laying down, legs spread and lips moist with how he licked them to keep them soft.

 

Standing on his knees he set on the timer again and did the second pose, on his hands and knees then face down and ass up, letting his vulnerable poses be captured on his phone before he sent them. Liam hadn’t replied, only read. It was making him rip his hair in discomfort, he hated that he stopped replying after sending something like that.

 

“Junmyeon?” Jerking his head to the side he looked at an amused Jongdae. “Are you that into the movie? I tried calling for you like three times, I almost thought you were possessed.” For empathize he wiggled his fingers in front of him before poking and ticking at his side, making Junmyeon giggle and squirm.

 

“I asked if you wanna go upstairs before it gets too scary and we can go directly to sleep when it’s done.” With a nod they paused and packed everything up and left the kitchen lights on when padding upstairs and settling into bed. But not after Junmyeon went through his night routine and Jongdae reveled that he also used face washes with a small blush and hurried into the room to grab his travel pack of face wash and then they brushed their teeth together.

 

After that they pulled a chair over to set the laptop up on as a makeshift table and then snuggled back into the duvet and pillows, clicking play.

 

Sitting in the dark in his room on the second floor felt even scarier than sitting downstairs with the lights on and he huddled up next to Jongdae, practically clinging to him when a jump scare came up and he buried his face into the other’s neck with a whine.

 

Silently the other wrapped his arms around the other and rubbed his shoulder soothingly as they movies climax started at only twenty minutes left and Junmyeon straight out refused to look up at the screen as they continued to scream and cry. “We can turn it off, I’ve seen it before either way.” Jongdae said after a few minutes and pried the scared boy off himself to turn it off and close the tab.

 

Finally having courage enough Junmyeon lifted his head and let out a sigh, grabbing his two bunnies and placing them on the shelf above the bed. “Let’s lay down then, sorry we don’t have a spare bed for you.”

 

“I don’t mind at all really, you’ll be scared if you’re alone either way.” Jongdae helped with setting the pillows back and shifting the duvet until it was straight and they snuggled in under it. “I actually prefer this.” He said and wrapped an arm around Junmyeon, moving closer. “You don’t mind do you?”

 

Shaking his head the other wrapped himself around his friend and smiled. “I feel secure like this.” Jongdae grinned; almost mischievously as he ran his fingers along his arm and massaged his biceps. The star projector was turned on like always, comforting him with the artificial stars made of light. They cuddled for what felt like forever but Junmyeon couldn’t fall asleep.

 

“Jun.” Jongdae murmured suddenly and he glanced up, shifting his head a little to look him straight in the eyes as they laid there. “You can totally say no if you don’t want to. But can I…can I kiss you?” The latter blushed at his own request and stopped his movements.

 

Junmyeon was surprised. He didn’t know Jongdae was gay, he’d stated that he didn’t swing that way and he’d been a little disappointed because he really thought that Jongdae was beautiful. Because they were friends he’d refrained from thinking about him while jerking off, though. And the request caught him off guard and he’d lie if he said ha hadn’t thought of kissing him.

 

“I’m not trying to go out with you, I’m just curious.” It was odd to see the other act so timid and unsure and Junmyeon simply looked at him with mouth slightly hanging open in shock. “I’m so –“

 

“Yeah.” He said finally, shifting a little closer, his breath coming out a little ragged. “You can kiss me.” With a small smile Jongdae leaned in, eyes shifting from his warm brown hues to his lips before closing. Their lips touched and it was a careful brush of lips, then a gentle press. Junmyeon closed his eyes as well and gripped onto the sweatshirt Jongdae was wearing as the latter began to caress his arm again and moved his lips delicately against his.

 

It was nothing like Junmyeon had imagined it would be like to kiss Jongdae. He’d expected him to be way more eager and touch his ass and thighs. But here he was gently pressing their lips together and caressing his arm carefully like he’d shy back if he went any quicker. Honestly, it was very nice. And the dark haired boy had surprisingly soft lips.

 

When pulling away Jongdae had this stupid smile that triggered the other into giggling and he moved closer, pressing their lips together a second time and Jongdae laced their fingers together. “Your lips are actually dryer than I thought.” Jongdae mused as they pulled away again and letting out a scandalized gasp he slapped his arm and the other wailed pitifully.

 

“Shut up!” Came his high-pitched reply and shoved Jongdae off of him and started tickling his sides but got no reaction. Pouting like a child Junmyeon looked up at Jongdae. “You’re not ticklish…”

 

“But you are.” With a yelp he was pressed into the bed as Jongdae let his fingers skim over the loose t-shirt covering his ribs and waist. Junmyeon squirmed and panted out laughs as he tried to push the other away, but his years of working out and being a cheerleader made him much stronger than scrawny little Junmyeon.

 

“It’s not fair!” He screamed and kicked with his legs as Jongdae finally stopped his torture and he let out a wheezing breath. “But it’s still funny. You’re easy to mess with, that’s why I gotta protect you from assholes like Kris.” He said and flopped down next to him on the bed again.

 

“But he hasn’t done anything bad. You said so yourself. Or is there something you’re not telling me.” Exaggerating a gasp Junmyeon brought his hand up to his mouth. “Or are all of this just some huge conspiracy against me? Since the first day you all have just pretended to be my friends to pull some joke on me?” They both giggled and Jongdae shook his head as he again wrapped himself around the other.

 

“No and no. I just think of what could result in you hanging around Tao. Just be careful.” With a nod the brunet leaned his forehead against Jongdae’s. “I will be, I’m just making friends. I’ll play nice I promise.”

 

Smiling at the other the black haired boy cupped his shoulder gently and leaned in for another kiss and Junmyeon happily responded to it. This time it was more touching as he was pulled up to cover Jongdae’s body with his. Letting out a small whine as a hand moved down his back Junmyeon jerked his hips forward by some reflex he didn’t know he had. Underneath him the other let out a gasp and bucked his hips as well to rub their groins together.

 

It felt good, really good. But Junmyeon pulled away. “I don’t know.. Won’t things get weird? I mean… I don’t like you like that. It’s really nice kissing you but.. I’m still a virgin.”

 

“Me too. And I don’t like like you either. I don’t intend on having sex with you. But it won’t get weird unless we make it weird.” Looking each other in the eyes they both gave a small nod and shyly Junmyeon began to move his hips against Jongdae’s. It would be some good practice for when he actually is with someone he likes and he won’t act that clueless about how to please another boy.

 

And he rather does it with someone he was this comfortable with than some stranger. Jongdae moaned quietly and moved with him until they were both half hard in their briefs. They shared a few more shy kisses and awkward fumbled caresses of body parts.

 

“Can I give you a blow job?” Junmyeon suddenly said, pushing his shyness away, after all they’d come this far. In a daze the other nodded, his black glossy hair tussled and lips shining with spit. “I’ve.. Never gotten one before. I’ve only masturbated.”

 

“I have, but I don’t know what a good one is supposed to feel like.” Junmyeon grinned, cheeks glowing in the dim light of stars and Jongdae grinned as well and giggled as the other moved down under the duvet, taking it with him as he kneeled in between his legs.

 

“Tell me if I should do anything or if I do anything wrong.” He murmured and pulled down Jongdae’s briefs to his thighs and stared at his hardening dick, feeling his cheeks heat up and he coughed a little. “Okay.”

 

“Just use a lot of spit and no teeth.” Taking in the tips he nodded and collected a good amount of spit in his mouth before leading down to suck on the head glistening with pre-cum. He listened to the pleasured sigh Jongdae let out and let out a out drawn sigh as he tried to cover his whole mouth over him but gagged and pulled away coughing.

 

“Are you okay?” Jongdae asked as he coughed with tears in his eyes but he smiled and nodded, wiping some tears from his flushed cheeks. “I guess I should take it slower, I’m fine.” Junmyeon assured him and puckered his lips, letting spit drip down on the shaft and wrapped his arm around him, moving his hand like he used to do with himself. He put his mouth back on the other’s cock again, not waning to go further down again.

 

He was glad his mother wasn’t home and wouldn’t be home any time soon, Jongdae was vocal, if so to say. Maybe he was getting close. Because he was moaning and almost shrieking in pleasure as he bucked his hips up. “I’m coming..!” Jongdae warned and the other pulled away, lips wet and swollen as he continued to jerk him off until he let out a loud groan and he felt the warm sticky release in his palm.

 

Licking his lips Junmyeon looked at his table at the paper towels and then moved to reach over, setting one hand on the bedside table. He wiped his hand and flopped down on the bed. “Was it okay? It won’t be weird now right?” Jongdae fixed his underwear back up to his hips.

 

“It was okay for being your first time, and no, it won’t be weird. But I do need to return the favor.” That was all he said before rolling to his side and spit into his hand, sneaking his hand into Junmyeon’s underwear, listening to the choked whine and the latter moved to burrow his face into the side of Jongdae’s neck in embarrassment.

 

It made his heart race how he was indulging in something like this. First the dirty pictures he sent to Liam and now he was well, platonically sucking his friend off. Back in North Carolina he’d never done this. Honestly this was off for him to do. It wasn’t like him. However small parts of him liked it, being daring and try new things.

 

But he wasn’t so sure about the pictures now in after hand.

 

Jongdae leaned in to press his lips to his neck and began to kiss and suck at a spot and his whole body shuddered in delight and he pressed closer to the other boy. His right thigh was wrapped over Jongdae’s hip and he had his head tilted back as the latter mouthed at his neck.

 

He didn’t last long like that and with a quiet whimper shuddered all over and came. Junmyeon felt his legs tremble but he rolled over to grab another paper towel for Jongdae and pulled his underwear back up, blushing furiously. “Thanks, I guess? Is that what you say in a situation like this?”

 

They both started laughing, throwing the paper onto the floor and snuggling up against each other again to fall asleep. “I guess, and thank you too then. Maybe we should sleep to get up for school tomorrow.”

 

Junmyeon nodded and closed his eyes. “Nigh Chen.”

 

“Night Jun.”

 

* * *

 

 

Yifan slammed the door shut and panted as he heard his father yelling from inside and grabbing his jacket tighter in his hand he took off down the stairs and behind the building as the door opened. “Come back you good for nothing little shit! Learn to respect your father!” A glass bottle shattered somewhere on the street and he flinched at the sound before the door slammed shut again and he released a breath he didn’t know he was holding and slipped the bomber jacket on and started jogging.

 

He’d come home and apparently forgotten to clean the house and being in school hadn’t been a good enough excuse for him and had immediately started yelling a him for being a useless piece of shit and had started acting violent. So he grabbed his jacket as quick as he could, jammed his feet into his sneakers and hurried out as he stood from the couch, ready to haul the glass beer bottle in his head.

 

His breath was coming short and his hands were trembling as he ran down the path, ignoring every buss stop, he didn’t want to wait for one to come. He could run to Zitao’s house. However he probably should give him a heads up. So slowing down to walk for just a minute he sent a message to him with shaking hands that he was coming over soon.

 

Zitao soon sent back a message confirming that he would be ready whenever he came. Getting back into sprinting he thanked the times he was out playing basketball with the other kids in the neighborhood, if not he’d probably be wheezing doubled over right now.

 

It was a rather long run and when he finally arrived at his friend’s house his libs were trembling in fatigue and his breath labored. After all Zitao lived in an expensive house in a nice clean cut community while he lived in a run down apartment complex with struggling families and drug addicts. At least he guessed some of them did drugs.

 

Walking up to the door he rang the bell and in mere seconds it opened and Zitao smiled at him sadly in his pajamas, motioning for him to come in. “Luhan is here as well. You staying the night I suppose?” Yifan only nodded, still trying to calm his breathing down to normal as he shrugged his jacket of and kicked of his shoes.

 

“Mom is away on a business trip over night. Do you wanna talk about it?”

 

“No, it’s fine. I just need some calm place to sleep. And I don’t want to upset you by going to Baek first.” Zitao laughed and locked the door, walked them up to his room where Luhan greeted him with a grin and a nod. “Sup Kris.”

 

“Hey.” He replied and smiled. “Should I take the guest room, I’m kinda tired.”

 

“Yeah! Sure, we’re in the middle of something either way. But just come in if you need anything. You just feel like home Kris.” Yifan nodded and walked down the hall to the guest room and closed the door, kicking his jeans off and laid down in the bed, letting out a sigh.

 

“You know if he walks in on us doing this he’s going to kill us both right?” Luhan said and the blond shrugged. “He’ll fall asleep right away, I promise. And by not seeming suspicious he won’t come here. Just keep adding people we need to go to bed soon I don’t want to miss a second in school tomorrow.” Zitao said and sat on the bed.

 

“Don’t forget not to invite Jun. How many have we added?” He asked, sneaking a glance on the computer. “Three-hundred-twenty-eight. We’re not over doing this are we?”

 

“No, it’s just a joke.” Zitao said and grinned.

 

* * *

 

 

“Shit.” Jongdae breathed as Junmyeon changed his shirt and the brunet turned to him with a confused expression. “I gave you a hickey.”

 

“What?” His hand went up to his throat to where Jongdae had kissed him yesterday and felt with his fingers before rushing off to the mirror in the corner of his room. “Oh my god.” He murmured as he looked at the purple bruise on the base of his throat, right above his left collarbone.

 

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to give you a hickey, do you own any turtlenecks?” The other went into a panic state as he took his phone and searched for “ways to get rid of a hickey” but apparently leaving it alone was the best method. Whining he stood up and walked to look at the mark. It wasn’t big; maybe the size of a bulky 50-cent coin but it was very much visible. With the slight slip of a shirt and it’d be out there.

 

“It’s okay, I got a concealer and my mom has some makeup in the bathroom.” He assured the other with a smile. “Get ready and I’ll try cover this up. And I do own turtlenecks just to be sure.” Hurrying to the bathroom he locked the door and started with his little morning routine before opening the drawer under the sink and took out the concealer and dabbed it over the marked skin.

 

It wasn’t the best, but most of it was covered. Good thing it was still a little chilly and he could wear a scarf if he wanted. Nodding at himself Junmyeon walked out and entered his room to a fully dressed Jongdae who looked so guilty sitting on the chair at his desk, hands clasped together and head hung.

 

“Don’t look like that, it isn’t _that_ bad Chen.” Junmyeon said and patted his shoulder. “Go and do your thing on the toilet and I’ll get dressed, then we can eat breakfast.” With a nod he stood up and walked to the bathroom.

 

Thankfully things didn’t seem weird after yesterday’s activities except that the hickey was a surprise and a bit of a bother that he’d have to hide until it faded. According to Google it could take a few days up to two weeks for it to completely disappear. But he pulled on a turtleneck sweater and dressed for the day.

 

Breakfast was consumed in a hurry and they ran out not to miss the buss and met with Amber who was seated in the very back. “Did you finish the project or did you stay up talking about boys all night?” She asked and giggled, making place for Jongdae to sit next to her, setting her backpack on the floor instead.

 

“We finished it so we can relax for the rest of the week until we have to hand it in.” Junmyeon said proudly and pulled his backpack to his chest and grinned. “Nice, Nelly has been sick so we can’t even work on ours.”

 

“Oh, is she that bad?” Amber shook her head. “Nah, she did something when playing soccer last week and she did some surgery on her knee I think so she’s resting.”

 

“I see, tell her to get well from me if you get the chance.”

 

“Of course Jun! She’ll be happy.” The rest of the buss ride was filled with mindless chatter and Jongdae who looked at his phone. When they got off at the school building Amber noticed how a group of girls whispered and looked from them to each other and then back at the trio that walked up to the entry.

 

“What’s their problem..” She mumbled and sent off a annoyed glare which made them shy back a little, but they whispered about something that made her feel uneasy even if she couldn’t hear what was said between them.

 

They walked through the main door and it was eerily quiet in the corridor but it was filled with people. Junmyeon felt uneasy and the way some people looked at him made him wants to turn back and leave. Some looked at him in disgust and a few even looked at him as if…as if he was a piece of meat, a wounded lamb in a forest full of wolves.

 

Turning around to face Jongdae he shifted a little closer and the other seemed to notice as well as they slowly made their way towards their lockers. “Hey Jun, you selling or what?” A junior stepped in front of them, blocking their way.

 

“I’m sorry what?” A group of boys snickered behind him and a group of girls sent a pitying look before making their way from the scene and Jongdae watched.

 

“Those pictures sure looked like you were displaying yourself. Whore.” Numerous gasps sounded around the room and Jongdae walked in front of Junmyeon who stared at the boy with large eyes and Amber gaped at him angrily, about to step in before the other was able to.

 

“What the fuck did you just say to him? Huh? Damien.” The boy hissed at the junior football player who scoffed and sneered at Jongdae. “Tell me you haven’t seen what a complete slut he is. Honestly, I’m pretty sure all of you’ve had a go with him.”

 

Something snapped and before anyone could react Jongdae has punched the boy in the jaw and everyone gasped, some in fear as the dark haired boy glared at the elder with distaste. “I dare you to say it again Damien, I’ll make sure you won’t make it to the fucking last game of the season and you’ll have to watch from the side lines in a wheelchair.”

 

Damien spit some blood on the ground and glared at the shorter but just sent a glare at Junmyeon who stood behind them in shock, Amber shielding him with an arm. Suddenly a flurry of red hair broke through the mass of students piling up the corridor.

 

Chanyeol wrapped himself around Junmyeon and pulled him and amber in the other dissection as Damien and Jongdae continued their staring contest until the elder clicked his tongue and turned around to his group of friends, wiping his bleeding lip as they left and students started to leave. He followed the others and entered the boy’s bathroom.

 

When entering Sehun and Kyungsoo were there as well. They all seemed very upset and worried and something told him it had to do with how all the students were acting today. Chanyeol war rubbing his face and Junmyeon was clutching onto his sweater, hugging himself as Kyungsoo caressed his arm gently, letting the other lean his head against his shoulder. Junmyeon sniffled quietly; the words had hurt him deeply.

 

“This is a mess.” Chanyeol muttered, suddenly taking a very serious part instead of his usual happy virus vibe. “Hasn’t any of you checked your notifications on facebook recently? Because yesterday everyone in the school was invited to a group consisting only of two pictures of Jun.”

 

“What?” Amber muttered and took her phone out to check and Jongdae as well. When seeing what they were talking about the girl brought a hand to her mouth and lowered her phone. “Oh my god..”

 

Jongdae turned to kick one of the stalls, making Junmyeon flinch and press closer to Kyungsoo who wrapped his arms around him fully and caressed his arm, Sehun too reached out to comfort him. “I don’t want to show you Jun but I’m pretty sure you know what kind of pictures they are. Since it seems you took them.”

 

Junmyeon stood completely still, afraid of it being the pictures he thought it was. But what else could it be? And if he told them the truth, would they hate him? Treat him like the others did? His hands started to tremble and he started to sob, clinging to Kyungsoo who hushed him gently and rubbed his back, brows drawn together in concern.

 

They all waited for him to calm down a little and Chanyeol was pacing back and forth only to be told by Sehun to calm down and he instead leaned against the sinks, tapping his feet. “We’re not blaming you for this Junmyeon, if that’s what you think. We’re blaming who ever did this. Okay? We won’t judge you. I’m not mad at you.” The redhead eventually said and Junmyeon eased up a little, turning to look at the other with his tear filled eyes and the other sighed.

 

“Could you tell us why you took them? Did you send them to someone?” The boy nodded timidly and took a shaky inhale. To Chanyeol this reminded him too much of the time he rushed to his house when he got a panic attack. He wondered how much the poor boy had been through and how much more he had to go through.

 

“I–I…was talking to Liam. On the football team.” He started and wiped his cheeks with his sleeves but was soon replaced by Kyungsoo’s thumbs wiping his tear streaked face. “He–he asked me to send them on messenger…after I–I did, he didn’t reply…” Junmyeon mumbled and curled in on himself.

 

“Jun, Liam doesn’t have a facebook…” Jongdae said and the boy looked up, eyes desperate. “B-but… I –“

 

“Jun I don’t think you sent the photos to Liam… Can I look?” Hesitating for a moment he then reached into his pocket and opened the messaging app for him and lowered his gaze again as Jongdae checked the latest messages then the profile itself.

 

“It’s not him. It’s all photos from his instagram though. But like I said he doesn’t have a facebook so it has to be someone else. Probably someone in this school because this intention has to be something against you. But…I don’t think anyone has a grudge against you.”

 

“What ever asshole did this we’ll find out who okay, Jun? We’ll be here for you.” Sehun said and Suddenly Seulgi stormed into the bathroom and all of them jumped as the door slammed against the wall and the girl ran up to the younger boy, throwing her arms around both Junmyeon and Kyungsoo.

 

“Oh my God Jun! I’m so sorry! I saw… Baby.. are you okay?” The brunet shook his head timidly and Seulgi looked at him sadly before his face twisted up and he let out a dry sob.

 

They all stayed there for the first period, Jongdae scaring students to another toilet whenever someone tried to enter and they all consoled the boy who was hadn’t spoke a word. Chanyeol and Kyungsoo tried to figure out who it may have been but they didn’t have any leads more than that the profile was fake and the same Liam account had made the group with the pictures.

 

Junmyeon couldn’t see them since it was a private group and he wasn’t invited and they refused to show him what people had written in the comments, but the group was reported and they hoped it would be taken down. But who knows how many who saved the pictures or thought of doing something more to them.

 

All they could do now was in a group go and get lunch, letting Junmyeon leave with Jongdae to the grass in front of school so he wouldn’t have to go to the cafeteria and he felt safe with Jongdae since he’d punched that boy this morning and he kept his head hung low as they walked out to sit in the cool grass. Good thing it was getting warmer and the sun was out. But he still shivered, mostly from the crying however.

 

His face was blotchy and eyes puffy and red. Jongdae wished he could do more but he couldn’t turn back time and Junmyeon told them about his crush on Liam and he’d mentioned talking to him a few times, but he thought nothing of it at the time and simply thought it was nice, a little odd maybe.

 

Junmyeon seemed devastated and completely shell shocked. All he could do was regret what he’d done and contemplate if it was wise to tell his mother or not. They were close and he told her everything, but maybe it’d be good if he kept this to himself. But he didn’t want to be in school and if he stayed at home the school would send her a notice and she’d ask why he was home and he’d have to tell her.

 

But he didn’t want to tell her so he chose to keep it a secret. She didn’t need more pain in her life caused by him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Yifan slammed Zitao against the lockers and the blond let out a grunt in pain as his back made hard contact with the hard metal of the changing room lockers. “How fucking could you?” The boy yelled, gritting his teeth and tightening his grip of his shirt.

 

“What..” Zitao hissed back, pushing the brunet’s chest but didn’t manage to get him off of him. “I know it was you who fucking put those pictures up! Yixing told me about the fake profile! He told me how you fucking catfished him!”

 

“So!? Why do you have to be all about him! You don’t even hang out with us anymore!” After another push the blond managed to push him off, making Yifan stumble a few steps back.

 

“Why does it matter!? I like him! Why can’t you accept that I like someone?” Yifan clenched his fists, trembling in anger.

 

Yixing had told him this morning when he came to school. That Zitao had been talking to Junmyeon through a fake profile for a month now and that he talked him into sending those pictures. He didn’t know the intention, well, he didn’t understand why and he wasn’t sure Zitao knew either. Maybe he just wanted attention and to stir things up. It had been calm around here for a while after all. Yifan had asked Zitao to meet him in the boys changing room and god was he mad. He saw red and he wanted to know why he’d do it.

 

“You wanna know why?” Zitao growled dangerously, glaring at his best friends.

 

Yifan wanted to say he loved Junmyeon, but they had barley had any real conversation and hadn’t been hanging out more thank quick chats at the lockers in school. But damn did he feel strongly for him, it was more than a crush and he wanted to work on it. Hopefully the other would feel the same.

 

“Because it’s disgusting. I never thought you were a fucking fag. I’m trying to make sure that he doesn’t want to be close to you because when I tell him it’s me who did this, or when he finds out, he’ll automatically think you had a hand in this as well. Even better maybe he’ll change school.”

 

Yifan snapped and lifted his fist to punch Zitao in the face, his head snapping to the side and he grunted in pain, clutching his now bleeding nose and whined in pain. “Fuck you Tao, to even think that I slept in your house last night makes me sick. You’re a really bad person! You’ve probably ruined Jun’s life and you don’t even care!” The blond was quick to lift his leg up and kick Yifan in the shoulder, making him crash into the wall with a thud and he glared at his best friend.

 

“I’m doing you a favor!” Yifan punched the other in the gut. “How?! How is this helping me?!” Yifan yelled and Zitao punched him in the jaw. Pain shoot up and he tasted metal, wiping his bottom lip he saw the small streak of blood on his hand and for a moment they stared silently at each other until Yifan walked to the door.

 

“Don’t talk to me again. We’re not friends anymore. I don’t want to be around a ass like you, come back when you’ve grown up.” After slamming the door shut Zitao wiped his nose and punched one of the lockers, making his knuckles split open and the metal to bend inwards. This was the opposite of what he wanted. He never should have told Yixing.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Junmyeon didn’t go to any classes that week. He’d also successfully avoided his mother this far and had convinced her he had a small fever and she let him stay home, thankfully. Amber told him that the group was taken down and most people weren’t talking about it anymore so he felt a little better going to school.

 

He planned on taking the same buss as Jongdae, Kyungsoo, Jongin and Amber so he’d only be alone for a few stations. When getting on the bus some people from school glanced at him some snickered and some looked sad. Passing them all he sat in the very back and felt his heart rate go up and hands shaking. Sitting down he curled into him and looked out the window.

 

It hadn’t blown over. The second he entered the school building people were throwing looks and names after him. Kyungsoo followed him to their class and they tried their best at a conversation to keep Junmyeon’s mind of other things. It was working somewhat and they stayed of the topic of the words “cock slut” written in capital letters with a black marker on his light green flaky locker. Chanyeol said he’d get some paint from the art classroom and paint it over.

 

Once class started it was easier to relax since everyone were focused on their work. But Lunch had to be spent inside since it was raining that day and Junmyeon felt his legs shake as he clutched onto his backpack and walked close to Kyungsoo as they headed down to the cafeteria. The people inside were yelling and laughing loudly and he thought that maybe they wouldn’t notice him if he walked in.

 

But he was wrong once more as the entire cafeteria quieted down and people turned to look at him. He stopped in his steps for a moment but Kyungsoo pulled him towards the line to get his food. “Faggot!” Someone yelled over the near silent room and people started laughing and people from the football team started calling out.

 

“Go back to sucking dick you slut!” Kyungsoo saw the tears brimming the other’s eyes and he quickly paid for his lunch and made his way to their usual table where Sehun and Chanyeol. The redhead looked ready to blow up the whole cafeteria. Junmyeon sat down quietly between the taller boys with Kyungsoo’s direction and he packed up his lunch, but he wasn’t all that hungry.

 

From here he could see the football table in the corner of his eyes and neither Yixing nor Yifan sat with them like they usually did, actually they were nowhere in the cafeteria. Minseok was at another table and talked to the cheerleaders, Luhan looked at the latter with something he read as sadness and Zitao simply stared at him with narrowed eyes. Swallowing he looked down on the table.

 

Yifan had texted him this week, asking if he was alright but he didn’t have the energy to answer and he’d thought about what if maybe he was behind all this. However the other seemed to want to talk in person and accepting that scared him so he’d left him on read, hating him afterwards for being rude.

 

Soon Jongin joined them and sat next to Kyungsoo. He’d brought some home made cookies for Junmyeon and he smiled at the younger, thanking him and the boy smiled back so brightly that for a second he forgot about the burning eyes in the back of his neck and he slowly ate his lunch. Jongdae was talking to Taeyeon about something at the cheerleader’s table and sometimes threw glances at him and the girl looked really concerned.

 

Eventually lunch was over and Jongdae walked with Junmyeon to their PE class with slow steps. The hickey had faded to a yellow and purple color and was barley noticeable. Bit he still wore higher collared shirts. When walking into the changing rooms all boys looked at them in disgust but held back some of the nastiest words since Jongdae were there.

 

“I don’t know about you but I rather not share changing room with a fag.” A boy said and Jongdae shot him a glare as they began to change, Junmyeon staring into his locker as he took his shirt off.

 

“What’s that on your neck Jun? A hickey?” His eyes widened and head snapped to the side to lock eyes with Byun Baekhyun, the boyfriend of the head cheerleader and the pretty rich boy. Junmyeon reached up to cover up the mark and suddenly his back was pushed against the locker and a rough hand was ripping his away.

 

“What a fucking man whore! It is a goddamn hickey. Who’s dick did you take up your sissy ass?” It all happened so quickly, the boy gripping his wrist so hard he thought it might break and then Jongdae throwing himself at him, repeatedly punching him in the stomach. Junmyeon could only stare. “Back off you filth!” His friend spit out and two more boys approached to pull Jongdae away from the wheezing boy and he let them pull him back.

 

“Take this as a fucking warning! Next time you won’t walk away alive.” The boy coughed and curled in on himself. Junmyeon was trembling as the other helped him put his shirt on and then entered the sports hall.

 

“Is your wrist okay?” The raven murmured and gently held the angry red wrist in his hand. “This might bruise.. Jun, I’m so so sorry about the hickey. If I had controlled myself before this wouldn’t happen.”

 

“It’s okay Chen. It could be worse.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Yifan and Yixing didn’t talk to anyone anymore except for Minseok. Luhan was devastated and felt so guilty he’d cried to the other football player and told him how much he regretted being in on this but Minseok still had a frown on his lips and a disappointed look in his eyes. He’d thought better of the boy and suddenly his feelings felt bothersome.

 

Junmyeon hadn’t replied to any of his texts and he was getting anxious. All he wanted to do was maybe explain what Zitao had done and why he did it and doing it over text felt useless. But according to Minseok the brunet had PE now and he ended up waiting outside the locking rooms for him.

 

A lot of people had walked past and he began to think that maybe he’d missed him and just as he was about to stand up and leave Junmyeon walked out with Jongdae and he shot up, taking a few steps towards them. “Hey.” He said awkwardly and the two boys stopped and Jongdae huffed.

 

“What the hell do you want? Don’t think I can’t beat you into the ground just because I’m shorter than you.” Yifan’s eyes widened and he held his hands up, shaking his head. “Oh no no! I know you’d take me down in a second. I’m not here for a fight though. I just wanted to reach out to Jun since he wasn’t answering his texts last week and I got kind of worried…”

 

Trailing of a little Jongdae’s facial expression softened and his stance became more relaxed as he looked at the taller mindlessly pushing his dark blond hair back but the bangs fell back over his forehead. “I wanted to talk about what happened because I don’t want you to think it’s me..and I do have an explanation to what happened. I just wanted to know if you’d let me talk to you about it? You can bring Chen along if you want. You can bring everyone if you want.”

 

“Okay. Can you meet after school tomorrow? You me and Chanyeol have art and we can go somewhere after that and talk?” Junmyeon suggested, reaching to nervously hold onto Jongdae’s hand. “I’m sorry I didn’t reply… It was all so much.”

 

“You don’t have to explain yourself, I completely get it that you didn’t answer! I was just a little scared you were ignoring me or something.” Yifan smiled a little and Junmyeon nodded, smiling back politely. “Not on purpose at least. Well, a little on purpose but I won’t ignore them anymore in the future.”

 

“Cool.” All Jongdae could do was stare as the two with interest as they exchanged sweet small talk and smiles. Then it was settled and they waved at each other as they parted ways. Tomorrow couldn’t come quick enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for being understanding about my situation and things are better now, the funeral is taking place next week and I'll attend. The chapter feels a little off but I wanted to post it either way and I hope its readable. 
> 
> As always thank you for feedback and kudos! <3 I'll try go back to updating to normal now again when things have eased up a bit and most school assignments are turned in. Also wowowow! what did y'all think about the chapter? I tried to get as much story into it as possible and it feels a little rushed but I hope you enjoyed all these little twists.
> 
> Thanks for reading and hope y'all having a great time in your life!
> 
>  
> 
> The outfits for this chapter:
> 
> Junmyeon(johnnys sweater(after the hickey)):   
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909417353/  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909417309/  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/357121445434354408/
> 
> Chanyeol:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/Aa25yPJB5JsBgkFwKoxprqLnnk-7SuGknBfrEh2h0W2KjgmtxNkUaI4/  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/392446555010878002/  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/474989091935777936/
> 
> Sehun:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909417269/
> 
> Jongdae:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909338405/  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/499758889876992160/
> 
> Zitao:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909385917/  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909385834/
> 
> Luhan:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909338363/
> 
> Baekhyun:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909338509/
> 
> Yifan:
> 
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909357695/  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/347269821247259637/  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/342625484130022421/
> 
> Amber:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909338153/  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909338080/
> 
> Seulgi:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909338032/
> 
> Yixing:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/425519864769973280/  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/569986896571736875/
> 
> Jongin:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/AXH2Cwq5uBZx8uTYyPrz98z08ASNll_uqdoXlI2BfkbF3qjgv5ogyYA/
> 
> Kyungsoo:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/383931936967938438/  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/422845852496775759/
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Playlist for this chapter:
> 
> Mörkt (Dark) - Veronica Maggio
> 
> Everything Has Changed - Taylor Swift ft. Edd Sheeran
> 
> Human - Christina Perri
> 
> Lost Boy - Ruth B
> 
> 7 Years -Lukas Graham
> 
>  
> 
> 11:11' - Taeyeon
> 
> What If - exo
> 
> Cleansing Cream - Brown Eyed Girls
> 
> Overcome -Nu'est
> 
> Go Away - 2ne1


	5. crash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> !!spoilers in A/N!!

Chanyeol, Yifan and Junmyeon walked in silence to a café close to their school to have their talk. It was rather large and it great if you wanted to have a little privacy, plus it was cheap so they could have something little. They found a secluded little corner after buying something. Chanyeol got a hot chocolate and a large cookie while Junmyeon got some green tea and a simple sponge cake, Yifan got water.

 

The air between them was tense and it was noticeable that Chanyeol was weary and insisted on sitting next to him and he noticed just how nervous Junmyeon was to hear what the other had to say. He’d been distant the whole day and fidgeting with his sweater.

 

Licking over his dry lips nervously Yifan shifted in his seat from across the two and glanced to the side then down on the table. “So I guess I just have to start with confessing something. It’s kind of embarrassing… but I really like you.”

 

Nervously biting his lip Yifan glanced at Junmyeon who blushed and he sipped his water, hoping he wasn’t red in the face like the other boy. “Oh..okay.” The brunet said simply, nodding to encourage the other to continue.

 

“Tao, my best friend. Well, I’m not sure we’re friends now…” Trailing off his brows drawn together in the bitterness of lost friendship. “Well, he’s not the best person, I bet Yeol has told you. They have to have told you about the shit he’s done to them.” They both nodded.

 

“They told me a few weeks in I think? Told me about Lu and Tao being really nasty towards my group.” Yifan smiled bitterly and nodded. “Sorry I didn’t do anything to stop it.” He looked at Chanyeol who shook his head. “It’s fine, you’re proving yourself not to be a dick right now by doing this.”

 

“Okay, well.. we’ve hung out since we were kids and we’ve been through a lot together. And I just didn’t want to stop because he was an ass. But in the pat year we’ve been fighting a lot and it became so much worse when you came along and I started crushing on you. He obviously doesn’t like gays… I thought he’d at least accept that his best friend liked boys, well, one boy. I have never had a crush on a boy before. But he was really upset.”

 

Junmyeon was leaning over the table slightly, sipping his tea and occasionally eating his sponge cake. His elbows rested on the wooden table and Chanyeol leaned back against the soft back of the chair, listening intently, sometimes stealing glances of Junmyeon to see his reactions. “He kept calling me things and we had a lot of fights… Lay told me this morning about what Tao and Lu had done the past months and I’m still so… so angry.”

 

“They have been talking to you as Liam the past months, well at least Tao, he’s told Lu about it and he helped setting up that group. Lay asked him to stop several times but he didn’t listen. Tao is really fucking stupid; he doesn’t understand these things I guess. He just doesn’t understand how much what he’s doing is affecting other people. It’s a kind of a coping mechanism and a way to protect himself. He’s been through some shit.”

 

“What kind of things?” Junmyeon asked, pushing his cake towards Yifan, “Take some, I’m full.” Taking the cake he just shook his head. “Not my story to tell, sorry. We may hate each other right now but I won’t tell others about his things.”

 

“It’s fine, I understand. So… Tao did all this? Why?”

 

“He thought I was spending way too much time trying to get to know you and talking to you so he got jealous according to Lay and we knew about your crush on Liam, you weren’t exactly subtle sitting there watching their practice. A guy on the team noticed and Lu told us. Tao got this idea and… suddenly he was catfishing you as Liam to keep you away from me.”

 

Letting out a sigh he leaned back, finishing up the cake and tapped his foot against the floor. “And when that didn’t help he took it way, waaay far, asking you for those pictures. He thought if he made everyone in school see them you’d want to change school or think it was me so you’d not be around and we could hang out like we used to.”

 

The redhead’s mouth was open in shock over the whole thing. Zitao was only a child still and he could do this! Junmyeon was sniffling quietly and Chanyeol moved to caress his shoulder for support. He wiped his eyes with the sleeves, biting into his quivering bottom lip.

 

Chanyeol sipped his chocolate, rubbing Junmyeon’s shoulder as he held the cup of tea silently for a moment, taking all the information in and letting himself calm down a little. “So he did this because I’m gay? And…you like me?” Thinking it through Yifan eventually nodded. “Basically, yes. I’m sorry it had to happen to you.”

 

Junmyeon managed to smile through his tears and nodded, bowing his head at the other out of habit and Yifan nodded at him. “I’m glad you told me.” He dry sobbed and wiped his eyes again. “Now we know at least who did it..” Turning to Chanyeol the other nodded and bit into his cookie.

 

“God I’m so mad..” Junmyeon patted the others shoulder, he’d calmed down a little and he was able to talk more clearly now. “I’m going to fuck him up so badly he –“

 

“Yeol! Don’t do that it’ll get even worse if you strike back!” Junmyeon said, panic in his eyes and the giant quieted down. Remembering what Junmyeon had told him about his father abusing him and when he tried to fight back he’d get an even worse treatment and once a broken wrist.

 

They seemed to have a whole conversation just looking at each other and when Junmyeon turned away Yifan looked at them in question. It was getting warm in the café and he pulled his sleeves up, letting out a sigh.

 

Yifan noticed the bruised wrist and frowned. “What happened?” He pointed at the purple skin and Junmyeon lifted his wrist.

 

“A boy from the football team grabbed me and called me some things..” Both boys cringed at the act and Yifan bit his lip.

 

“I’m sorry I did this to you..”

 

“What do you mean? A boy on the football team did..” Chanyeol said, holding the cup to his chin. “I know I just…if I didn’t like you this wouldn’t have happened and your life would be calmer. You wouldn’t have that bruise and you wouldn’t have to be afraid to go to school. I’m sorry.”

 

“No. No no Kris, don’t worry!” Junmyeon raised both his hands and reached over to place them over Yifan’s. “It’s not your fault, you couldn’t help it. It’s all Tao. I–we’re so happy you came up to tell us. It’s a relief. Really… I’ll survive, I’ve honestly had worse.”

 

That made the other frown, brows drawn together in concern. But feeling Junmyeon’s small cool hands on his large rough warm ones made his heart skip. After a few moments of silence he said “Okay..” and they talked some more about Junmyeon, what had happened the last week and Yifan told them about Zitao and Luhan. Mostly Zitao and more about of what he’d done.

 

Eventually Chanyeol had to leave, saying his goodbyes and asked if he was fine being alone with Yifan. Junmyeon nodded and hugged him goodbye. That left Yifan and him alone. For a while they were quiet and the brunet fiddled with the sleeves, pulling them back down over his hands even if it was hot. “I really like your hair. You bleached it? The blond color looks so…natural. Sehun’s is a little too bright yellow.”

 

“Oh, thank you. Baek helped me fix it. I said I wanted a bit brighter but he said a dirty blond would fit my skin tone the best and I’m glad I trusted him with it.” Yifan brushed his hand through the bangs and grinned, showing off his gums and Junmyeon giggled quietly.

 

“He was right, I think it’d look too harsh… After all you already got a rather sharp look to you. No offence because I like it, it’s you–“ Junmyeon blushed at what he said, stuttering a bit before continuing. “And– I’ve always wanted to try blond hair but I don’t think I’d fit that well.”

 

“I bet you’d look good in it, but I really like your brown hair as well. It…it won’t be awkward now that you know I’m crushing on you right? We–I can go if you want. I’ve told you what I wanted so..”

 

“No, I mean.. I’d like to get to know you more, Yixing too if he’s up for it. If you don’t hang around the others you can hang with us? I don’t mind at all having you around. And…it won’t get weird unless we make it weird. Right?” Junmyeon smiled, using Jongdae’s words and this couldn’t be more extreme than that.

 

Yifan smiled. “You’re too kind Jun, you really are. Please don’t let Tao get to you, don’t let him destroy your life because of a silly, dumb prank. You’re strong, I don’t really know you but the way you handle things, it’s cool. You seem so grown up, almost like a mom.” Junmyeon grinned widely and laughed.

 

“Thank you, I won’t. I don’t want it to stop me. I have good friends and honest people around me. Thank you Kris, really.” They talked for a while more before the brunet started getting tired and decided making their way home. Saying their goodbyes Junmyeon made the taller promise he and Yixing would eat lunch with them.

 

Yifan walked away with a smile and ignored the screaming of his dad as he locked himself into his room. Nothing could ruin his mood right now, not with the thought of how he made Junmyeon smile so many times that day and hopefully he’d see more of that.

 

That night Junmyeon cried himself to sleep for the maybe thousandth time in his life, hugging the two bunny plushies to his chest and soaking the soft fuzzy fabric with his salty tears. He was happy he knew why it had been done, but he still didn’t fully understand why nothing good ever seemed to happen him.

 

If anything good happened him, something bad came crashing over him at triple the force. When he found Kibum and Minho at school his father started verbally abusing him, making him doubt in himself and thinking vile things about himself.

 

When he got an A on his English exam his father hit him for the first time.

 

When his mother brought him to Korea for the summer to visit family and see the country when he was thirteen, when he came back home his father beat him until his whole chest was bruised, later Jisoo saw the same marks when going swimming.

 

When he got his first kiss from a boy named Jeong-su on his second visit to Korea his grandmother died.

 

When he found new friends in school his dirty pictures were released and the whole school.

 

His right hand was clutching onto his bruised wrist and face turned into the pillow to muffle his sobs. A soft knock on his door made him sniffle and he pressed his lips together tightly, whimpering. “Baby.. are you alright?”

 

Pulling the sleeves over his hands he shook his head and Yu-bin walked in sitting on the edge of the bed and ran his fingers through her son’s hair. “Come here…” She coaxed Junmyeon to sit and she wrapped her arms around his quivering body, rubbing his back in large circles. “What’s wrong..?”

 

“Can’t we move to Korea?” He managed to choke out between sobs, clinging to his mother. “It was.. No one knows there. I just want to start over…” Yu-bin hushed him and kissed his forehead, sadly looking at the young boy’s tear stained face.

 

“We can’t move to Korea honey, I’m sorry. Not now. Our family is here now and we’re taking care of each other. Your father can’t hurt you now; he can’t find you I promise. We blocked his number right? He can’t terrorize you or me honey. I love you and I won’t let anything happen to you anymore baby.” They slept on his bed together that night until his mother had to leave for her night to morning shift, leaving a note telling him to take it easy today and left a few dollars for him to buy something sweet after school. Junmyeon was left clutching onto his plushies, curled up in fetal position.

 

 

* * *

 

 

For a week Yifan and Yixing hung around with them and everyone seemed to be okay with it even if Jongin was too scared to actually look Yifan in the eyes or talk to him, and would cling to Kyungsoo more than usual, not letting go of his hand at lunch even if it was difficult eating with just one hand.

 

Amber realized she and Yifan had a lot in common, they both liked rap music and basketball so they bonded the second that the girl noticed he listened to one of her favorite rappers and it was almost instant friendship and they shared new artists with each other and planned on seeing the next basket game together on TV. Sehun and Chanyeol talked with both a little and so did Kyungsoo.

 

Yixing liked that it was such a calm atmosphere around them and that no one was picking fights with anyone or yelled. Junmyeon found himself drawn to the boy with soft black hair and dimples, he was really caring and he wondered what he’d even done hanging around those assholes.

 

“I’ve been friends with Tao since I moved here, we’re almost neighbors. I’m closer to Xiumin though. But I guess I just felt secure with the friends I had and was too afraid of being laughed at by others. My English isn’t the best.” Yixing explained when Junmyeon asked and he nodded. “My family moved here from China when I was around ten so I knew limited English. I was lucky to find Tao, Lu and Kris since they can speak it. Xiumin is teaching me a little Korean.”

 

“Oh? That’s interesting.” The brunet nodded. “My mother taught me while I was growing up so I have a bit of a dialect.” Yixing seemed to think of it then nodded.

 

“I guess you do, it’s cute though. Your voice is very soft; it’s pleasant to listen to. But don’t tell Kris I said that because he’ll get jealous.” They continued to small talk until they had to go back to class and they parted ways.

 

People kept on throwing nasty comments at Junmyeon but no one had tried attacking him physically, probably because people were afraid of Yifan as well as Jongdae. The students had seen Yifan break another’s boys nose and no one wanted to have and reenactment of that. Plus, he was tall and simply just scary for those who didn’t know he was a dork loaded with bad jokes and tripped over nothing.

 

It was Friday and they had decided to hang out after school and the two Chinese boys were invited as well and they happily followed them to the mall, Amber and Sehun decided to treat everyone with bubble tea, something that the blond loved more than anything when it came to food.

 

Junmyeon tried not to think too much of the fact that Yifan liked him since he was a little scared of showing more emotions in case this sort of thing would happen again like it did with Liam, but Yifan seemed so nice and approachable.

 

But the taller seemed to give him a little more space and wouldn’t try to sit next to him after his confession, not even talking to him for too long and the brunet thought it was nice that he showed him respect and let him take it all in. Or maybe he was just a little shy about it. This way was probably not the way he wanted to tell Junmyeon he liked him.

 

“We’re going to the arcade this weekend, well, me Hun and Chen are. Kai and Soo are going to watch a movie. Seulgi is hanging with her girlfriend this whole weekend.” Amber said around the tapioca beads, biting down on them and sipping more of the lychee milk tea with a smile. “You guys coming with?”

 

“I can’t I’m sorry, I’m going to help Xiumin with a thing.” Yixing smiled sadly and bowed his head. “But thank you for inviting me at least, you should go though Kris. He loves arcades.”

 

“I do, what time should we meet there?” Amber set a time for them to meet at the entrance at opening time, eleven am and eat lunch there as well.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The arcade was buzzing with machines and a few kids that were as early as them were chatting as they put money in the token machine. Junmyeon was early and walked inside to hide from the sun since his eyes had started to hurt from the strong light and saw Yifan sitting in the booth closest to the door and he walked to sit next to him with a smile.

 

“Good morning, how are you?” He smiled widely as he made the other jump a little at the sudden greeting. “Oh, Morning Jun. I’m okay I suppose, you?” Yifan moved to give Junmyeon more space but the shorter simply followed, then turning to look back at the door.

 

“I’m okay, mixed up the time so I thought I was late at first. I haven’t been here before but they said they’d bring me once it gets warmer. You liked the arcade right?”

 

“Yeah, I like to spend time here, but I rarely play nowadays. I’m saving my money to get an apartment, or go to collage. So I won’t play today.”

 

“My mom gave me more than enough money, we could share. It’d be boring to just hang around watching us play won’t it? So you can have some of my tokens and maybe teach me some easy games? I’ve never played in an arcade before. I just know things from what I’ve seen in movies.”

 

The corner of Yifan’s lips turned up into a small smile and he nodded in agreement. “Promise me you’ll teach me to play Kris.”

 

“I promise I promise! There are some two-player games as well, like dance off and when you dunk a large hammer on electronic moles. Then I won’t feel as bad for using your money to play.” Junmyeon nodded, smiling at the other then digging into his pocket for all the change his mother didn’t want.

 

“Should we exchange them for tokens? The others are yet to come so we could head start.” Shuffling off the faux red leather seats he waited for Yifan to follow him. They made their way to the machine and Junmyeon started dumping coins in groups. Suddenly tokens started to scramble out of the machine and onto the floor and Yifan swore.

 

“We forgot a bucket!” Looking around Yifan jogged up to the prize booth and Junmyeon kneeled down to catch the tokens with his sweater, looking at the other who got a medium sized bucket and he jogged back, pushing it in under the hole then helped Junmyeon scoop the red dirty coins.

 

“Nice save.” They laughed at their silliness when the other three came in, waving at them and Jongdae patted Yifan’s shoulder when they came close. Junmyeon saved some coins for food later and the two walked off to start some games while the others got their own buckets to fill.

 

“Are there any nice prizes to win here?” He pushed a token into a flipper game and Yifan did the same, standing next to each other as the small ball fell down and they started pressing the buttons to prevent the ball from falling into the ‘goal’.

 

Yifan shrugged. “Not really, they got some really cool stuff on the reeeeally high levels but you need like, hundred thousand tickets for them I swear to god.” The brunet giggled and pressed the button.

 

“Aren’t you exaggerating? It can’t be that many tickets.” Letting out a small whine he watched the ball go into the hole and a few tickets were fed out from the side. He took them and held them in his hand as he walked up to watch the other. “Well, yeah, I am. But it’s way too much. They have a really shitty hoodie that’s been here since 2004 and a laser sword–“

 

“A laser sword?!” Junmyeon shrieked, making Yifan loose. “Oh– sorry that was too much. Sorry I really like star wars.” Waving it off Yifan took the tickets and folded them, telling the other to do it as well and they stuffed them into the side of the bucket.

 

“That’s cool, didn’t a new movie just come out or something?” Junmyeon nodded and Yifan led them to a game he was really good at and the brunet watched in awe. “We could try winning it, but I’m not sure we’ll get enough tickets. But they might have something more star wars.”

 

After a few minutes of watching Yifan play he lost and with a slightly frustrated grunt he watched as the tickets push out and he folded them together to shove them into the bucket and he decided to find an easy game for Junmyeon. The blond had promised to teach him to play some games and he would he was looking for one with spaceships but a few kids were playing it and Junmyeon was drawn to a pink glowing one with a bunny and Yifan just smiled.

 

The shorter really was adorable. “Okay let me talk you through it.” He said, standing behind the other, his chest basically pressing up against his back as he leaned over him slightly, moving his hands to the buttons and helping him out until he got the hang of it and Yifan leaned back a bit, resting his hands on the edges of the game as Junmyeon played.

 

“Hey there! You two just ran off when we came.” Jongdae said and picked a game on the other side, Sehun was standing at the edge caught up in a game. “We were planning on eating in like thirty minutes or something, so we’ll meet at the café.”

 

“Sounds good. How’s it going? Getting any tickets?” Jongdae shrugged, moving the joystick back and forth. “Enough for some crappy candy or a ugly bracelet. You?”

 

“Jun wants a laser sword but if not we’ll see what they got.” A whine and a stomp from the shorter notified Yifan that he’d lost and he moved his arms back to let him collect his tickets. “Ambitious! Good luck with it then!”

 

Yifan and Junmyeon decided to play a two player dance game until they had to leave for lunch and what had started at shy harmless giggly dancing turned into a intense dance off and Yifan childishly pushed the brunet when he was ahead only to have the boy shriek and slap his arm away, sending him a quick glare and shouting, “no cheating!”

 

They were both slightly sweaty, hairs sticking to their foreheads and Yifan wiped the back of his neck before wiping his hand on his shirt with a disgusted look on his face then turned to Junmyeon as they walked to the café. “I didn’t believe you would be so into it! You completely demolished me!”

 

Junmyeon laughed, panting a little, catching his breath then grinning widely up at the other. “I can’t really dance, I just have good coordination and reaction with speed. Too bad that game didn’t give tickets, I got a pretty high score.”

 

“Still, that was amazing. After this let’s find some fun games so you can get that laser sword.” Their lunch consisted of two shared large pizzas and a coke each. Amber didn’t have any luck at all with winning tickets today but she had fun with the shooting games instead. Sehun was stuck at the motorcycle games in the very back with a few other kids in Jongin’s age, trying to beat each other’s high scores. Jongdae decided to donate his tickets to Junmyeon and join Sehun in the back.

 

After stuffing themselves full of pizza and soda they sat back and talked for a while more, all of them struck with food coma and Amber was whining about eating way too much. But they soon went back to playing their games and spent most of the day at the arcade. Since the others didn’t pay any mind to winning tickets it was only Yifan and Junmyeon at the price booth looking at the things.

 

Yifan was right when he said that the laser sword and old ugly hoodie really were too much. He sighed in disappointment when Joy, the girl in the prize booth, counted their tickets. “Well, it’s not enough for the laser sword, but you got nine thousand tickets so you can still get some pretty good prizes.” She said and smiled widely, motioning for the things in his range.

 

“It’s fine, that just means I’ll have to come back and play more some time which means more business for you.” Joy nodded, shrugging her shoulders. “True! Honestly I’m sorry that it’s so much, I hope you win it some time. So what do you want?” The girl flicked her curly green dip-dyed hair over her shoulder and smiled.

 

“Hmm… The alpaca plushie and some candy I guess. Some lollipops?” She nodded and stood on her toes to get the fuzzy white alpaca and five lollipops. “Here you go! Hope you enjoy your prizes and come back to win that sword, I’m rooting for you!” She held her hand up and swung it back and forth enthusiastically and Junmyeon grinned, mimicking the behavior before taking the prices.

 

“Bye Joy!” She waved at them and the two met up with the others at the entrance before heading to the buss stop, Amber and Sehun were picked up by Amber’s mom in her car so it left Jongdae, Yifan and Junmyeon.

 

Before leaving the brunet grabbed Yifan’s sleeve. “Hey, I want you to have this. You helped me and he doesn’t fit with my bunnies. So you should have it as a token of my gratitude, you did teach me how to play and now I can get that laser sword!” Yifan looked at the other as he held out the plushie, right cheek bulging out from the lollipop he was sucking on and eyes twinkling.

 

“Are…you sure? Didn’t you say this was your first price you’ve won?” The blond hesitantly took the alpaca, feeling the soft fur under his dry hands and he turned it over a little. “I’m sure. I have four more lollipops do bask in. They are prize enough!”

 

Smiling and wrapping his arm around the brunet Yifan gave him a hug. “Thank you, I’ll treasure it.” Junmyeon’s eyes disappeared as he smiled and hugged Yifan good-bye, and then went on the same bus as Jongdae, waving at the taller as they left.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The past two weeks they all had become closer and Junmyeon really enjoyed having the two around so of course he invited them when he decided to have a sleepover. It was the usual gang and Yu-bin had cooked food for all of them and was excited to hear that all of them would appreciate if she cooked Korean food since he’d asked what they’d like to eat. So she prepared lots for tonight as well as popcorn, chips and soda.

 

They had set up his and her matrasses on the floor in front of the L shaped sofa and Siwon had came by with some old matrasses to fill the floor so all ten could fit to sleep in the living room. His uncle then helped him threw as many blankets pillows and comforters over the make-shift beds until it looked cozy and he left, wishing him good luck and not to wreck the place.

 

Seulgi came first, already in her pajamas and walked up to the door with her girlfriend, Irene. “It’s nice meeting you, Seulgi talks a lot about you.” The girl had kind warm brown eyes and yellow blond long hair with bangs. Irene was really pretty and she seemed kind as well.

 

“It’s nice meeting you too, but I’m just driving Gigi here, I’m going home. Sorry I had to deny your invite, it was kind of you to want me over as well but my grandparents are in town.” Seulgi walked in to dump her bag next to the TV then walked back to hug her girlfriend.

 

“It’s fine, I understand. Maybe some other time.” She nodded and Seulgi kissed her goodbye waving as she walked down to her old light blue car. Then the others started filing in one by one and in groups. Everyone was in their pajamas and ready to start watching a movie and eat some dinner then occupy the sofa or “cuddle cave” like Jongin called it, until they fell asleep.

 

Chanyeol came last with a duffle bag and had a large grin on his face. “Guess what I managed to get?” He said excitedly and toed his shoes off and shrugged his jacket of, laying it in the pile of outdoor clothing as he walked with Junmyeon to the kitchen, a few curious people coming along as well as the redhead dumped the bag on the island then zipped it open, taking out two six packs of beer.

 

“How did you get these?” Junmyeon asked, a little worried about drinking at home if his mother would come back home. “Yeol… I don’t know if this is a great idea.” The other’s smile faltered and he lowered the six packs. “It’s not like we’ll get crazy drunk from some light beer. Relax, I won’t force you to drink and I’ll take full responsibility for the cans getting out of here.”

 

Letting out a sigh he nodded and opened the refrigerator to cool them down. “How did you even get beer?” Sehun asked.

 

“You know that kid I usually write songs with, Yoongi, his older brother bought them for me.” He grinned and he nodded. “Well, I’m having one for dinner.”

 

Yifan refused to drink and Chanyeol was a little surprised since he’d thought the blond was one to drink but he just shrugged and continued handing beers out once they were set for dinner. Yixing didn’t drink either because he knew about Yifan’s distaste in alcohol. Sehun, Amber, Jongdae, Seulgi, Kyungsoo and of course Chanyeol drank beer so they got two each conveniently enough. Jongin felt too young to drink and Junmyeon didn’t feel the need to.

 

Dinner was loud and full of laughter and chatter. Everyone was having fun and could forget about their personal problems for only a while. Junmyeon tasted some of Chanyeol’s beer and made a face at the taste and washed it down with kimchi and soda. The other’s laughed at his reaction and Jongin said that it probably smelled as sour as it smelled.

 

Once all plates and bowls were scraped clean they cleaned up briefly and Junmyeon got a plastic bag for the empty beer cans so they wouldn’t leak all over Chanyeol’s bag. They then settled in the cuddle cave and decided for a scary movie even if both Junmyeon and Jongin whined about it. Jongdae said that they could watch a child’s movie afterwards, and his little brother would probably just fall asleep either way.

 

Before turning on the movie they decided sleeping arrangements. Kyungsoo and Jongin got a spot in the sofa since the younger was too scared something would grab him from under it if the slept on the floor. They didn’t take up much place either since they basically lay on top of each other. Amber lay furthest out since she didn’t believe in scary things, plus it was just about some knife-stabbing moron. Next to her was Chanyeol who said he’d need to pee during the night probably after drinking so much.

 

Seulgi and Sehun weren’t that interested and got a spot close to the short part of the sofa and Yifan got a spot next to Chanyeol since he didn’t fit on the sofa so the one who got a spot to sleep next to Junmyeon was Jongdae. However Yifan slept directly under the brunet and he said that if he drooled on him he’d wipe it back on him, making Junmyeon laugh.

 

But that was for later, now as many as they could they huddled up in the sofa. Junmyeon basically lay across Jongdae, Yifan and Seulgi as Jongin and Kyungsoo refused to give up an inch of their spot, the rest sat on the mattresses on the floor. The movie started and Junmyeon already hated it, way too much scramming and blood for him to feel comfortable.

 

About halfway through he got up and told them to get him when they started the kid’s movie. He made his way upstairs and Yifan decided to go check on him. No one paid them too much mind as they were too wrapped up in the movie playing, well, except for Jongin who was sleeping on Kyungsoo’s chest and the dark haired boy was nodding off as well, head burrowed into the light brown mop of hair.

 

Junmyeon walked around his room mindlessly, deciding to grab his two bunny plushies with him for when he’d have to go down again. With a soft sigh he sat on the edge of his bed and turned on the star projector, turning it to show a different set of stars on the ceiling.

 

It wasn’t like he couldn’t finish the movie and he rather sit with the others but he just needed some time to breath. Junmyeon wasn’t used to this any people at the same time, or having this many friends. It was a little tiring and he had to recharge by himself for a few minutes. He didn’t want any nightmares either.

 

But he was happy that the others were having fun and their happiness was al he needed to feel content. Smiling up at the lights in the ceiling he heard the soft knock on the door and he turned to see Yifan in his gray sweatpants hanging low on his waist and his simple white tee. Smiling a little at the other he patted the seat next to him on the bed.

 

“I wanted to check on you, so that you weren’t too scared or upset from the movie. You really hate scary movies huh?” Yifan strode over to the bed and sat down next to him, looking up at the stars, blinking up at the constellations above them.

 

“Not particularly no. I’m easily spooked and I rather have nice things. I won’t be able to sleep for days if I watch some of these movies. I bet it sounds really silly..” Junmyeon looked down at his lap. “Not really. I don’t like scary movies about ghosts, but I can take the ones like scream, because I know how I would react in that kind of situation so I don’t get scared. But with ghosts you don’t know what they can do or hot to stop it. So you can’t do much about it.”

 

Looking up to the blond Junmyeon smiled and nodded. It sounded logical enough, but from his view he probably wouldn’t be able to fight off one of the serial killers from the movies like Yifan could. “Bet you that all you need to do is show the ghosts your face and they’d run of _frightened_.”

 

Yifan laughed wholeheartedly and looked over at the other, he was almost a head taller than him even when sitting down. “Are you saying that I am ugly or scary?” One eyebrow raised and his lips turned up into a quirky grin.

 

Junmyeon’s eyes widened and he looked down. “Sorry I didn’t mean it like that! I–I was just joking. I don’t actually think you’re scary. Or ugly. Sorry. I didn’t mean it. You’re actually pretty hot and –“

 

“Jun.” Yifan stopped him, putting a hand on his knee. “You’re rambling. Calm down? I didn’t take it personally, I knew you were joking. So calm down and breathe.” The brunet took a deep breath and stood up to open up his window and letting in some cold air.

 

“Sorry, I’m still not used to this kind of friendship? Back in North when I had Jisoo, Minho and Key we were…careful. Key was good at cussing though and would be really straightforward with things. But the dynamic here is completely different and sometimes I don’t know if I actually fit in.” Junmyeon looked out the window at the few real stars twinkling in the dark night sky. Turning around to smile at Yifan the brunet let his hands rest on the cool metal of his windowsill. “I’ve never had this many friends before though, I’ve never been around so many people. I really like it. I feel safe.”

 

The blond smiled back, nodding to show that he understood the other. “Myself I’ve always been around people. Honestly, I don’t like being home so I surround myself with people away from home. But you know, you shouldn’t feel like you don’t fit in. I’ve seen how you act with your friends and you seem to fit in perfectly. You’re like the missing piece of sense they needed.” Yifan chuckled and Junmyeon smiled wider, closing his window a little.

 

“So how were they before I got here?” He asked curiously as he moved to sit back on the bed, pulling his knees to his chest, leaning back against the wall. Yifan turned to look at him and thought it over. “Well, while Soo has sense and kept them in check most of the time he still likes to be a little trouble maker and Yeol is good at riling him up. Yeol is just as reckless now as he was before but he hasn’t been to the school nurse for a while. Last time he went there I think he got some kind of poisoning from dinking a mixture of every spice in the cafeteria.” Junmyeon laughed out loud and covered his mouth with his hands, feeling bad for laughing at his expanse. “Amber, Chen and Seulgi are crazy! Hun is pretty chill but he doesn’t do anything to stop them. Kai isn’t around that much… since he’s one year under.”

 

“Sounds the same as now. Then, how am I? You seem observant and I think it’s interesting to know how people see me.” It caught Yifan of guard and he stared at the other blankly for a while. Suddenly his cheeks started to burn as Junmyeon kept looking into his eyes with his kind coffee brown eyes.

 

“Uhm… you’re thoughtful and bright. You think of other’s and don’t seek conflict or revenge even if they’ve done you wrong. I was surprised you didn’t try pull something on Lu and Tao. Even more surprised you managed to convince them not to do anything.” He jerked his head towards the door and Junmyeon shrugged. “You’re like, literally glowing when you smile it’s kind of stressing me out how pretty you are.” Yifan sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck, looking down at the space between them.

 

“It will never end if you continue. If I decided to do something back at them they would just come back and it would just get worse every time. And this was pretty bad so I don’t want more of it.” Silence settled over them for a while but it was comfortable and Junmyeon moved to sit cross-legged, scooting closer to Yifan.

 

“Thank you. I’ve never heard anyone calling me so pretty it stresses them out. Sorry about that.” Looking back up the blond saw the pink dusting over Junmyeon’s round cheeks in the dark of the room, his tongue traveled over his chapped lips to moist them as Junmyeon settled his hand on his larger one.

 

It was warm and soft against his skin and he felt it twitch as if not knowing what to do next. Junmyeon traced his fingers along Yifan’s longer ones until they laced together, the shorter leaned in and his eyes caught something in the corner of his eye that caught his attention. Turning his head slightly he shrieked loudly in fright, scrambling back on the bed and Yifan, shocked by his scream, recoiled and hit the back of his head in the shelf, hissing in pain.

 

Hurried footsteps came up the stairs and Chanyeol stopped in the doorway, letting out a sigh. “What are you screaming about we thought someone was murdering you?” He yelled as Jongdae came to peek under his arm and Sehun over his shoulder. Junmyeon pointed silently and wide-eyed at the spider on the windowsill crawling into his room slowly, it wasn’t bigger than a bottle cap but the brunet trembled in fear.

 

“Euw..” Sehun said and Yifan looked at the spider as if it betrayed him and stood up, picking it up by it’s back leg, making the boy on the bed whine, then threw it out into the back garden and closed the window. “There, the threat is gone.”

 

“I’m sorry I hate bugs..” He muttered and looked at the floor, his entire face red in embarrassment as he stood up and Yifan patted his shoulder. “It’s okay, no harm done. We could go back down and finish the movie.”

 

They all nodded and walked back down, Junmyeon and Yifan lingered in his room. “Thank you for throwing the spider out.” The brunet smiled up at Yifan and took his hand, tugging him towards the door. “The movie should be done now shouldn’t it? So we don’t have to hide anymore.”

 

“Sounds good, should we get out some popcorn?” Junmyeon nodded and they walked down, hand in hand to the kitchen and prepared the snacks for the second movie. They walked back out and sat on some pillows on the floor, leaning back against the sofa as the movie started. Junmyeon’s thigh was touching Yifan’s and none of them minded or tried to move away from each other.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Do you like Kris?” Junmyeon looked up from his textbook and over to Yixing, the sudden question surprising him. Blinking a couple times then putting his book down and looking around in the library they were seated in.

 

“Yeah? He’s a really good friend. I enjoy his company obviously, if not we wouldn’t meet up with him after our study session.” Yixing smiled at him and nodded. “I didn’t mean it like that though, do you like like him? He did confess about his feelings before when talking to you about Tao. I just wondered if you feel the same, because if not it’d be a good idea to tell him so and not lead him on.”

 

He wasn’t sure about his feeling, he thought he might like Yifan; he did try kissing him the night of the sleepover but the spider had frightened him and afterwards he was too shy to advance again. Maybe he did like the blond, he’d been thinking about kissing him a lot the past weeks. Perhaps it’d be worth a shot dating him, but what if they found out they didn’t fit together at all or had a bad break up. He didn’t want to loose what they had.

 

“I’m not sure Lay. Honestly I…I’m a little scared showing affection after the thing with Liam, I mean I could try dating him I do kind of like him. But it’s just a little much right now you know.” The boy nodded and turned the page in his book about chemistry.

 

“I don’t want him to be disappointed. But you should tell him you like him too, but that you’re not ready?” The suggestion was good and he might actually go for it. But it was a bit scary. “I don’t want to pressure you into tell him about your feelings, but you two seem to like each other a lot. I’ve noticed how you hold hands under the table and all the skinship. You make up excuses to touch all the time.”

 

Junmyeon blushed darkly and hid his face in his history book as Yixing laughed at him then reached over to pat his head, pushing his bangs back and leaning forward to catch his eyes. “Hey it’s okay, it’s really cute actually. But none of you are very subtle. Soo and I talked about it before, we both thought you should just give it a try, it could even make you think of other things than “Liam”.”

 

Looking up from the book the shorter pouted and nodded. “Probably. But I’ll decide when I do it! I’ll take your advice but I won’t talk about it with him just yet.” Turning back to their books Junmyeon read three pages before he spoke up again, the tips of his ears burning red. “I…I was thinking about kissing him at the sleepover before the spider appeared. I chickened out afterwards.”

 

Yixing just smiled at his book and they continued to read until the clock showed 17:00 and they left too meet up with Yifan for some casual hang out in the park.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Junmyeon learned that he did like Yifan. The more he thought if it the more little things he noticed. How he wanted to hold his hand and play with his long fingers, how he told him to use his chap stick when his lips were dry, that he whined when he didn’t get to sit next to him and that he really really wanted to touch his hair and kiss him a lot.

 

But he couldn’t do that so he sat next to him at lunch and talked about the art assignment, trying to figure out something to do. But their legs were pressed together under the table and Yifan’s bare arm was pressed against his shirtsleeve. It was getting warmer as they neared May and today was a particular warm day. It was also then that he noticed the scorpion inked into his left bicep. It curved and Yifan told him it was a Borneo scorpion and was supposed to protect him from a potentially disastrous fate.

 

Junmyeon thought it was beautiful, both the tattoo itself and the meaning behind it. His fingers would trace over the edges and feel the warmth radiating from his tan skin under the pads of his fingers. Yifan told him about the tattoos and piercings he’d considered and wanted. Right now he had three lobe piercings and he wanted a helix. The brunet said he had never thought of a piercing or a tattoo himself and the taller said that he had the equipment if he ever wanted a piercing, apparently he was the one who had done all of Zitao’s piercings and a few other kids’.

 

Maybe he’d do one, he wasn’t sure he wanted lobe piercings but maybe he’d look a few up. Yifan was so far from the usual people he hung out with and it intrigued him, he was interesting to listen to and observe. Something about Yifan just pulled him in. He was still so kind and thoughtful even if he could come off as rude or blunt.

 

Yixing was probably right, he should confess. Yifan deserved to know he liked him too and now he felt anxious about doing it before the blond would change his mind about his crush on Junmyeon. He had to find a good time now and tell him that he just needed a while to let things get calmer. People were still writing vile things on his locker and once when Jongdae was sick and he went to PE he was almost tied half naked to the showers and he had cried on the tiled floor as the gym teacher yelled at the boys for being bad and that he should ban them from the next game.

 

Junmyeon walked away from that encounter with a bruised back from being shoved into the wall and a fear of being anywhere alone. Kyungsoo took it upon himself to follow him wherever he needed, but Jongin would pout and whine when he’d be neglected and soon that task was handed over to Sehun.

 

It was less likely people would try doing something to the poor boy if he was accompanied. He still hadn’t told his mom and he was planning on keeping it that way.

 

A few birthdays had passed these months as well and every one was celebrated simply with small gifts and lots of laughter. Junmyeon was up now with only two weeks left until he turned sixteen and thinking about how young he till was all he could think of who had done Yifan’s tattoo if he was still only fifteen?

 

But he paid it no more mind and moved his hand back onto the table, leaning into the blond boy slightly when he yawned. “God I wish school ended already… I need to take a nap.”

 

“Well, it’s still forty minutes left and I don’t mind you using me as a pillow if you want to sleep?” Yifan suggested and Junmyeon smiled at him before resting his head on his shoulder and let himself dose of for a few minutes. It was refreshing to be able to sleep a little and get his mind collected.

 

After what felt like hours his eyes fluttered open when he felt the careful caress of fingers over his waist and tiredly he lifted his head and rubbed his bleary eyes, blinking the fuzziness away. “How long was I out?”

 

“Ten, maybe fifteen minutes. Feel better?” Junmyeon nodded tiredly and took Jongdae’s half empty soda and took a few mouthfuls. “You did drool on my shirt so it must have been a good deep sleep.” Yifan said and the brunet went red, hiding his face in his hands and pressing his forehead against the table.

 

“Oh my god… I’m sorry!” He whined, Yifan just chuckled and patted his back.

 

 

* * *

 

 

It was never supposed to happen. Things like these were not supposed to happen. But there were no good times for these things and it turned out that Yifan had to learn that the hard way. Everything seemed surreal.

 

It was just like any day, Yifan woke up and sneaked out from his room to the toilet then back to his room to eat something he was hoarding in a duffle bag that was always packed and ready with clothes and food in case he had to run away. He listened to music and texted with friends before getting dressed for the day, deciding to meet up with Minseok for a while until Junmyeon was done with his lunch with his uncle.

 

Yifan wore his usual lazy hoodie, jeans and sneakers as he headed out as the sun rose slowly over the horizon. Today he’d been lucky to avoid his father this far and now he just hoped he’d be asleep when he came home and it’d be as close to a perfect day as it could be. Junmyeon had been the one who asked if they could meet and he felt flighty and couldn’t stop grinning, wondering what it was that “he had to tell him”.

 

He’d barley been able to sleep thanks to that and now he wasn’t sure if he could pay Minseok any attention with Junmyeon occupying his thoughts. Not that he’d mind. They were going to talk about Luhan and Zitao since Minseok too had stopped talking to them now and was slowly migrating back to Yifan and Yixing. And Yifan had been surprised when the small football played had cried in frustration over his feelings towards Luhan and how he hated him for doing this to Junmyeon.

 

Yifan understood his anger and said that telling him his mind was probably the best. But he was unsure if Luhan would treat him like they had treated Junmyeon if they found out he swung both ways, well, he didn’t care about gender in general. Minseok liked good-looking people.

 

They were at Minseok’s father’s house and the brown haired boy ranted for a good two hours abut Luhan and his mother keeping on pushing him down and into labels. It was because of her he couldn’t tell Luhan straight to his face how he felt because she’d emotionally disabled him and he wasn’t even sure if he loved Luhan or if it was more. And he’d started crying again, infuriated with himself, his mother and their former friends.

 

The blond tried his best to comfort the other and eventually when Minseok had calmed down they parted ways, Yifan inviting him over for lunch at their table on Monday. He accepted and then he was on his way to the park Junmyeon usually liked to go to and sat at the swings, waiting for him to arrive.

 

Soon the sight of a boy in light jeans, sneakers and a light yellow hoodie on a curvy sky blue bike came into view and his brown hair flied in every direction. He made a sharp turn and parked the bike against the fence and waved at Yifan before jumping over the fence, stumbling before running towards the swings and plopped down in the one next to Yifan, grinning widely.

 

Junmyeon told him about his day and his lunch with his uncle in town and it was nice catching up with him as he told him about life back in North Carolina. He hadn’t talked to his old friends in what felt like in forever and he felt bad about not calling them more and Yifan told him that they were probably happy he had found people to be around here and that he had new people who looked after him. And Junmyeon knew he was right, it sounded like something Jisoo would tell him.

 

“So, you wanted to tell me something?” Yifan asked after a few minutes of chattering back and forth.

 

“Oh…yeah. I –“ He was cut off by the tune of a phone ringing and Yifan picked up, seeing the cellar ID as “Tao” he hung up and when he was about to tell Junmyeon to continue it went off again, Zitao calling him again and with a groan he looked at the other.

 

“Sorry, I just need to tell Tao to stop calling me.” Nodding quickly he looked away and swung back and forth as if to give him privacy in his phone call. Yifan answered with a groan. “What? I told you we aren’t friends anymore Tao, I’m with Jun right now and I rather not talk to you. I’m hanging up.”

 

 _“Yifan wait. I wouldn’t call unless I needed to… I know you fucking hate me right now Kris but this is more important than that.”_ Thick brows drew together at the waver on the other end of the call. “My–my mother got a call from Lay’s mother a while ago…”

 

“What? What did she say?” Yifan felt something was off and he could feel the lump form in his throat at the thick pause on the other end as Zitao let out a shaky breath, It sounded like he was about to cry ant second. His hands started to tremble and he repeated himself. “Tao, what did she call about?”

 

Junmyeon noticed the distress in Yifan’s voice and turned back to look at him. “It’s Lay.” Zitao choked out and Yifan felt the whole world crumble up, everything crashed down and he couldn’t breathe. He was hyperventilating but he couldn’t register any of his breaths as taking in oxygen and his hand clutched onto he phone tightly, feeling tears slip down his cheeks as he stared into nothing.

 

The boy next to him called out for him but it sounded like he was underwater and all he could see was black. Numb, cold and dark. Junmyeon started to sound worried now as he felt a hand on his shoulder but he wasn’t sure if it was real or not. Zitao let out a sob on the other end of the phone and his heart sunk into his stomach.

 

“He’s dead.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First things first idk if ya'll know but there was a terrorist attack in stockholm(sweden) last friday and i live 15 min from where it happened with the subway and holy crap i was on my way home only two stations away when the truck drove into the mall and I wnet in yesterday for the first time in four days and there were fowers everywhere which was really heartwarming but yeah. Four people passed away and a low of people were hurt and thousands were affected. However!!!! I'm so proud of how everyone handled the situation and showed that this won't scare us from showing our love and support for the families who lost a loved one.  
> Today was also the funeral of my friend and I've been anxious for three days but it went as good as a funeral can. But there were a lot of other friends there and it was a good closure to all of this and my sister said she feels better about all of this now.   
> But enough ranting about my life and onto the chapter!!
> 
> ok so next chapter is uuuup! and i'm so sorry ooops! hope no one cried too much in the end and don't worry it'll get worse!! honestly though nothing bad against Yixing he's my pure sweet bby and I love him with my whole heart but I planned don it being him for a few reasons and this is nothing against him omg i love my lil chinese boy.   
> this is a little short but if I made it longer it'd just be filled of half assed bullshit and I rather just write quality content in the next chapter and heads up, it's going to be a fkn painful chapter I'm telling you already. 
> 
> hope y'all enjoyed reading and look forward to th e pain in the next chapter! <33 thnx for reading and kudos!
> 
>  
> 
> Playlist for this chapter:
> 
> Ed Sheeran - Shape Of You 
> 
> The Chainsmokers & Coldplay - Something Just Like This
> 
> Maroon 5 - Don't Wanna Know
> 
> Stylez Major - Dreams Featuring Tony Sway
> 
> Charlie Puth - We Don't Talk Anymore
> 
>  
> 
> 2NE1 - Gotta Be You
> 
> exo - Lady Luck
> 
> Tiffany (SNSD) - TALK
> 
> Hyuna - Get Out Of My House
> 
> SHINee - Don't Let Me Go
> 
>  
> 
> Clothes for this chapter:  
> (the PJs are non important, just think soft and casual)
> 
> Junmyeon:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909343182/  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909337355/  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909337333/
> 
> Sehun:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909337366/
> 
> Amber:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/AYzl_oSzFSZFoOqpX0ISk6H-xJY8dF1NPByjvZCT0VxcM0bDv7_6iIY/
> 
> Yifan:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909357706/  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909337454/  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909337474/
> 
> Yixing:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909337602/
> 
> Jongdae:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909337652/
> 
> Chanyeol:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909337681/


	6. burry your baby

The Monday after Yixing’s death was quit. No one spoke louder than a whisper; no one dared to look up when anyone of those who’d been friends with Yixing walked by. Zitao had brought a picture that he set up on his locker and sticking a white rose into one of the holes. Minseok, Luhan and Yifan were there as well to adorn the locker with flowers and smiling lamb plush.

 

A candle was lit in front of the locker after the principal’s allowance. Some students wrote notes and taped onto the locker and some walked out to look for flowers in the yard to pay their respect to the deceased boy.

 

No one had seen Zitao cry before but that day he wasn’t seen not crying. His eyes were puffy and red; cheeks tear stained and was clinging onto wither Yifan, Minseok or Luhan. He wore sunglasses and a cap to hide himself from prying eyes of students. No one of them knew what exactly had happened and they were just starting to examine the body, but it all pointed in one direction. Suicide.

 

Zitao refused to believe that Yixing would take his own life and do this to him and his family. He was furious, sad and confused. If it was like Qian said there didn’t seem to be any reason for him to take his own life. Yixing was happy, he had friends, his life at home was good and he had two loving parents.

 

It didn’t make sense because every time Yixing was sad or felt bad he’d talk about it. His passing shocked everyone and a lot of students sent them sad looks and quick “I’m sorry”s before passing to their class.

 

The worst was at lunch when their table would get visitors every other second with people telling them they’re sorry and hope they were ok. Yifan didn’t care if Zitao was a fucking idiot and had basically ruined Junmyeon’s life right now. He knew how close the two were and he needed to be there for his former best friend right now. Junmyeon would text him from time to time to check on him if he was okay and Yifan would reply with simple answers.

 

Even if he wanted to talk to Junmyeon now wasn’t the time. Luhan hadn’t talked much, just held Minseok as he cried silently into his shoulder. Yifan had his arm wrapped around Zitao’s back as he sniffled into a tissue, waiting for the day to end.

 

Junmyeon wanted to tell them he was grieving with them, he’d just gotten to know Yixing and it sill felt unreal he was gone. They had just talked a few days ago. But when he talked to Yifan he said it was for the best if he kept away for now, apparently the blond was annoyed with the people trying to talk to them right now. Sure, he thought it was sweet they cared, but he wanted to be alone with the people who were close to him.

 

So all he did was silently sit next to a worried Chanyeol. He knew that the brunet had bonded with Yixing; they were similar in many ways and were both kind people that thought of other’s before themselves. Junmyeon hadn’t cried but he had barley said a word to anyone except for texting with Yifan.

 

With a sigh Chanyeol wrapped his arms around the other, pulling him into his chest. “How are you? You barley ate… I know it feels weird but you need to at least get something in your stomach.” Junmyeon kept quiet, simply leaning into his warm chest and closed his eyes. Another sigh and the redhead began rubbing circles on the boy’s back. Everyone else had left for now and it was just the two of them at their usual table outside.

 

Chanyeol was sure that he wouldn’t hear a breath from the other today but soon he heard the deep intake of breath and Junmyeon lifted his head to rest over his heart, something that seemed to calm him. “Yeol… Can I trust you with another secret?”

 

“Of course you can. I won’t tell anyone anything unless you want me to. I said I’d always be here right?” Junmyeon took Chanyeol’s larger hand in his and played with his fingers mindlessly. “What if it was I? When my father hit me I used to think what a relief it’d be to just end it all… I considered taking my own life at one point because of him.”

 

The white noise of students chatting sounded like screaming in Chanyeol’s ears as he tightened his grip of the boy and wrapped his hand around his and held it tightly. “You don’t think like that anymore right?” Junmyeon shook his head against his chest.

 

“I could never do it to my mom. Or my friends. I realized that. And that I even thought it scared me and I just…I wish he’d reached out about his problems and then maybe this wouldn’t have happened.” He’s always been scared of his own dark thoughts and shoved them back as quick as they surfaced.

 

“I just hope they found out what happened. He might have died from natural causes.” Chanyeol said and patted his hip, coaxing Junmyeon to stand up so they could head for their class. The shorter nodded and threw a last glance at Yifan who was still holding Zitao, eyes cast down and he could see the wet streaks on his cheeks from where they stood.

 

All he wanted was to hug Yifan and kiss the tears away but all he could do was watch and quietly walk away with Chanyeol holding him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Qian called the Huang household three days after her son died sobbing into the phone, barley able to get a word out. Feifei tried to calm her down and to speak clearly because right now she didn’t make any sense at all. After minutes of cooing and assuring her that it’d be okay she managed to calm down enough to talk clearly.

 

 _“It was him! Lucas made him do it! They–they found remains of…of.”_ She broke down crying again and Zitao looked over at his mother questioningly as she clutched the phone to her ear and fear written over her face. The blond mouthed, “What’s wrong” and his mother shrugged back at him as she continued to calm her down.

 

 _“Fei…I–the police came this morning…and took him to the station. Oh Fei…”_ Her voice broke and she sobbed loudly. “ _They found remains of…_ him _, inside Yixing.”_ Qian started crying again and Zitao was told to go to his room until she came there. With a sigh he did as told and walked up to his room, closing the door and nervously fidgeting with everything in his room.

 

It felt like he waited forever when his mother knocked on the door, her mascara running down her cheeks and face completely void of emotion. “Taotao.. We need to talk. About Yixing. I know it hurts but they know what happened now. It might even make you feel worse than you already do, but you should know. Qian doesn’t want people to know… But she said it’s important those that were close to him know. She called up Luhan’s and Minseok’s houses to tell them as well. Yifan didn’t reply so I’ll try calling him.”

 

They walked to sit on the sofa on the same floor as Zitao’s bedroom and she let out a breath, wiping the smudged black from her cheeks. “They examined the body and found some disturbing remains inside him. He did take his own life; apparently he overdosed on sleeping pills. They didn’t know how he got his hands on them, but there’s nowhere in his journal that he has been given pills by a doctor. You know his stepfather, Rodney. He… they found remains of him inside Yixing as well as signs of forced intercourse. He-he was bleeding…”

 

All sounds seemed blurred and sound as if he went underwater as Zitao stared at the coffee table, tears slipping down his cheeks he didn’t even notice were there. “Do you…mean…did he?” She bit her lip to stop herself from crying again, nodding.

 

“The police questioned him.. he denied everything at first but when they told him about what they found he admitted. He’s been sexually assaulting Yixing for a long time and they think that this was the last straw. Rodney is facing a trial, Qian said it’s unlikely he’ll win and then she hopes for a life sentence. She’s devastated. Poor girl…” Zitao frowned and shook his head, burying his face in his hands.

 

“Why…why didn’t he tell me? Why didn’t he seek help?” He said weakly, sniffling into his hands as his mother reached to caress his hair. “They believe he was threatened to keep quiet and being so young…it’s not easy to find your own way out of things you know.”

 

“I hate him!” Zitao yelled, breaking down into sobs. He didn’t want to think about Yixing’s stepfather forcing himself onto his son. It was disgusting and that he drove his friend to take his own life made him hysterical. Nothing felt real, he couldn’t even find any words, all he wanted was to curl up in bed and wake up knowing it was all just a dream.

 

Feifei cried quietly as she threaded her fingers through her son’s hair, hushing him and rocking them back and forth on the sofa. She left a kiss at his temple and Zitao let out a whimper when trying to catch his breath.

 

Poor Yixing. He went through all of this alone, too afraid to turn and talk to anyone because of his stepfather’s words and acts. Spending sleepless nights crying quietly into his pillow and buying sleeping pills from an unknown man in a hoodie at the backside of an abandoned parking lot to be able to get a normal amount of sleep. Zitao had noticed his lack in attention and he’d been acting off some days and when asking he’d just said he hadn’t slept enough and he accepted that answer too quickly. He should’ve pressed on more; he shouldn’t have accepted that as an answer when something obviously was bothering him greatly.

 

Frustration, hopelessness and remorse flooded his young mind and Zitao clutched at his shirt over his erratically beating heart, burying his face in his mother’s neck. It was unfair, he thought, that all his friends seemed to have to endure so much pain and suffering in their family life. Sure, his father had left them, but he was too young to even remember him and his mother had always been caring and kind. She was the ideal mother and he loved her.

 

Yifan’s adoptive parents were alcoholics, Minseok’s mother discouraged him and verbally abused him almost every opportunity she got, and Luhan was lucky and had a rather normal relationship with his parents. Sometimes they would fight but they got along most of the time. And now Yixing’s stepfather was a pedophile and practically a murderer.

 

He calmed down the best he could before calling Yifan over who complained since he was out with Junmyeon but kept it at a minimum as he made his way to his friends house, cutting their date short with a frown and a hug.

 

When he came over Zitao and his mother sat down and told him everything and Zitao was almost certain the other was about to punch a hole in the wall when he got the news. But he managed to keep himself calm, hands tightened into fists rested in his lap. Zitao told him to tell the others in his new gang as well, they got close to him the last moth and should know what happened to Yixing.

 

Yifan really thought it was a step forward for him and he nodded, spending the rest of the day and night at his house hid in Zitao’s room, mostly crying and speaking of good times when they were younger and played in the playground, noticing the boy with black hair sitting alone on the swings, nervously looking at the other kids playing.

 

The ever outgoing Zitao had taken Yifan’s hand and said, _“Don’t look to scary”_ as they walked up to the boy and the shorter boy put on a smile as they approached the lone boy on the swing, kicking his short legs under him without making any speed. _“Do you want to play with us?”_ He asked and the boy looked up at him then around, keeping silent, brows drawing together deeper.

_“I don’t understand you.”_ He said in mandarin and the boy speaking in their native language took both Yifan and Zitao aback. It excited them both and even if they had lived with English far longer than Mandarin they were able to keep a good conversation. When they introduced themselves again in there shared language the boy’s eyes lit up and a wide excited smile spread over his lips. He introduced himself, as Yixing and that he’d love to play with them. Only a few days later they realized he and Zitao were almost neighbors.

 

Even if they were happy memories tears fell down the two boys’ cheeks through their pained smiles.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Junmyeon had texted Jongdae and asked if he could walk him to the restroom since he didn’t have class right now like the others, but he said that he needed to comfort Taeyeon about something. She’d come crying to the cheerleader squad and they all fussed over her until Jongdae was the only one left to listen to her sob story.

 

So he asked for a corridor pass and went by himself to the boy’s restroom, thankfully no one bothered him; actually no one was there at all. But that was only a relief for him as he slipped into the bathroom and saw one booth was occupied and chose two away from that one.

 

After he was done and stood washing his hands he heard a choked sob from the booth and he looked at the sneakers sticking out. “Hello? Are you okay?” Junmyeon asked as he wiped his hands and threw the paper towel away.

 

The boy on the other side took a sharp inhale and Junmyeon looked down on the floor. “I won’t hurt you? Are…you crying?” Junmyeon pushed, keeping some distance from the stall and for a few minutes no one moved or spoke and when he was about to give up the lock clicked and he was met by Baekhyun’s red eyes and trembling lip.

 

“Why do you care?” He asked and the brunet shrugged, not really sure. But he didn’t like seeing other people suffer, whether if he liked them or not and right now it looked like the blond needed someone.

 

“If I’m nice to someone, hopefully they will be kind to another person and that way the world would become a better place. If we all treated each other good.” Baekhyun laughed and shook his head.

 

“That kind of logic doesn’t work inside a high school I think. Everything as a bigger plan and everyone has an ulterior motive. It’s not like you being nice to someone will stop them from being horrible towards you again.”

 

They were quiet for a while and Junmyeon leaned back against the sinks, fiddling with his corridor pass with his fingers. “Well…I can still try. It’s a bad spiral and I don’t want to be a part of it.”

 

“You became a part of it when Tao shared those pictures.” The brunet visibly flinched back at the memories and looked down at his dirty white sneakers, taking a step back and straightening up. It became even tenser between them and Baekhyun wiped his eyes.

 

“Sorry…I didn’t mean it like that. I’m–I’m also really sorry about what I did in the changing rooms before. About the hickey. I didn’t expect all of that other stuff to happen and I’m fucking dumb for speaking up about a faded hickey.” The blond felt stupid for snapping back at someone who was trying to help him and he’d felt an uneasy knot in his stomach for days after seeing the bruise on Junmyeon’s wrist after the football played gripped his wrist.

 

“It’s fine. Thank you for apologizing. It’s big of you and I really appreciate it a lot. So.. do you want to talk? You don’t seem alright.” Beakhyun snorted and grinned. “Is anyone of us alright?” Junmyeon let himself smile as he shook his head and after quick exchanges of words they made their way to the back of the school. He could tell his teacher later he felt sick and went to the nurse and he could ask someone in the group chat to get his books and bag.

 

Apparently Baekhyun had broken up with Taeyeon, which explained why she was upset as well and Jongdae was unable to accompany him to the restrooms. Sehun said he could get his things once his class was done and asked what was up but Junmyeon ignored it as he and Baekhyun sat on the second step of the bleachers.

 

Baekhyun was a little weary and didn’t quite understand why Junmyeon would want to talk to him and actually comfort him. He was half glaring at the other as he nervously tried to initiate a conversation. “So…why were you crying?” The brunet asked finally and the other pulled at the strings of his hoodie, drawing it together to form a smaller hole.

 

“Taeyeon deserves better.” He said, looking over the spot where they would practice on the field. “She deserves someone that loves her. She’s a really good person. Just..I feel disgusted with myself for using her as a apron.”

 

“An apron?” Junmyeon questioned, brows drawn together. “To hide the fact that I’m gay, God…how could you _not_ get that acronym? Aren’t you like, really smart? Whatever, I’m gay. I’ve been since I was really young I think and when I started dating Taeyeon people stopped teasing me for being “girly”. I used her and played with her feelings.”

 

“Ah… I see. You know, it’s fine to like boys.”

 

“No it’s not! Not here! You know what happens when you like the same sex! You and your clique have experienced it so many times and _I_ was one of the people who tormented you!” Baekhyun started dry sobbing, wrapping his arms around himself and shoulders trembling.

 

“Hey..” Junmyeon placed a hand on his knee carefully and caressed it before moving his hand up to his arm and gave it a small squeeze. “I know it’s not easy. But it’s worse not being yourself?” Beakhyun sobbed and wiped a few tears.

 

“I don’t know…I just..I don’t want to live anymore. It’s all too much. Everything is so much and I am so tired.” At that a red flag rose and Junmyeon gripped him tighter.

 

“Don’t say that Baek.” Voice stern and eyes pleading he looked at the broken boy huddled next to him who shrugged his hand off. “I don’t understand why you even care? Wouldn’t it make you happy if I was gone too? It’d make my parents happy.. no, actually they wouldn’t even notice.”

 

There was more to this than just the break up with Taeyeon that was making him like this, his parents seemed to play a part in it too and if Baekhyun honestly wanted to end his own life as well Junmyeon swore to every holy entity there was that he’d save him and not let him go too soon. Like Yixing had.

 

“Because I don’t like to see people suffer! I’m not that happy that you’ve treated people bad but what’s the point in giving you the same treatment when you’re obviously in a really bad place right now? I don’t see the point in letting you suffer through this alone and you are not going to kill yourself Baek. People will miss you, have you not noticed how many people are mourning Lay?”

 

Apparently Yixing’s name triggered the boy into a sobbing mess, tears streaming down his cheeks as he buried his face in his hands, shaking his head. “It’s my fault!” He cried and took a deep shaky inhale as Junmyeon caressed his back soothingly, not sure of if he could hug him or not. “I could have stopped it! I deserve to die! Not him!”

 

 _Screw all social codes_. The brunet thought as he pulled Baekhyun into a tight hug, caressing his hair, threading them along his scalp as he let him cry. “It’s not your fault…don’t blame yourself. I’ve been through the same thing with Kris. There wasn’t anything you could have done..”

 

“Shut up will you?” Baekhyun muttered through his hiccups but pressed closer to Junmyeon. “You don’t know that. We–we were really close friends in kindergarten and…and up to middle school. Then I…I started get feeling for him, I wanted to like kissing him and holding his hand but liking boys was wrong. No one told me it was okay, I thought I was a freak.”

 

Junmyeon sure knew how that felt like. “So…you’re gay? I thought you–then what was it that you had with Tae?”

 

“Chill I’m trying to explain so don’t cut me off.” The brunet shut up and caressed Baekhyun’s back instead. “I pushed him away because I was starting to develop feelings for him. It really hurt him. I know that. I started dating Tae to stop the rumors of me being gay. If I dated the hot cheerleader no one would question me. I was right. But instead I lost Lay… I think that…that if we were still friends, if I hadn’t pushed him away and accepted my feelings for him. Where would we be? Would he have told me about his father.”

 

“I don’t think he would I…it’s more difficult than one can think. You think it’ll be easy to tell someone about your abuse but you’re scared it’ll get worse and Lay’s dad threatened him. He must have been way too scared to talk back.” Baekhyun wiped his nose, sniffling pathetically as he sat up straighter and looked at the other through his blond bangs.

 

“Why do you seem so…good at this?” Junmyeon smiled sadly and looked at the ground and let his hand sink back to his lap. “My dad hit me.” He said with a shrug and Baekhyun put his head in his hands and let out a sigh.

 

“I’m sorry…I was so rude towards you, if I knew I wouldn’t have been like that.”

 

“It wouldn’t change anything. Honestly I don’t want people to treat me any different because I was abused. I don’t like the pity.” Baekhyun nodded and rubbed his arm. “Sorry…it’s all so complicated all the time, isn’t it?”

 

Junmyeon nodded, smiling sadly and moved to hold the other’s hands instead, playing with them mindlessly. “Yeah…life isn’t supposed to be easy.”

 

“It isn’t. I don’t have anyone anymore. Tae probably hates me after I broke up with her and I never really had friends here. I hung out with the cheerleaders and football players because she did and it automatically made me popular. I’ve never really had friends in school. Now I’ll be completely alone…”

 

“Don’t you have any siblings?” The other shook his head and smiled a little. “I have a dog, a four year old keeshond and a husky puppy. My parents are never home, never have been. So they bought me dogs to keep me company when I was old enough to take them for walks by myself. I’m not even sure what they work with but they go to Europe a lot. Do you have siblings?”

 

“No, I don’t have any pets either. It’s just my mom and me. But it’s okay because I have the other’s when I feel lonely.” Baekhyun laced their fingers together, his tears had dried on his cheeks and his breathing had calmed down. “If…you don’t have anyone, we can be friends. I don’t want you to be alone because it’s going to make everything worse. Do you want to hang out? I don’t think you’re fit enough for school today, so wanna hang out at my house?”

 

Baekhyun looked at him as if he was crazy and was quiet for a full three minutes before hesitantly replying. “Can I? But my dogs, I can’t leave them for too long.”

 

“You can bring them along if you want? Or we could be in your house if you want?”

 

“I’ll bring them if I can. I don’t like being at home.” Junmyeon grinned widely and squeezed his hand. “Then we just have to wait for Sehun to come here with my things and we can leave. I’m not being too pushy am I? I don’t want to scare you.”

 

“No it’s fine.” When Sehun came with his bag and books he looked at Baekhyun skeptically and asked Junmyeon if he was okay and he nodded with a smile. Sehun later told Amber who frowned and they hoped that he wouldn’t do anything bad to Junmyeon. Jongdae told them that Taeyeon and Baekhyun had broken up and they assumed this had to do something with that. Chanyeol was uptight about the situation; he was weary over Baekhyun after teasing Kyungsoo so much. But no one allowed him to seek Junmyeon up and make sure he was fine which made him even angrier.

 

Baekhyun’s house was large and he had is own car, recently turning sixteen and getting his license. It was an expensive looking car and when entering the house two dogs came running to the front, the rather large puppy yipping and jumping up at Baekhyun who smiled and kneeled down to pet them. “This is Tulip, she’s the oldest. And this is Rice-ball. She’s a few months old now!” He ruffled her fur and she lay on her back, wagging her tail as Tulip walked up to sniff him and then standing on her hind legs and Junmyeon petted her.

 

“They are really cute.” The blond nodded. “Let me just go and get their collars and leaches. We can take my car to your place actually.” Junmyeon nodded and closed the door behind him, sitting on the floor and letting Rice-ball lick his cheek. He would really like to have a pet as well but he didn’t think he could take care of them any good. Maybe his mother and he could get some pretty fish to have in the living room.

 

Baekhyun came back with two pastel pink collars and put them on the dogs then handed one of the leaches to Junmyeon, the one connected to Tulip’s collar. “She’s way calmer and easier to handle. A real lap dog. She’ll want to sit in your lap when driving since she can’t sit in mine.” With a smile he followed Baekhyun to his white car, he wasn’t very invested in cars and neither was the blond but he could tell it had cost a lot.

 

After typing in his address in the GPS they were off and Tulip was a little large lying in his lap but he didn’t mind. Rice-ball stood looking out the closed window, tongue out and tail wagging. It was a little awkward but Junmyeon wouldn’t let that stop him from being kind. “My house is no where as large as yours.”

 

“So? I’ve never liked my house; it’s too large, too empty. I rather live in a small apartment than in a villa. I’ve debated convincing my parents to buy me an apartment but they’d buy something expensive and fresh while I want a studio apartment littered with miscellanies things. Don’t worry about your house.”

 

Junmyeon grinned and nodded. “Baek, you’re Korean right?” Nodding the boy made a turn and Junmyeon recognized that they were getting close. “Yeah, adopted.”

 

“You like Korean food still? I think I have some left overs in the fridge.”

 

“Of course I do! I’m not used to real Korean food though. I’ve tried making it myself a few times at home but I’m not sure how it’s supposed to taste like. I’ve gone to some restaurants as well but it never feels authentic. I’m scared to go to a smaller place as well because I can’t speak Korean.”

 

“Ah, I see. I’ll take you to my usual place some time. It’s not much to the world but their food is amazing! But not better than moms.” They parked on the side of the street and walked out with the dogs as Junmyeon took his keys to open the door.

 

They released the dogs and let them explore the house and Junmyeon set down two bowls of water if the dogs got thirsty then searched through the fridge for food and pulled out some steamed buns. “I hope you like pork.” He said and threw them into the microwave to re-heat them before they could eat.

 

Baekhyun seemed timid as he looked around the kitchen with his hood over his mob of blond hair and the sleeves covering his hands as he picked Rice-ball up from the floor and nuzzled his nose into her light fur. “It’s cozy here. If the dogs destroy anything I’ll pay for it.”

 

“It’s fine, and we just got it into place! My mom and uncle have been setting up in here for a while now and it looks more like a home now when we got pictures on the walls and plants.” Baekhyun nodded, smiling at the other.

 

“I wish I could have a house like _this_. We have plants but they refuse to have as many as I’d like. Not like they’re even home.” A ting from the microwave announced the steamed buns as done and Junmyeon took the plate out and set it down on the island then grabbed two bottles of water. “Don’t you think it’s rude, to adopt a kid and then just leave him to grow up on his own? I mean they adopted me because they didn’t have time to be pregnant or have a baby. So they got a three year old and once I was eight they started coming home late or not at all.”

 

“I think it’s wrong. They should take better care of you. You are their child after all. How come no parents seem to know how to raise a kid these days? But think on the positive side, you will never treat your own kids like that.”

 

“I guess.” Baekhyun set the husky pup down a sat across Junmyeon, taking a water bottle and taking down a few mouthfuls. “I hope I’ll be a better parent than what they were to me.”

 

They talked in depth about their families and Baekhyun’s life was void of parental loving or family life. He’d basically raised himself since he found out he liked Yixing and pushed him away. Baekhyun had been alone for years before he found his way to Taeyeon who had a crush on him. Then he’d hung around jock boys and tried his best to survive. That’s when he started hanging with Minseok, he wasn’t as bad as the others, and Luhan was nice when he wasn’t around Zitao or the other jocks.

 

Kris started to hang wit him now and again but when he found out that he was close with Yixing he got scared and distanced himself from him and stuck to Minseok instead. They weren’t great friends, but they hung out enough that he didn’t feel completely alone. Baekhyun would not hang around people a lot after school, sometimes Taeyeon would come over and sometimes a group of cheerleaders and football players went to the mall. But he never felt at home.

 

“I’ve lived for sixteen years and I’ve never felt so at home or loved like when I was with Lay. And I was so rude to him… I just pushed him away, told him I didn’t want to be friends and ignored him. I must’ve hurt him so much; I probably made this whole deal worse by doing that. I just…I wish I could have said sorry and that I loved him. Maybe then he wouldn’t have done it.” Baekhyun was crying again and stuffing his mouth full of steamed pork buns, but it wasn’t sobbing, more quiet sniffling.

 

“His funeral is next week isn’t it? Are you going? You could send a last message. Do you believe in life after death?” The blond just shrugged at all questions, sipping the water and playing with the cap between his fingers.

 

“I believe that energy can’t die and our brains are full of it. I’m a Buddhist, but I do believe our life does not just end when we die. Energy can’t just die out. And you know like those kids that can remember an obscure amount of things from people who have lived before them.” Offering a small smile he leaned closer. “Maybe, just maybe, somewhere in the world a child is born with his distant memories. And he’ll be born into a better family, one that will take care of him and love him like Qian did. He’ll live a happy life and maybe one day your souls will meet again in the future.”

 

Something in Baekhyun’s eyes twinkled with hope before he broke down sobbing, basically running around the island to crash into Junmyeon’s chest and hugging him, making the dogs get up from the floor barking a little and wagging their tails, sniffing their owners legs in question. The brunet just wrapped his arms around him back, hugging him tight and rubbing his back.

 

“Maybe you two were soul mates like in those fantasy books and movies. You were meant to be together, friends or like, boyfriends. But now was just not the time for you to meet? Maybe you two are just too sad to find happiness and love in each other.”

 

He could feel the wet stain of tears on through his sweater but he didn’t care, simply holding him. “How are you so good at this? You sound so logical. Completely crazy, but still like…you know what you’re talking about.” Junmyeon laughed and shook his head.

 

“I don’t know. I guess I had good friends before coming here and I know how shitty life can be so I just try to make it better for others.” Baekhyun burrowed his head into his shoulder and mumbled a small. “Thank you.”

 

Soon they decided to go out with the dogs and Junmyeon asked if he wanted to stay the night, he just had to ask his mom first and Baekhyun agreed. He asked if he could tell her about his situation and the other agreed.

 

Yu-bin agreed without question when she came back home from the store, greeted by two dogs at the door. Baekhyun apologized hundred times and she just laughed and told him it was fine, but that he should move his car into their parking lot if he didn’t want a ticket.

 

They put the leaches on the dogs and made their way out after moving the car. Their conversation now was more light-hearted. Junmyeon had opened up to him about his father and his family situation as well. Meaning Baekhyun and Chanyeol now knew about his abusive father. But it was okay; he trusted the two with it. Not like he didn’t trust the others, he just didn’t know how to bring it up without it seeming like he asked for a pity party.

 

On there walk as the sun was getting lower, casting the sky in shades of orange and pink Baekhyun spoke up. “I think I need a change. Like, starting a new chapter of my life. A new look. Like when girls cut their hair short after breaking up with a boy. I need that. But my hair is pretty so I don’t want it shorter.”

 

“A new color?” Junmyeon asked as he looked up from his phone, his mother was texting him that they could take her double bed to sleep in and she would take his single and that food was on the stove to simply reheat when they got back.

 

“Yeah, I don’t want brown though that’s boring. No offence, you look pretty in brown hair. But I don’t feel like a fun color like pink, it feels a little insensitive right now.”

 

“Black? Or is that too cliché?” Baekhyun smiled and shook his head. “I think black will be perfect. You’d fit in black I think, your complexion fits with anything really.”

 

“Oh, thank you. I’ve never colored m hair before…” Baekhyun lit up. “Please let me color your hair Jun? We can do it together! To start a new, leave all bad things behind and try to go forward.” Junmyeon giggled at the idea.

 

“That sounds like something from a teenage movie.” He said and Baekhyun grinned widely shrugging his shoulders.

 

“Yeah it does, it sounds really cheesy, but it’d be fun?”

 

“Let me just ask my mom.” After stopping to sit on a bench to rest he called his mom and Baekhyun played with the dogs a little, half listening to the conversation. Hanging up he turned to the other with a smile. “She said I could. So let’s run to the department store before they close. We can buy some box dye. I have six dollars with me?”

 

“I have eight.” They smiled and nodded, half running with the dogs to a store that sold hair dye and choose a black they liked and paid for one bow, hoping it’d be enough for two.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Junmyeon had told his mother about what had happened to Yixing and they, together with Baekhyun talked about the situation and Yu-bin said that the other was welcome to come over whenever. She also wrote a small letter and bought flowers for Junmyeon to give to Yixing’s mom. Yu-bin knew the pain of realizing your own husband inflicted pain onto your child. Maybe not to her extent, but she could help with coping somewhat.

 

Baekhyun drove them to school the next morning, leaving the dogs at Junmyeon’s place to pick up later. They listened to the radio and he told Baekhyun to tell him if anything felt wrong. He nodded, the now silky black hair hanging down over his eyebrows. They were about the same size in clothes so Baekhyun borrowed a sweater to wear.

 

They didn’t have any classes together but the other would call Junmyeon when he had lunch so they could eat together. But first Junmyeon had to do something. The first class went by quickly and Kyungsoo interrogated him about Baekhyun and his chin had dropped to the floor when he saw his black hair, quietly asking if this was Baekhyun’s fault.

 

Junmyeon explained and told him “they were starting over” and the other seemed a little weary still but accepted the reply and reason. When lunch rolled in he grabbed the flowers and letter from his locker and walked out to the yard to the usual table Zitao would sit at. He didn’t know where Yixing lived so he had to go through the Chinese clique even if his hands trembled as he approached. But he spotted Yifan sitting with them, talking calmly to Minseok when Luhan kicked his foot from underneath the table and cocked his head to the approaching boy.

 

Yifan who was the only one not facing his way turned around and his eyes went wide and jaw dropped at the sight before him. Junmyeon had pitch black hair that shone in the sun light like it was made of the finest silk and the slightly over sized knitted pastel sweater showing his collar bones didn’t make it better. He looked like freaking angel approaching and he choked on his breath as Luhan told him to stop gaping and Junmyeon offered him a smile before sitting down next to him before turning to Zitao.

 

He bowed his head and clutched the flowers in his small hands. “I know I’m probably the least person you want to see right now but I am here because my mother sent me to give these flowers and letter to Mrs. Zhang.” Looking up the blond looked at him neutrally. “I don’t know where she lives and I thought you we’re close and I hope that you could deliver them for me or tell me the address?”

 

“Why a letter?” Zitao asked, picking at his food with his fork. Junmyeon bit his bottom lip, debating to spill his tragic back-story or not. It could be another way for Zitao to get back at him and humiliate him. But fuck it. He said a mental sorry to Yifan for not telling him before.

 

“My mother thought that maybe they could have some things to talk about. Their husbands have been mistreating their children and even if I am not dead they have both suffered and could help each other. She explains it in the letter, together with her phone number and email.” Everyone sat quietly at the table, Yifan moving his hand to rest on his thigh, gaining his attention and Junmyeon felt his stomach turn at the sad look in his eyes.

 

“I need a reply Tao, please. Could you do this for my mother, for Mrs. Zhang? This is not for me I am just the messenger.” Zitao nodded. “I will, plus. You’re not the least person I want to see. Maybe like, still on my top ten list but there are worse people than you.” Junmyeon couldn’t help but smile as he laid the flowers and letter on the table.

 

“Thank you, I’ll tell my mom that it’ll be delivered. I’m also so sorry for what happened, I know it doesn’t do much to tell you that. But don’t let this effect you too much, please.” He bowed again to show his respect before hurrying off to meet Baekhyun so he didn’t have to sit alone with the rest since he knew the history they had together.

 

Yifan watched after him, heart beating at a irregular pace in his chest and his cheeks were pink. He looked amazing in black hair and he swallowed thickly. And he thought the other couldn’t get any cuter. Letting out a shaky breath he turned to the others and Zitao also looked after Junmyeon, but something in his eyes had changed.

 

“Was…Is Junmyeon abused?” Minseok whispered, eyes flickering over the people around the table. “Has he told you anything Kris?” The blond shook his head and frowned.

 

“We haven’t been friends that long after all. But…when I met with him And Yeol when I told him about that Tao was the one messing with him he had this bruise on his wrist that came from ne of the football players and he said he’d had worse, It rose some red flags but I didn’t want to pry.”

 

“Oh my God… why is this shit happening to everyone?” Luhan muttered and ran his hands through his hair with a groan and Zitao looked down at his food then the flowers. Yifan looked at him and wondered what his former best friend was thinking about.

 

 

* * *

 

 

A few days passed and Yixing’s funeral had passed along with them. Qian and Yu-bin met up once a week to talk and cope. Sometimes at her house, some times theirs. Rodney was sentenced to seven years in prison, way too short if you asked any of the others involved. A lot of tears had been shed and his friend circle was adjusting to having Baekhyun around who had started to act differently. He didn’t need to put an act on now and he was unsure of who he really was.

 

Junmyeon had found himself growing closer to Baekhyun everyday and they would hang out after school with or without the others. Baekhyun had also been staying at his house a lot since he disliked being alone and his mom didn’t mind having two dogs or another boy in the house as long as she got to sleep during the day.

 

But, the boy was happily unaware of the drama he’d caused between himself and the others. Until Chanyeol came over to work on there art projects that were due next week. He had been unusually pouty and angry. “What’s with you lately?” Junmyeon asked as they sat in the couch downstairs, he himself picking out color samples of paper as Chanyeol cut up small stars.

 

The redhead stopped and put down the scissors and looked at him. “I don’t like that you and Baekhyun are together all the time.” He said honestly and turned to face him. “He’s a bad person and I don’t like that you two are becoming friends. He’s going to hurt you.”

 

“Yeol, he won’t do that. If you gave it a shot and actually tried _talking_ to him at lunch you’d realize he’s not like that at all. He was around the wrong company–“

 

“He still did all those things to Soo! It doesn’t change it if he did it to fit in, he did them and Soo was really hurt.” Junmyeon put the samples away, straightening his back. “I’m not saying that this ereases what he’s done in the past but he’s trying to redeem himself. Yeol, he got _no one_ except me right now.”

 

“What if this is just another fucking joke Tao made up? What if they are still out to get you? Baekhyun could be lying for all you know.”

 

“Yeol he wouldn’t be lying about this unless he is really sick and he’s too young to come up with this kind of scenario just to mess with me. And I do not appreciate that you all still treat him bad when he’s obviously struggling right now!”

 

“It’s like you’re replacing us with Baek! You’re always around him now and I really don’t like it! He called Soo a freak for being asexual.” Junmyeon flinched when Chanyeol raised his voice and the other seemed to understand what he did because he bit his lip and dropped his head in guilt.

 

“I’m not replacing you. Baek is having a hard time and he no one Yeol. His parents don’t care about him, they are never home and the last real friend he had was Lay and after finding out he had feelings for hi he pushed him away because he was scared. He blames himself for not being there for Lay when he needed someone and…and he said he wanted to die when I found him crying in the bathroom, he was close to end his own life too because Lay was the last straw for him. He feels so guilty. Would you like me to ignore him and watch him go as well? Is that what you want me to do Yeol?”

 

The room was stiff and silent. You could probably cut the air with a knife as Junmyeon stared at the tall boy next to him, almost shaking in fear and anger. “No..” Chanyeol muttered and looked at the cut out stars in earthy hues on the coffee table.

 

“Then please treat him better. You don’t have to be friends but consider his feelings. He needs my help right now and I won’t turn my back to someone who needs me. I’ve been through hell Yeol, you know if anyone, and I won’t let Baek die. I won’t let more people hurt…”

 

“I’ll accept him being around if he apologizes for the things he’s done. And that he as changed.” Junmyeon nodded quietly. His hands were still trembling, hearing Chanyeol raise his voice scared him more than he’d like to admit and he hated that he was afraid of someone he was so comfortable around.

 

Chanyeol seemed to notice how the other seemed conflicted and looked almost…angry. “Jun…are you okay? I’m sorry if I made you upset I’m just looking out for the others, you too.”

 

“It’s not that…I’m mad at myself. I’m scared.” With his back straight and eyes cast o the floor he sat there shaking his head, trying to get bad thoughts out of his head.

 

“What are you scared of?”

 

“…you.”

 

His voice failed him as he spoke and he curled in on himself in shame. Chanyeol had been the one to but his own issues to the side to tend to him in the past and here he was, frightened over the fact that he spoke a few octaves above average.

 

The fact he couldn’t help it either made him shake even more and he gripped Chanyeol’s pant leg with a trembling hand and the other placed a hand on his head to soothe out the black locks. Letting out a dry sob he leaned forward, shoulders hunched up to his ears and eyes closed.

 

Flashbacks of his father speaking to him in the living room as if nothing was up then after a angry phone call in the kitchen he came out and struck him across the face, the red imprint of a hand glowing an alarming color on his paling skin and tears rolling down his cheeks. Hiding in his room when he heard the impatient movements from downstairs and climbing out on the roof on late nights to hide.

 

“Jun, why are you scared of me?” His voice was calm and quiet, as if speaking to a spooked animal as his hand massaged the back of his neck and other hand resting over the one clutching onto his pants.

 

“It’s–it’s silly, really….you raising your voice, reminds me of my dad..” Letting go of the now crumbled up wrinkly sweatpants.

 

“It’s not silly. I’m sorry for raising my voice. I won’t do it again; I don’t want to scare you. Come here.” He coaxed Junmyeon into his arms and they sat on the couch hugging for a few minutes until the raven could think rationally.

 

“I’ll try to be accepting of Baek. Because we don’t want anything more to happen. One death is enough and I promise you we won’t let it happen to anyone more we know.”

 

Junmyeon pulled back, simply sitting with his head leant against the other’s shoulder and listened. “You’re almost like our mom, looking out for us and adopting new kids that are in trouble. If you finally get your shit together and ask Kris out will he be the dad?” They both started laughing and the redhead was glad his try in easing up the mood worked. “Shut up.”

 

“But really though, thank you for taking care of us. Even if no one asked for it. Kai really looks up to you and we all love you and we wouldn’t go against your will. If you think that Baek is a different and better person then we will try. For you.”

 

Chanyeol asked him if his dad had tried to contact him again, thankfully no, he hadn’t. But he feared the day he’d meet him again. His mother was seeking for a divorce and had the papers delivered to their old house so they would eventually go to court. They were also filing a report about child abuse to the police and they would have to meet in court.

 

“Are you going to tell the others?” Shrugging his shoulders, cutting out crappy trees in thick cardboard he looked back up at Chanyeol. “Some day.”

 

“And..how is your mental health? You’re not having any dumb thoughts right?” Ever since telling Chanyeol about his personal problems he’d been watching over him and checked up on him now and again. “I’m fine, thank you Yeol. We’re all fine now. Right?”

 

Without another word they sought out each other, cuddling up to each other and just quietly looking around the room as the playlist they made for studying. Letting out a breath he let the musky smell of Chanyeol’s cologne comfort him again. “I’m sorry, I feel safe around you. I do. I just, loud noise in general scares me.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

It felt like it had been weeks since he and Yifan last hung out with all the commotion happening around them. But today Kyungsoo and Baekhyun were having a dinner where he was going to apologize and talk it all through. The rest were watching a movie so he decided to check up if Yifan was free, and he was. His mother worked so they decided to have a sleep over and he was finally able to tell Yifan he returned his feeling.

 

Things had been going good the last few days even if attending Yixing’s funeral was devestating

 

They were walking in the cool evening air, arms brushing together as they walked closer and closer. They both laughed and talked on and on about nothing, just enjoying the fleeting moments of happiness as the sun set. It was a perfect setting to confess and it felt like they were a part of one of those cheesy Korean dramas he watched to keep the language fresh in his mind.

 

So he slowed down and Yifan did the same, looking at him curiously. Junmyeon’s cheeks went completely red as their eyes met and he had to look down. “Uhm… you know, I never got to tell you this before, because things came up. But I need to tell you this.” He had promised Yixing to do it as well after all.

 

“I–I like you. Like you like me? I’ve been thinking a lot about hugging and kissing you and I hope it’s okay and that you still like me because if not this is really awkward. So, like…I don’t know how these things work but, are we like, dating now?” Junmyeon asked, peeking up through his dark bangs and Yifan just stared at him with the largest smile he’d seen on the boy since meeting him and his heart skipped a little beat as their eyes met again and he smiled back shyly.

 

“Hell yeah. I mean yeah.” He flushed and Junmyeon giggled, reaching to take the other’s hands in his. “So, we’re boyfriends now?” Junmyeon asked and Yifan nodded mutely, still grinning.

 

“Does that mean I can kiss you? Like, right now?” The blond asked, running his thumb over Junmyeon’s hand he realized just how large they were compared to Junmyeon’s, they literally covered them whole. Blushing he nodded and after swallowing and licking his dry lips he leaned down to peck on Junmyeon’s pink ones, his stomach doing flips as their lips shyly pressed together in small kisses before they pulled away.

 

Junmyeon’s whole face was burning up and Yifan seemed just as embarrassed as they stood there, eye locked together, holding hand as the sun sunk deeper behind the buildings. The shorter fidgeted, moving a step closer to wrap his arms around the Yifan’s mid section, resting his head on his chest. “That was easier than I thought it would be.” The brunet giggled and looked back up at Yifan who wrapped his arms around him as well, laughing softly.

 

“Does this mean I can take you out on dates? I don’t have that much money but we could still do fun things when summer comes around.” Junmyeon nodded and pressed closer to his chest and stood on his tiptoes to press another kiss to the corner of the other’s mouth.

 

They both grinned at each other. Yifan’s hart skipped a beat as he looked down at Junmyeon in his star wars hoodie, black hair tussled and messy and cheeks glowing as he smiled. He choked on his own breath and he tightened his embrace, slowly letting go when Junmyeon lowered down on his feet, moving to entwine their fingers together.

 

“Do you want to go back home? We could watch a movie and eat dinner. Mom said we could order Pizza.” With a nod they turned and walked back the way they came from hand in hand. They continued to talk, almost skipping down the pavement to his house. His mother had already left for work, which left them by themselves.

 

“I don’t have many movies on DVD but you could find something. I don’t own any horror. Mostly comedy or romance. I also have all star wars movies. I’ll order the pizza.” Junmyeon said and looked at the little menu they got at a restaurant they liked. They decided to share a peperoni pizza since Junmyeon knew he wouldn’t eat more than half and Yifan said he could eat what was left. “Okay!”

 

With the pizza on its way they set up the movie, a romantic comedy that Junmyeon had probably seen twenty times already but Yifan seemed excited since he hadn’t watched it before so they got glasses and the pre bought soda.

 

They brought a blanket to the sofa and turned the movie on while they waited for the pizza, small talking about school and life and themselves. After all they didn’t know that much about each other yet but it was fun, Junmyeon loved getting to know more little things about Yifan. Like that he slept with the plush he won at the arcade and after admitting it he went as red as a traffic light. Thankfully the doorbell rung and Junmyeon got up to pay for the pizza then locked the door and hurried over to the couch to sit back and lean against Yifan as he took a slice of pizza.

 

Yifan scarfed down a third of the pizza after Junmyeon ate his part and said he was full. Honestly the dark haired boy was surprised by how much the other could stomach, but he was taller and larger built than him so maybe that was just natural. “I never thought a person could eat that much!” Junmyeon laughed and leaned into the other’s shoulder.

 

“I’ve always been able to eat a lot. I do some sport and I’m just tall. Maybe if you ate as much you’d get taller.” Feigning a gasp Junmyeon slapped his arm lightly and Yifan laughed, wrapping his arm around his shoulder and pulled him closer. They both stopped and went quiet, simply looking at each other for a while before Yifan spoke up.

 

“Is…is this okay? Like, you’re okay with us dating?” Worried that Junmyeon would change his mind about wanting to be his boyfriend, after all Zitao must have scared him off. But the other day when Junmyeon came to talk to Zitao they both seemed to handle it well and he was proud of both.

 

“Of course. I initiated it, didn’t I? I thought of it for a while and Lay even talked about it with me. Not to lead you on if I wasn’t interested. But it was all just so much with the drama with the fake Liam account it was stressful. But it’s settling, even if people are still rude I think the worst is over. People will probably target me again now when I got…a boyfriend.” It was so odd to say it and the word itself made butterflies flutter in his stomach and he loved it.

 

“Okay. Well, I’ll protect you from those dick bags.” Junmyeon snorted and nuzzled closer moving to curl up a little and lean against his side, wrapping his arms around his legs. “Thank you… I’ve–I’ve never been in a relationship before so sorry if I like, mess up on some things. All I know is like, things from movies.”

 

“I’ve never been in a real relationship either. So we can figure it out together. But next weekend I want us to go on our first real date.” Yifan bit his bottom lip. “Can I kiss you again?”

 

Junmyeon nodded, sitting on his knees to reach up to Yifan as they leaned in to press their lips together carefully and the taller pulled him closer, carefully coaxing him to lean against his chest as he turned to face him. Their lips slotted together and hands fumbled over fabric.

 

The movie was still running, the emotional beautiful ending playing with dramatic music as they topple over with Junmyeon on top of Yifan, giggling as he pulled himself up to press their lips together again in chaste kisses. His large hands ran down is body to his hips, hoisting him up higher and lifting one leg to press against his butt. With slightly shaking hands the blond placed them over his ass through his sweatpants and pulled away. “I–is this okay?”

 

“Yeah.” Junmyeon replied in a breathy tone, fingers shyly running through the other’s hair. His dark roots were starting to show. Swallowing he licked his lips and leaned back down to press more kisses to Yifan’s pouty lips. He’d dreamed of doing this for weeks now and here they were, kissing in his living room couch.

 

The after text of the movie started playing together with the soundtrack of the movie as they continued to kiss and Yifan felt a little daring, letting his tongue peek out from between his lips and run over Junmyeon’s bottom lip then nipping at it. His whole body shuddered at the sound it elicited from the raven-haired boy on top of him and his hands groped at his ass harder.

 

“Kris…” He whispered under his breath and shifted on top of him, resting their foreheads together as he caught his breath. “Was it too much? We can stop.” Yifan murmured, reaching up to caress the other’s hair, eyes looking deeply into the warm hues looking back down on him.

 

Junmyeon was out of breath and almost trembling on top of the other boy as he shook his head no, wanting more but he was scared. “I–you seem so sure of what to do. I’ve never kissed anyone–never kissed anyone _seriously_ before, that I like…got feelings for. What if I screw up….” Yifan chuckled and sat them back up on the couch.

 

“We’ll take it slow. We don’t have to do more than kiss like this right now until you feel ready to take the next step and try more…daring things.” Junmyeon clung to the other. “I liked it though.”

 

Yifan’s lips were softer than Jongdae’s and way more plush. It was like drowning in cool silk every time the other moved his lips against his own. Magical was the first word that came into his mind when they held each other and he never wanted it to end.

 

“You want to continue?” With a shy nod their lips pressed together again and Yifan held him close to his chest. Junmyeon started to slip, kisses turning lazy and slower as he began to feel tired, almost falling sleep where he was seated in Yifan’s lap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact y'all, i got a tongue piercing !!! it's healing well and i'm so happy oooh, also i'm drowning in school work rn but i have a 4 day weekend and im going to sleep and write and do yoga.
> 
> i may go back and edit this chapter later on bc i'm not entirely happy with it but i've kept you waiting for so long. hope you liked the chapter!!! and wOw krisho finally getting it on!!! so it's ending on a little happy note this time
> 
>  
> 
> Playlist for this chapter:
> 
> Rhianna - stay
> 
> muse - unintended 
> 
> of monster and men - sinking man
> 
> we the kings - sad song
> 
> Eric Clapton - tears in heaven
> 
>  
> 
> 2ne1 - goodbye
> 
> ladie's code - I'm fine thank you
> 
> Zico ft. Luna - 사랑이었다 
> 
> exo - promise
> 
> snsd - time machine
> 
> (b.a.p - wake me up)
> 
>  
> 
> Junmyeon:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909337289/  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909337062/  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909337299/
> 
> Yifan:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909337063/  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909337501/  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909337531/
> 
> Chanyeol:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909417356/  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909417318/
> 
> Zitao:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909385930/  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909337698/
> 
> Baekhyun:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/417216352964915425/
> 
> Sehun:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909417286/
> 
> Luhan:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909338340/
> 
> Minseok:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/457748749607839783/


	7. stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> !trigger!  
>  mentions of and attempt at rape/sexualassault

Junmyeon had gathered everyone in his friend circle to his house because he had to come clean and it was easier to tell everyone at the same time. Well spare Chanyeol and Baekhyun he’d already told them, Yifan knew bits and pieces but not the full story.

 

They were all in a somber mood when they sat in the living room, Yifan had his arm wrapped around Junmyeon’s shoulders, pulling him into his side and Baekhyun sat with his puppy in his lap. Some were on chairs dragged there from the dining table and the rest crammed on the sofa. It felt weird having so much attention on him and he eventually spoke up.

 

“Please don’t be mad at me for not telling you earlier but I guess I was scared you’d reject me or pity me. I mean I know you’ll pity me, it’s natural but honestly I’m okay so try not to think of it too much. I didn’t want to come off as a attention seeker either.”

 

“It’s okay, we’ll try our best Jun.” Seulgi encouraged, smiling at him and Irene held her hand. Junmyeon smiled back at her and nodded, taking Yifan’s hand in his not to fidget too much while he spoke.

 

“Okay, Chanyeol and Baekhyun knew prior to this and I’ll bring it up the thing with Yeol later. But uhm, I guess there’s no easy way of saying this except that I was abused by my dad.” He could almost feel the wave of sadness hitting him and he swallowed a lump in his throat. 

 

“Since I was around six I think it was, he started lashing out and at first it was just verbally. Telling me i was a mistake and a leech, sucking them dry from money. I learned the past years we had plenty money, though. But yeah, he called me things and I started to think of myself as less, but i was young so I thought that it was normal. It wasn’t until when i started grade school he started hurting me physically. When I got my first A on a test he slapped me so hard I fell.”

 

Yifan’s hand tightened around his shoulder and he noticed the distress in Sehun’s eyes. He took a deep breath and continued. “It took a while after that until it happened again and I thought maybe he regretted it and felt bad. But once when mom was working late he had been drinking and I was doing my homework and he beat me until I cried. I had a really bad bruise on my shoulder and I was scared.”

 

“I only had three friends back then. Key, Minho and Jisoo. I was out swimming with Jisoo once when we were younger and I didn’t want to take my shirt off first and he tried to tell me I had nothing to be embarrassed about because even if i had a little bit of a tummy it was cute. So I took it off and I had bruises all over my chest, I told him about it and he wanted to tell his mom but I was so scared and cried, begging he wouldn’t. I just didn’t want to be more of a bother. It got revealed to my friends one after one.”

 

“I felt so bad when I was in my teens I considered just...ending it all.” Everyone visibly stiffened and Yifan hugged him tighter. “It just hurt so much that my own dad didn’t love me and it...I just didn’t feel like I belonged.”

 

“But it crashed this christmas. My mom said she was out with a friend and wouldn’t be home until later. At this point I used to lock my door, climb out the window and sit on the ceiling to come away from him. And when I heard him slam the door shut from his office upstairs I panicked because I knew he was going to come down and I couldn’t run past him up to my room.”

 

Tears burned in his eyes and he blinked them away, sniffling quietly then receiving a kiss to his temple by Yifan. Tulip started to whine and jumped up into Chanyeol’s lap who happily petted the little dog. No one said anything so he took up where he left.

 

“He slapped me and pushed me to the floor, I was so scared I thought he was going to kill me. I started crying and he yelled at me for being a sissy and a disgusting mistake while punching me in the stomach for a while. Eventually he stopped but I could barely move. He grabbed his jacket and left the house, probably went out to drink or something.”

 

“It’s a little blurry what happened between that and when my mom rushed up to me but I hadn’t moved. I was scared and my body hurt so much I just stayed on the cold floor. Mom thought someone had broken in and was crying as she looked over my bruised eye and bleeding lip. I think it was the worst thing, it was horrible to see her cry…she kept on asking who did this and I told her it was dad and-and it made it worse.”

 

“I made my mom cry and I felt so bad and tried to tell her it was okay and that if they wanted I could leave. I was so sure they didn’t want me there but mom got angry at me for telling her it was fine and she carried me to my room and started packing.”

 

Going quiet he waited for the reactions and he could see Jongin wiping his eyes, frowning and Irene was trembling in what he guessed was fright. The rest looked rather angry. “Jun...shit-fuck I’m so sorry this happened to you. But you’re okay now right? Like your dad is in jail?”

 

Junmyeon shook his head and some looked genuinely surprised. “Mom is filing a divorce at the moment and he’ll probably get jail time for child abuse but we’re not sure.” He sighed and slumped back into Yifan, feeling tired and drained.

 

“And a few weeks after I came here he found my number and called. That was when I texted you amber, asking if you could come over. I was so scared and my panic attacks get worse when I’m alone because that’s when i’d be hit. But you were busy so I called Yeol, he was the first to know and he helped me calm down from it all.”

 

Chanyeol sent him a supportive smile when he looked his way and Amber cursed. “Fuck, Jun if I had  _ known _ I wouldn’t turn you down I’m sorry…”

 

“It’s fine. It went well. I was just so terrified he’d found out where we lived. But we blocked his number and he hasn’t come in contact with us again since then.”

 

“Thank God for that..” Kyungsoo sighed and helped Jongin calm down. “I’m happy you told us, we can all help you if you need us to.”

 

“Thank you. Really. I’m sorry it took so long for me to open up. It’s hard to talk about.”

 

“It’s fine…” Yifan assured him, caressing his black hair with his fingers, gently massaging his scalp. “Can I come clean as well then?” Junmyeon had heard some of what Yifan had told about his alcoholic parents and he said that his home was a sanctuary for everyone.

 

They all nodded and let him speak. “My parents are alcoholics. Well I’m not so sure about my mom, she’s recovering but she lives with her sister so I haven’t heard from her in a while. My dad is always drunk though, and spends all money on booze and horse betting so we’re not that well set and I’m pretty sure we barely make it paycheck to paycheck.”

 

“My sister Melody lives outside of town though and she knows it’s hard, I’m adopted too, I think it’s a rather shitty move to adopt a child and then start drinking your organs away. But she keeps an eye on me but she lives a little too far away for me to live at her place, plus she has a boyfriend. But maybe once I get my licence I can live there and drive back and forth to school. It’s honestly not that bad, he isn’t abusive, not that abusive. Mostly he’s passed out or too drunk to form understandable sentences.”

 

Again they all fell quiet and everyone just let it sink in for a while before Sehun muttered. “Well we all know what happened to me.”

 

Baekhyun ran his fingers through Riceball’s fur and bit his lip. “My parents are never home. They were never really there and tried to fill it all with material belongings and puppies. They haven’t been home for a month now and I honestly don’t think they’ve ever hugged me. I don’t think they even want me.”

 

“We’re a broken little family huh?” Jongdae hummed with a small smile and they managed to laugh a little. “ I mean we all got each other’s backs. And it can honestly just get better from here right?” Junmyeon managed to smile and nod, leaning his head against Yifan, feeling as if he was a thousand pounds lighter now when he’d told all his friends.

 

He felt happier and it felt even better to have Yifan’s plush lips pressed against his temple and his large hand caressing his fingers. Junmyeon found himself falling deeper and deeper in love every moment they were together, never wanting to leave his warm embrace.

 

But well, he had to eventually. He Jongdae and Chanyeol were going to a party after the game tonight and Yifan wasn’t going, because his parents were alcoholics the thought of being around drunk students wasn’t very appealing. Junmeyon understood and they all had tried tried talking him out of it since it still ahdn’t settled with the rumours. They still threw nasty comments at him and sometimes send him the pictures on messenger, but it didn’t bother him as much. He had supportive friends around him.

 

But he wanted to go and after all two of his friends, two of his very protective friends, would be there and Chanyeol promised not to leave his side. The redhead was just there for free beer and Junmyeon was curious about how a actual party looked like.

 

Eventually Yifan caved and said that he had to call him afterwards so he could sleep calmly. Junmyeon sealed the promise with a kiss. He didn’t plan on drinking if there only was beer because the one Chanyeol gave him tasted like shit.

 

They all hung out at Junmyeon’s house until they headed out to the game. Irene and Seulgi were going on a weekend trip so they said goodbye, but the rest of them left back to the school. Jongdae had left an hour early to get ready with the cheer squad.

 

Their school ended up winning and they all cheered as Luhan made the last goal, pumping his fist in the air as the horn went off and they won by 42-40. Junmyeon cheered loudly with Amber and Chanyeol, Yifan just grinned at how adorable he looked.

 

Eventually running down from the bleachers they hugged Jongdae who stood talking by the side as the football players went to change. Looks like Taeyeon would host a victory party. The blond smiled widely at them and hugged them all, hesitating a bit before smiling shyly and wrapping Baekhyun in a tight hug as well. They hadn’t talked about it yet but they both wanted to keep as friends so it’d come eventually, maybe when Baekhyun had healed further. 

 

Yifan had an arm wrapped around Junmyeon’s shoulders as they talked to Jongdae and eventually Minseok and Luhan walked up to them. “You ready to party?” Luhan whooped and high fived Chanyeol. The redhead was trying out next year for the team.

 

“I guess.” Junmyeon smiled and leaned up to look at Yifan, caressing his arm gently. “If you’ll let me go.” He murmured and stood on his toes to kiss him. Luhan made a pretend gag noise and the black haired boy went red as he got back to his feet and pouted. 

 

“Mhm...just look after him ok, make sure he gets home unharmed.”

 

“We will calm down Kris! Maybe he’d be left alone if he had a letter jacket to wear with your name on it.” Minseok sighed, nudging Luhan with his elbow who snickered.

 

“I’m a basketball player not a football player okay? Nice try though. You might have hooked Yeol but it’ll take more than that to get me to try out.” Yifan said and kissed Junmyeon’s head a last time before letting go of him.

 

“Have fun okay, don’t forget to call me.”

 

Junmeyon had to laugh at his nervous nature and nodded. “Don’t worry, you be careful on your way home as well.” They waved goodbye and he left with Chanyeol, Jongdae, Minseok and Luhan to the party, getting in Luhan’s car.

 

The moment Junmyeon set his foot inside the house and his whole body pounded with the bass and it smelled, he knew this wasn’t something he wanted to go to regularly. Jongdae disappeared quickly to talk to his cheer squad and the other two went to celebrate with the team, which left him and Chanyeol. 

 

“What about getting something to drink?” Chanyeol shouted over the music and grabbed his hand, heading to the kitchen, bumping into a few people and some people looked at Junmyeon with disgust. Some probably called him something vile but he couldn’t hear over the music.

 

He followed and when Chanyeol handed him a glass he sniffed the liquid and scrunched his nose up in distaste. “It’s probably cheap beer but you could try and if you don’t like it you could try the cider!” Junmyeon nodded and sipped it and he almost spit it back out. It tasted sour and he shook his head.

 

“I’ll take cider!” He shouted and went to grab a glass with cider instead and it tasted much better, disgusting still, but at  least it had some fruity taste to it. Chanyeol laughed and nodded, they lingered in the kitchen for a while, talking to a few people and drinking a few glasses. But eventually they moved out to find somewhere to sit but everything was occupied. 

 

“What about dancing? Do you think Kris would kill me if I danced with you?” Junmyeon laughed and shrugged. 

 

“Sounds fun though!” Maybe he had consumed enough alcohol to let loose a little and the music was good even if it was unbearably loud. They shuffled into the small group of people dancing in the living room and moved with them. Junmyeon grinned and awkwardly danced with Chanyeol for a while. He wondered how long they had been here for, it didn’t feel like more than an hour but when Chanyeol checked his phone it was soon midnight.

 

“I have to piss! Stay in here so I can find you later okay?” Junmyeon nodded and watched Chanyeol push through the now larger mass of people. For a minute he danced alone but then started to withdraw when he felt a hand around his wrist.

 

Looking back he was met by a guy with dark hair and sound eyes, he had a bit of a stubble and he wore some shirt with a school he didn’t recognize. “Yes?” Junmyeon asked, a little scared as he tugged at his wrist but the stranger didn’t let go.

 

“Calm down! I just wanted to dance with you a little. Here, have a drink.” He said and Junmyeon looked at the blue cup. He’d been drinking cider out of them so he moved a little closer and took the cup.

 

“Thank you. I-I don’t know though I’m waiting for a friend.” Junmyeon said, sipping the cider and frowning at the bitter taste, this one was worse than the beer even so he lowered it.

 

“I can keep you company until he’s back yeah?” The boy said and moved closer, lifting his hand and suddenly his shirt was wet. In his toxicated mind he looked down to see the cider spilled down the front of his shirt and he frowned. 

 

“My shirt…” He muttered and the boy sighed. 

 

“I’m sorry I’m so clumsy, let’s go to the bathroom and get a towel for you.” Junmyeon just nodded and let himself be pulled through the mass of people, bumping into someone and muttered a sorry before he was dragged up the stairs, barely able to keep up with the other’s quick walk.

 

Zitao turned around just in time to see who bumped into him when he saw Ken walk up the stairs and his whole body froze and he could hear his heart beat quicker in his chest. What was he doing here? He’d probably sneaked in within the later hours when people were drunk. 

 

He saw Junmyeon walk behind him and suddenly he came back to reality as he snapped his head around. Where was Chanyeol? Zitao desperately looked for the familiar vibrant red hair but saw nothing, then his eyes noticed the familiar male cheer uniform and he hurried over to him, ignoring that he dropped the red cup to the floor and a girl swore at him for staining her shoes.

 

“Jongdae where is Chanyeol!?” 

 

Junmyeon frowned when the door closed behind him and he looked at the bed. “This isn’t a bathroom silly it’s a bedroom.” He slurred and smiled, turning to walk back out when he felt two rough hands grabbed his shoulders and he was pushed backwards as a dry pairs of lips pressed against his. The smaller whimpered and tried to push him off but Ken was maybe two times bigger than him in muscles.

 

Hitting his fist weakly against his shoulder he tried to get him off before he was pushed to the bed and he cried out for help only to get his pants pulled down his thighs and a hand over his mouth. It made it hard to breathe and he tried to scream but the sounds were muffled.

 

He was panicking. The stubble and dry lips scratched his neck uncomfortably and he shuddered. It felt disgusting and all he could do was weakly squirm and cry as a hand went into his underwear. 

 

Junmyeon shook his head and began to trash only to get a slap to his cheek and he went still. “Stay like that bitch.” Ken hissed and he started sobbing quietly, gasping for air and he was scared of doing anything. He completely spaced out, his mind swimming with old memories of his dad and the abuse.

 

It felt as if he wasn’t getting any air, maybe it was the lump forming in his throat or the fact that the stranger was sticking his tongue down his throat. Junmyeon shook his head and whimpered, trying to scream but the sound got stuck in his throat when a rough dry hand pushed into his underwear and at that moment Junmyeon bit down on Ken’s bottom lip hard.

 

The act earned him another slap to the same cheek. He wanted Yifan, he wanted to be in his arms, listen to his heart beat steadily in his chest. Junmyeon wanted to be with Yifan. He’d been right about not coming here, he should have stayed home, he should have stayed home with Yifan.

 

“Get the  _ fuck _ off of him!” Someone yelled but it sounded so far away, almost as if he was under water, and suddenly the heavy body was gone and he slowly turned his head slowly. Through his blurry eyes he could see Zitao holding the boy down and punching him repeatedly until Luhan had to pull him away, saying something about the cops.

 

Jongdae rushed up to him past the others and Taeyeon came to yell at Ken as well, slapping him across the face. The other wrapped himself around the Junmyeon who just continued to cry, clinging to his friend. He could hear angry yelling from everyone but Junmyeon didn’t dare looking up while Jongdae gently placed him back into his underwear and pulled his pants up back over his hips. “It’s okay Jun...I got you, I got you.”

 

Chanyeol joined in as well and wiped his cheeks. Jongdae left with Zitao and Taeyeon to lead the boy out. “If you show your face again I’ll call the cops.” Taeyeon hissed and then she said something about calling quits. Eventually everyone started to leave, the party declared over by the hostess, and Jongdae called Yifan.

 

“Jun...Jun let’s go downstairs. You should drink something and get some fresh air.” Chanyeol said and slowly helped him to stand up and walked with him down where the others were. “Chen called Kris, he’ll be here soon okay?”

 

Junmyeon just held onto Chanyeol as they walked to sit outside on the cool grass. Taeyeon put a hand on his shoulder and handed him a bottle of water. “Here Jun.” She said softly and sighed, sitting down, shoulders slumping as she looked at the ground. Minseok walked up to him and removed his letter jacket and wrapped it over Junmyeon’s shoulders.

 

He was shivering and Junmyeon looked up at Minseok who sat down next to Jongdae. Zitao and Luhan sat a little to the side speaking in hushed mandarin. Chaneyol made sure he drank his water but his hands were shaking badly and he felt like throwing up. After a few minutes Yifan came rushing on his bike, the wheels making a mark on the asphalt when he stepped on the breaks. “Junmyeon!” He called and the named boy just started crying all over again as Yifan came crashing into him, arms wrapped tightly around him and his cheek was pressed against the blond’s neck as he sobbed.

 

“It’s okay...you’re okay baby it’s fine. I’m here.” Yifan assured him, rocking them back and forth as the rest watched silently. The second Jongdae called him he knew something was wrong and he was already out the door when answering. And when he mentioned someone named Ken had tried taking advantage of Junmyeon it sounded all too familiar and then he set off towards Taeyeon’s house.

 

Glancing over to Luhan and Zitao he could hear them speak in their native language. “Hey.” Zitao looked up, offering a small smile and Yifan smiled back sadly. “Are you okay?” The blond nodded and gestured at Junmyeon with his chin.

 

“You should worry more about him right now.” Zitao said and Yifan hummed, pulling Junmyeon closer to his chest. His past best friend must have gotten some rather bad memories back from seeing Ken again.

 

“Do you want to sleep here? You could use the guest room if you want to.” Taeyeon said and Chanyeol smiled at her. 

 

“No no it’s fine, Jun was sleeping at my place so I’ll just take Yifan as well. We’ll be fine but thank you.” He said and she nodded.

 

“Okay, good. I-how did he even get in? Isn’t he supposed to be in some kind of facility?” She muttered and rested her chin in her hand.

 

“I’m sorry but...who was that?” Jongdae asked and turned to Minseok who made a face and looked at Zitao who let out a sigh. Luhan nudged him and they moved closer to the group.

 

“Ken, he was supposed to graduate last year but had to re-do his grade. But yeah, we were at the same camp last year and we threw some party the last day and he told me to come with him and I thought he was really cool so I agreed. He said something about having cigarettes and I wanted to try. He brought me to a supply closet and yeah...did stuff, but he went further than what he did to Jun, thankfully.”

 

Junmyeon peeked up from Yifan’s shoulder and pushed his boyfriend away only to hold his arms out for Zitao who bit his bottom lip as tears began to gather in his eyes. It was a odd thing hugging the boy that had essentially ruined his reputation, but they both needed it. Zitao buried his face in the junction of Junmyeon’s neck.

 

“I’m sorry...I’m so sorry for the things I did. I-I just...I’m sorry Junmyeon.” He muttered. “I was disgusted by the thought of two men together after that, b-because of him...and I was so scared at the thought that it might happen again I used it to defend myself. I just didn’t want it to happen again.” Junmyeon cried with him as Yifan just caressed his back. The black haired boy hugged Zitao tighter.

 

It made sense. To use it as a defence mechanism. “I was an ass and I get it if you don’t accept my apology...I really regret what I did, what I did to you and that I ruined our friendship Kris. I want to go back...before it all happened. I just-I was scared you’d do something to Kris but after I got to know more and more about you I realized how wrong I was and how...stupid I was.”

 

Junmyeon hugged Zitao tighter, letting out a quiet sob. Yifan sighed and moved closer. “It’s fine, we can talk it all out later. When no one is drunk or crying. We should take you back to Chanyeol’s place Myeon.” He said and Zitao nodded, letting go of the smaller who smiled at him slightly through his tears.

 

“Thank you Tao…” He whispered and Yifan helped him stand up on his weak legs. They said their small goodbyes, Taeyeon hugged Junmyeon tightly and kissed his cheek before his boyfriend sat him on his bike.

 

Yifan steered the bike and Junmyeon held onto Yifan and Chanyeol held onto the boy balanced on the bike as they walked back to his house in silence. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it took so long to update but first I started the krisho fic month (I guess) and I barley had time to write on this and when I finally did my computer crashed and it hasn't been fixed yet so I had to re write the entire chapter which sucked because I had literally written most of it and only needed to add a little more. But I finally was able to update even if it is a little short. However I decided to give this fic 20 chaptpers and I think that it'll be more than enough, it can be less depends. 
> 
> So I hope you could enjoy this chapter even if it was mostly pain!! Also look forward to more tao-tao :(( my lil bby boy gonna be in the next chapter a lot and also some visits from two certain boys! Also more soft krisho because we haven't gotten enough of that yet!! Thank you for reading and I'm sorry to keep you waiting for a whole month what a dick move, but in case you haven't checked out the junmyeon bday project make sure to read the 31 one shots I wrote instead of working on this!! I will go back to updating once or twice a month now forgive me I suck, at least school is over so I can actually write some!! 
> 
> As always thank you for the feedback and views it warms my little heart <3
> 
>  
> 
> playlist for this chapter:
> 
> James Arthur - Can I Be Him
> 
> Veronica Maggio - Hela huset ft. Håkan Hellström
> 
> Martin Garrix & Troye Sivan - There For You 
> 
> Lady Gaga - Untill it happens to you
> 
> Harry Styles - Sign of the Times
> 
>  
> 
> Song Ji Eun - Don’t Look At Me Like That
> 
> Big Bang- Blue
> 
> BTS V - Stigma
> 
> Epik High ft. Lee Hi - It's Cold
> 
> EXO - My lady
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> fashion for this chapter:
> 
> Luhan and Minseok's letter jackets:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/454371049887016016/
> 
> Minseok:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909337127/
> 
> Luhan:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909338324/
> 
> Zitao:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/Acbtbya9orwxoimZHyVWyLso5GE9DoOWK-looMWrETz40hl4B6hfBjA/
> 
> Amber:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909338090/
> 
> Seulgi:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/244249979770425697/
> 
> Irene:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/203858320615480402/
> 
> Chanyeol:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909417360/
> 
> Jongdae:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909338402/
> 
> Junmyeon:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/AYEvVszTgzaQxJ45rcuqvBBFgACUREtYW_2ic4yo0Xlk79i7-fNTQDQ/
> 
> Jongin:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909337661/
> 
> Yifan:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/304555993528380594/
> 
> Baekhyun:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909337368/
> 
> Kyungsoo:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909337653/
> 
> Sehun:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/386394843007926880/


	8. in your arms

The next morning Yifan awoke to Junmyeon jerking and gasping for air and in his half asleep state he blinked and automatically hushed the smaller who seemed to calm down and turned over to burry his face in Yifan’s neck.

 

Junmyeon let out a choked sound as the events of yesterday hit him and he had to look up just to make sure that he was laying next to Yifan. When he was met by tired hooded eyes and a familiar mop of messy blond hair. He let out a shaky sigh and pressed into him, breath quickening until he was hyperventilating, alarming Yifan.

 

“Hey hey, I’m here, it’s okay...you’ll be okay Myeon.” Chanyeol, who had volunteered to sleep on the mattress on the floor, woke up from his deep sleep at the hustle and in a dazed state and stumbled up to his elbows.

 

Yifan looked over at him, concern written all over his face and Chanyeol looked just as bothered. “I’ll get some water.” The redhead rasped out and walked out of his room.

 

Yifan nodded and pulled away to look at Junmyeon, placing a hand over his cheek and then leaned in to press their foreheads together. “Junmyeon. You’re safe.” He whispered and the mentioned boy just whimpered pathetically.

 

“I-I was so dumb...I should have listened to you.” The dark haired boy managed to mutter out. “Why did I think it was a good idea?”

 

“Hey...Myeon you’re not dumb, hear me?” Junmyeon nodded and moved back to hide in the crook of his boyfriend’s neck as Chanyeol returned with three bottles of water and handed two to Yifan who coaxed the smaller to sit up with him.

 

Junmyeon was leaned up against Yifan’s shoulder as he opened the bottle and took a few mouthfuls but he felt sick when thinking about yesterday's events. “I feel disgusting…” He whispered, close to tears again.

 

“You’re not. If anyone is disgusting it’s Ken.” The tone in Yifan’s voice was stern and serious, shocking both boys who looked at the blond who let out a sigh. “I don’t know how many he’ve tried doing those things to but he succeeded with having his way with Tao and I don’t even want to think about what he’d do with you if Tao didn’t see…” 

 

He trailed off and hugged Junmyeon closer, feeling his small body against his and he let out a sigh. “When you said that Tao had his reasons to act like he did..were you talking about this?” Junmyeon asked and pressed his lips against Yifan’s bare shoulder. 

 

“Yeah..” He sighed and ran a hand through Junmyeon’s hair. “I’m sorry I couldn’t really tell you. But I think he’ll tell you more after this. I know he’s upset.” 

 

Junmyeon put his hands over his face and nodded timidly, Chanyeol moved closer and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, you two can take a shower, take some towels and take your time okay? I’ll make breakfast and talk to mom. Do you want me to say anything about…”

 

“No, please don’t do that.” Junmyeon said hurriedly and Chanyeol nodded, showing them to the bathroom and headed to the kitchen.

 

This was the first time he’d be around Yifan and really be naked. He’d changed underwear before him before and been in his boxers but never had he flaunted around naked in front of the other. So suddenly he started to feel a little shy.

 

Yifan helped Junmyeon get into the shower and looked him over, he had a bruise on his left hip but it wasn’t that bad and would probably fade quickly. “Do you want me to join you?” He asked and the black haired boy nodded, blushing a little as he watched Yifan remove his clothes and walked in with him.

 

The taller easily soaked their bodies under the warm spray of the shower and helped Junmyeon clean his body with soap, pumping some into his large hand and then rubbing it over him carefully, paying extra attention to his bruised hip. 

 

“I should’ve been there.”

 

“No, you’d be uncomfortable. I just shouldn’t have been there. Let’s….not talk about it.” Junmyeon whispered and washed the soap of his body, helping Yifan leather up and kept his eyes above his waist as he cleaned him.

 

“Okay I’m sorry.” Yifan said and bit his lip. “Is it okay if I kiss you?” Junmyeon turned around and after a minute he nodded and the taller leaned down to leave a small peck to his lips then pulled away with a tiny smile.

 

“I like it when you kiss me, it’s like removing  _ him _ from my lips. Kris, can you stay at my place for some days maybe?” He was scared honestly. “I don’t know if I should tell my mom or not yet.”

 

“You should tell her, you need to tell her okay? Maybe not straight away but she deserves to know what happened and she could help okay. Tao told his mom and it helps a lot I promise, you’ll just feel worse if you don’t tell her.”

 

“I haven’t even told her we’re dating..” He sighed and turned the water of, stepping out after Yifan who handed him a towel to dry off. It felt somewhat better, like he’d washed off Ken’s dirty touches and taste off his body.

 

Chanyeol had told them to take something from his wardrobe then go to the kitchen when they were done so that’s what they did. Yifan however actually fit in Chanyeol’s clothes since they were pretty much the same size while the shirt Junmyeon took looked like a tunic more than a long sleeved shirt. The redhead grinned as he gestured for the three plates in the TV room with eggs, toast and slightly burnt bacon and Junmyeon laughed. 

 

“I thought you said you could cook before.”

 

Chanyeol laughed and scratched the back of his head. “Yeah I was looking for butter and writing down some lyrics that came to me and I forgot I hadn’t turned the burner down to a lower setting. Hope it’s still edible!”

 

“It’ll probably go don’t worry I’m hungry.” Junmyeon assured him and as they turned on the TV they talked about anything but what had happened yesterday but it didn’t mean none of them thought of it.

 

How should he bring it up to his mother? And how would Jisso, Kibum and Minho react when telling them? As he nibbled on the somewhat burned bacon he went through the conversation he would be having with his mother later and he hoped that Yifan would be there.

 

Junmyeon was jerked out of his thought when  Yifan’s phone sounded and he reached into his pocket to read the message. “It’s from Tao.” He said and coaxed Junmyeon to come closer, leaning against his shoulder as they read it together.

 

Zitao had asked when they could talk about this and maybe he could explain again if Junmyeon had been too drunk to remember and after a few minutes Yifan was told to send out a message asking if Monday was okay. He had to sort some things out at home first.

 

“I want to tell my mom when I get home, will you..be there? I thought maybe I could tell her about us as well..” He muttered and Yifan nodded.

 

“Of course...it’s not even a question.” It was a relief to hear and eventually they said goodbye to Chanyeol who hugged Junmyeon for some time before waving them goodbye. Junmyeon was seated on the back of his boyfriend’s bike, hands holding onto the seat as they biked down the street to his house. 

 

At this point the other knew where Junmyeon lived and easily located his house and he felt his pulse go up when he saw his mother’s and Baekhyun’s cars outside. Biting his lip he jumped off, stumbling a little. Taking a deep breath he took Yifan’s hand and walked to

the door and walked in.

 

“Mom?” He yelled after entering, taking his shoes off and letting go of Yifan’s hand to look for his mom and was met by an excited Rica-ball running up to him and Baekhyun soon followed, smiling. He’d come by now and then, his mother had told him their spare key was hidden outside under the windowsill so he could come in whenever he wanted. Yu-bin was happy to help Baekhyun and she loved having more life at home than just her and Junmyeon. 

 

“She’s upstairs. How was the party?” He asked with a grin that soon fell when he saw how shattered Junmyeon looked and he put Yulip to the floor that he’d been holding and walked closer. “Hey, did something happen?” 

 

“Yeah..uhm, I’m going to tell you and mom, when she comes down. It’s-it’s really bad.” He started choking up again, eyes tearing up and Baekhyun acted quickly, wrapping his arms around him. At that moment his mother came walking down with a smile until she saw her son crying in the hall.

 

“Honey what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” She had always had a soft voice but it was almost a whisper as she approached, Baekhyun making room for her to wipe his tears and hug her son. “You want to sit down?” Junmyeon nodded silently and the four made their way to the sofa, Baekhyun and Yifan sat next to each other while Junmyeon sat with his mother.

 

“M-mom before I start. I-Kris...Kris and I are like..dating.” He said quickly, better get it out now and give her the worse news after that. Maybe if she was repulsed by her son being gay maybe it’d be minimized by what happened at the party.

 

She just smiled though and laughed. “I know honey. I’ve seen you two kiss and hold each other. Darling you’re not exactly discreet.” Both Junmyeon and Yifan flushed darkly, but Junmyeon felt relieved that she didn’t do too big of a deal out of this.

 

“So..you’re fine with me liking boys?” She nodded and wiped his tears from his pink cheeks.

 

“Is that why you’re crying? Were you scared I’d do or say something?” Junmyeon shook his head and looked at Yifan who gave him a sad smile.

 

“I was nervous but...this is about the party I went to last night. I-I kind of drank some cider and I got drunk. It was fine at first though because I was with Chanyeol and I was having really fun. It was nice trying out new things.” His mother frowned, not happy he’d been drinking and still being underage but didn’t say anything yet.

 

“H-he left for maybe ten minutes to go to the bathroom and this-this boy came up t-to me and...and we danced but i spilled my drink on my shirt and he-he told me we could fix it.” Junmyeon was starting to speed up and his breathing went almost erratic and Yifan was worried he’d get a panic attack.

 

“M-mom….he-he tried to take advantage of me.”

 

“He did take advantage of you.” Yifan then said as Junmyeon broke down sobbing, both Yu-bin and Baekhyun were shell shocked by the sudden bomb that was dumped and Junmyeon was a wailing mess curled up on the sofa. “His name is Ken and he has a..record. He must have sneaked into the party but he didn’t get too far. From what my friend Tao said he was only kissing him but he was...progressing.”

 

Yu-bin tended to her son, carefully touching his hair and cheeks, hoping to calm him down a little as she listened to Yifan. “Who’s Tao?”

 

“My friend, Baek knew him a little but he and Jun aren’t that close…he and Chen came to save Jun. He’s been taken advantage of by Ken before but he wasn’t lucky enough to have someone interrupt.” He muttered and Yu-bin gaped, brows slanted back in worry and pity for her son and the boy she’d never heard of. 

 

“My God...Honey, sweetie...mom is here. I’m so happy you told me okay? You’re brave and you’re very lucky. I’m so glad you got away mostly unharmed.” Junmyeon whimpered and pressed his face into her shoulder as he cried.

 

“Why weren’t you there Yifan?” She asked as Junmyeon tried to take deep calm breaths. Baekhyun had moved to get some water for him.

 

“I don’t really like parties, or alcohol. My parents were, well, are alcoholics. At least my dad, I don’t know about my mom.” Yu-bin held her arm out for the blonde who was starting to choke up a little. 

 

He couldn’t remember the last time either of his parents had even looked at him with love. The last time he recalled hugging his mother was in third grade when graduating from his grade. Yifan felt the burning in his eyes as he moved over to sit next to her and she hugged him as well.

 

“Darling you know where the spare key is right?” Yifan nodded, silently crying. “I trust you enough to be here on your own. Plus you’ll probably hang around a lot now that you’re dating my little boy. So you have to be here with him and take care of him okay? This can be your safe place just like it is for Baekhyun.”

 

“Thank you Miss.Kim.” He muttered, voice breaking and Junmyeon reached out to take his hand. 

 

“Please Yifan, just call me Yu-bin.” He nodded and soaked in the feeling of being in a safe environment surrounded by people that actually loved and appreciated him. Baekhyun returned with the water and sat down next to them with Tulip in is lap.

 

“Jun, if you and Tao both have been victims to him and you know who he is you could take him to court. I know they don’t take rape seriously, especially not when it’s men, or gay people for that matter...but you’re two and Ken could be put up for trial and sent to prison.” He said and coaxed Rice-ball to the others. Junmyeon had calmed down a little but he was still hiccuping and wiping his eyes.

 

“Mh..we’ll see. Tao and I are going to talk, he wanted to explain some things.” Baekhyun nodded, knowing what things they were sorting out. He also knew that Yu-bin didn’t know of the pictures or bullying. 

 

Yu-bin sighed then. “My poor baby!” She kissed his head and frowned. “Should I look something up? Maybe a therapist?” Junmyeon shrugged, not really sure if he wanted sessions but she’d tried to convince him to go since they came here.

 

“If you find someone good.” She nodded and kissed his forehead.

 

“What about we go out and eat tonight? Find a nice restaurant and eat something good? All four of us, my treat. I want to get your mind off of things.” Yu-bin hummed, caressing her son’s hair who smiled at her, kissing her cheek.

 

“Yeah, I like that idea. We haven’t gone out in months.” Junmyeon murmured and then spoke up again. “Kris will probably stay here a few days if that’s okay.”

 

“Well it’ll be a little crowded but everyone are always welcome here as long as they clean up after themselves.”

 

 

* * *

 

  

Zitao had toned down his attitude a lot recently and a lot of people had noticed it and when the boys on the football team took it up he had made a snarky comeback and left. Yixing’s passing had been a huge blow and he missed his friend so much. He missed his laugh and just his sweet nature. Zitao wished he was like Yixing more than himself.

 

Was it too late to be nice and humble? Could he pass as friendly after all the shit he’d done. Even if Junmyeon listened to him now, would it matter? Would anyone want to be friends with him and would Junmyeon even listen?

 

While walking down to the arcade he gnawed at his bottom lip nervously and holding the few bills for food in his pocket, he was thinking about buying for all three of them. He knew Chanyeol and Jongdae had been talking to the rest of their friend circle so hopefully he’d get some compassion.

 

Stepping in he could see the two coddling in one of the booths sharing nachos and he offered a small smile when they looked up to him so he carefully took a seat across them. “I was going to bribe with some food but I guess you’re ahead of me with the food.” Zitao hoped to lighten the mood.

 

“I’m sorry I was kind of hungry so we shared something. We can wait if you want to buy anything?” 

 

“I don’t need anything but tell me if you’re still hungry.” Junmyeon nodded, letting out a deep sigh.

 

“So, we’re talking this through?” Zitao nodded, teeth worrying his bottom lip again, trying to think of how to start. “You know, we sat like this before, me and Kris. But he was in your place and Yeol was next to me. Tao I’m here to hear you out and I’m going to say it, I’m not really happy with what you did. It was really unnecessary and mean.”

 

“I know. I was really stupid.”

 

“That doesn’t mean I won’t hear you out and try understand your perspective. I was raised right even if my father wasn’t a good person. You can’t take back what you did but you can explain your perspective to why you did it.”

 

“I’m not going to talk about being taken advantage of you already know it happened and my therapist told me not to bring it up too much. And she does try helping me to let go of the idea that gays are all bad and will do this to me. But it’s working slowly...and being a dick is my kind of self defence mechanism and I say stuff without even thinking sometimes. I’m just scared.”

 

“It’s ok to be scared it’s just bad it has to affect so many other people in a negative way. I do however accept your apology for what you did but I won’t forget what you did. I still have to watch my back wherever I go in close promoxididy to my school and I’m anxious about people from school finding me and harrassing me in public as well as my dad. I’m also really scared.”

 

Zitao winced and looked down. “I know. I know I fucked up, I fucked your life up. I wish I could go back and I wish I was more like Yixing. It all just...sucks.” 

 

“You were kind of like him before the incident. You just need to find your way back and maybe not hanging around the football gang and send snooty comebacks at people will help. I still want to be your friend if you feel like changing. I know you dislike that I like Jun but I hope you can accept that and we could be friends again, I miss you.” Yifan muttered and Zitao nodded.

 

“I’ll work and try my best. Maybe we could all like get along some day?”

 

“I hope so. I believe all people can change with the right people around them.” Junmyeon murmured and leaned into Yifan. “You know, I’m kind of hungry. We could share something.” The younger hummed and poked Zitao with his toes under the table, smiling.

 

The blonde jumped at the touch but grinned and nodded at the suggestion. Letting out a small sigh he glanced back at the two sharing a small kiss. He was glad that Yifan wanted to try continue be friends, he really didn’t know what he’d do if Yifan would never talk to him again.

 

So after getting french fries and burgers for all of them he sat back down and they started up some casual small talk, sometimes bringing the topic up again but mostly trying to keep a cheerful attitude and honestly, Zitao loved it.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Are you still okay with us making out?” Yifan asked as he ran his hands over Junmyeon’s side. They were laying in the latter’s bed kissing and he was scared he’d cross a line. They hadn’t done more than just making out and after the party Yifan had been nervous about going further in case he’d be scared or got turned off by sex now. “I really don’t want to hurt you.”

 

“It’s okay.” Junmyeon whispered and brushed their noses together, using his leg to pull Yifan’s between his thighs. “It’s you. But I’m not ready to, you know..” The blonde nodded and smiled at him gently, pressing a kiss to his nose.

 

“It’s fine, don’t push it. I don’t need more than this from you.” Yifan had a serious tone in his voice and Junmyeon blushed when noticing the close proximity between them but he didn’t have to dwell on it for too long before he was pulled into another deep kiss. 

 

Junmyeon touched his chest with his right hand as the left tracced his neck up to his ears, feeling the small silver hoops and then up to his blonde hair. Yifan hummed and slipped his tongue past his lips and coaxed his tongue into working with his. “Baekhyun and I were talking before....” Junmyeon breathes between kisses before pulling the other closer. “We’re planning on having a road trip this summer.”

 

One hand snaked up the other’s shirt and he hummed, notifying Junmyeon that he was listening as he lazily kissed him then bit his bottom lip, drawing out a small moan. “Do you want to join us? We want to drive to florida.”

 

Yifan nodded, pulling away to look him in the eyes while smiling and massaging his waist. “Sure, sounds really neat. I could use an escape to florida with you.” He grinned and leaned in to kiss him again. “For like the entire summer?”

 

“Maybe, we’ll see. But at least a week or two.” The music playing from his laptop buzzed pleasantly as it changed from Ed Sheeran to Rihanna and Junmyeon could hear Yifan’s heart beat against his ear and feel his fingers painting shapes on the dip of his waist. It felt so calm and all he wanted to do was to stay like this forever, in Yifan’s arms.

 

“I will gladly stay with you in a car with some more. As long as we get to sit next to each other in the back seat.” He purred while slipping his arms around his waist and rolled them over so that Junmyeon laid on his chest. The smaller giggled and kissed his jaw while Yifan pulled his shirt up and touched his back. “So I can touch you and kiss you and keep my hands on you baby.”

 

“Oh shut up.” He punched Yifan’s shoulder and giggled, resting his chin on the other’s chest. “But I would love to cuddle with you in a tent, roast marshmallows, watch the sunrise by the beach and play arcade games.”

 

“Mhmm, sounds wonderful. To just spend all my time with you, never having to let you go.” Suddenly the playlist changed to Taylor Swift’s “wildest dreams” and Yifan gasped. “Oh my god I love this song.” Junmyeon raised his eyebrows to look at him in question and his boyfriend pouted.

 

“Didn’t you like rap?”

 

“I can appreciate other genres too.. And come on it’s a great song! It’s really smooth and her voice is amazing in it!” Junmyeon hid his face in the blonde’s chest as he giggled. “Hey don’t laugh!” Yifan whined and rolled them over and frowned down at the black haired boy who covered his face with his hands as he continued to giggle, only his eyes showing.

 

Yifan could feel his frown ease into a gentle smile as he stared at the small crescents that were Junmyeon’s brown eyes and he could tell by the wrinkles on the edges of his eyes he was wearing a big smile. Grabbing his hands gently he pried them away so Junmyeon couldn’t hide his beautiful smile anymore and he simply stared at him for a few seconds before leaning down and kissing him.

 

“It’s okay, I like her too.” Junmyeon murmured when they pulled away and with a smile sang along to the lyrics, slipping his hands down until they laced together with Yifan’s and the latter grinned as he listened to the sweet honey tunes.

 

With a squeeze to Junmyeon’s hand he leaned down to kiss him again as the music toned out and changed to a song he hadn’t heard before, it was in korean though. “Do you like her more than me?”

 

While caressing Yifan’s hands with his thumbs Junmyeon shook his head and bumped their noses together. “How could I?” Junmyeon puckered his lips and feigned a pout. “Does Taylor Swift take care of me and kiss me?” 

 

“No, that’s my job and I will take so good care of you when we go on that trip. I’ll make sure you have the time of your life baby.” Yifan lifted their hands up to his mouth and he pressed a kiss to his fingers.

 

“You’re too cheesy I’m going to throw up.” Rolling over to his side Junmyeon made pretend gag noises and laughed while Yifan pulled him up to sit and nuzzled into his neck. 

 

“Come on you love it!” Junmyeon hummed and leaned back against his chest nodding a little. “I knew it! You’re in love with me and you love to be soft.”

 

“I love it when you’re acting cute and like telling me you love Taylor Swift.” Junmyeon kicked with his legs and got up from the bed, stretching his stiff body with a hum before reaching out to pull Yifan out of his bed with a grin. “I do kinda love you...what do you say about some arcade games?”

 

“I kinda love you too, and that sounds perfect.” Yifan grinned as they walked down to get their shoes on. Arcade games had become Junmyeon’s new addiction and he had fallen in love with the neon games and the cheap bad prices he won. Yifan still slept with that alpaca plushie in his bed, well right now it was located somewhere in Junmyeon’s room, but he treasured it like it was made of solid gold.

 

They had spent quite a few afternoons in the arcade and Junmyeon had brought home six keychains that were star wars themed, a hideous neon pink shirt saying “Miami beach” in large obnoxious blue and yellow letters with a palm tree on it that he now used to sleep in and an inflatable alien. At least those were the things that Junmyeon treasured, however Yifan was a hundred percent sure Junmyeon only picked and wore that shirt because Yifan hated it so much. They didn’t even live in Miami!

 

But he had to admit that Junmyeon was cute in that god awful shirt. And the genuine happiness on his face was adorable and he got really bouncy when he talked to Joy in the prize section so he didn’t complain at all. 

 

Yifan wasn’t sure how much money they’d spent on these machines but at this point he didn’t really care because it was some cheap fun and he for the first time since forever he felt genuine happiness. He hadn’t been home for two weeks and his dad didn’t seem to care where he was. It was like he could finally breathe. Even when he had Zitao he couldn’t stay for weeks, his mother was busy and a hard working woman and couldn’t have kids running around all the time, but she was really kind.

 

Junmyeon’s mother was also really loving and she loved to fill out the house with people. SHe was used to her large family back in Korea so when marrying Junmyeon’s dad, a American, she was a little surprised by the fact that she was almost always alone at home. No one really brought home any friends except for Junmyeon. Now however most of their family was located in America. 

 

Yifan felt like she was one of the kindest women he’d met since she seemed to take care of every single one that was a little torn at the edges and offered them a happy place. Like him and Baekhyun who were struggling. He really hoped to be like her as a dad.

 

He felt bad for not being able to pay her anything though but he was rather okay at cooking so he had made them dim sum for dinner a few days back when she worked late and Yu-bin had been thankful to come home to a warm meal at four in the morning. Baekhyun was able to pay her hor his stay with the money his parents sent him, mostly for food.

 

However Yu-bin kept telling all of them not to worry and that she had enough money to care for them as well and that they could just relax, but she appreciated the little things they did like cleaning and taking the trash out.

 

Junmyeon was the one to play most the games today and he simply stood behind him, either arms wrapped around his waist or holding the edge of the game as he watched him jump in excitement when he won and whine when he lost. He grinned and pressed kissed to the back of his neck when they were hidden away from other viewers, plus no one played games one hour before closing on a Monday so barely no one were there.

 

What started off as fleeting small butterfly kisses turned into small nips of skin and he even dared to suck the junction of his neck as he was occupied with a game. Junmyeon let out a breathy moan as he leaned his head to the side and glanced around nervously. “Yifan...someone could see, stop.” His cheeks were burning and he had lost the game, tickets spilling out at their feet.

 

Yifan hummed and turned the other around. “No one’s here, can’t I kiss you a little?” Finally Junmyeon turned around and nodded.

 

“But if anyone comes here you have to stop. I won’t risk getting beat up for being gay.” He whispered and wrapped his arms around Yifan’s neck, pulling him down to peck at his lips then smiling at him. “After this let me pick a prize and we can go back home if you want to kiss me so much. I feel like watching a movie.”

 

“Deal.” Yifan said and leaned down to slot their lips together, pressing Junmyeon against the flashing game until he was leaning back. His arms were wrapped tightly around the shorter’s waist as he let his tongue play with Junmyeon’s, rolling them together.

 

From the way Junmyeon so lightly ran his tongue over his bottom lip to the way he held onto his shoulders as his ass pushed up against the edge of the machine and Yifan set one hand on the dirty glass of it as he tilted his head to the side to kiss Junmyeon deeper. His right hand was still holding and supporting Junmyeon’s waist and he felt light headed by the sounds that the latter let out between kisses. Yifan could never get enough of his kisses, they were always so refreshing and caring and Yifan craved them. 

 

Junmyeon let out a sigh through the kiss and scrambled with his legs to get up on the machine until Yifan lifted him up and sat him on the edge. As their mouths pressed together Yifan could feel himself getting a little too excited and he had to pull away before he sprouted a boner in public. Plus he really didn’t want to make Junmyeon uncomfortable.

 

So with a last lingering kiss they parted and they both grinned at each other before walking to the prize booth where Joy greeted them and Junmyeon picked some crappy sunglasses and some candy for his tickets and then they were off back home to spend their night in Junmyeon’s bed until they had to get to school tomorrow. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's an update !!!! god i can't wait to just write some more soft next chapter god they deserve a break! and they gotta kiss a lot and hold hands and be silly :((( i love soft cuddly krisho. anyways this was another fill in chapter between plot points so maybe not the most interesting one. 
> 
> as always thank you for reading and i hope you enjoyed the chaper! thank you for reading!
> 
>  
> 
> Playlist for this chapter:
> 
>  
> 
> John Legend - Surefire
> 
> Coldplay - The Scientist
> 
> Lana Del Rey - Blue Jeans
> 
> Troye Sivan - FOOLS
> 
> Pink - Just Give Me a Reason
> 
>  
> 
> Monsta X - Hero
> 
> IU - Ending Scene
> 
> Red Velvet - Little Little
> 
> BTS Jin - awake
> 
> BIGBANG - Let's Not Fall In Love
> 
>  
> 
> Junmyeon:  
> (the shirt he borrowed from chanyeol) https://www.pinterest.se/pin/AQq4Nj2-Vh2lVZWk7iMx1bGafmKpNmZ52z9UeqhOHU87nqFzvljCw7E/
> 
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249913516593/
> 
> Yifan:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/464152305328731476/
> 
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/305330049720614261/
> 
> Chanyeol:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909417350/
> 
> Baekhyun:
> 
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909337167/


	9. and you're free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> half a playlist and the outfits are "linked" in the notes

Everyone copes with suicide differently. While everyone mourn the one passing, people are unique and it’s only natural to react individually.

 

Minseok and Luhan dealt with it similarly since they sought out comfort in one another. They had been friends with Yixing but not as close as Zitao and Yifan. Luhan would spend hours at the gym or at the field to distract himself when memories came flooding back. Minseok was found wherever Luhan was, never wanting to be alone since he had no siblings to talk to and he was too scared to talk with his parents.

 

The two hadn’t visited the grave since the funeral, both scared of their own emotions since even thinking of their past friend made them choke up. So they decided to practically ignore it, they never brought it up with one another and when one of them had been thinking too much they would silently comfort each other with hugs and kind words.

 

Baekhyun went to therapy and tried to recover his best. SInce Junmyeon had started going to talk about his father and the sexuallharassment he encouraged Baekhyun to go as well. Depression was hard to tackle by yourself and his new found friend refused to lose anyone more. It felt good to have a grown up actually listen to him and the middle aged woman felt safe. He went once every week and had by now almost moved into the Kim’s house after Yu-bin told him she was worried he’d be alone after something like this.

 

Surprisingly Taeyeon had been understanding of his situation when he told her, after his therapist convinced him to explain to the girl why he’d done what he’d done, it’d help him let go of that chapter of his life easier. She was still a little angry with him but she understood where he came from and made sure that he understood she didn’t hold a grudge against him and that they could be friends. 

 

Zitao was angry with Yixing for taking his own life. Angry that he didn’t reach out about something as serious as sexualassult from his own father, angry that he had reached out to Yixing that day in the park, angry that Yixing didn’t consider his friends feelings before leaving them. If he’d only had seen the amount of people attending his funeral maybe he’d reconsider. The blonde thought Yixing was selfish for not even sparing his mother, Yifan or him a thought before taking those pills.

 

He felt so guilty for having such spiteful thoughts about one of his best friends, especially after losing him. But that was his natural reaction to the events and according to his mother it wasn’t odd to feel angry. After all Zitao had loved him like a brother and cared for him so deeply it had crushed him when he got the news. Because he couldn’t do anything. 

 

In the end Zitao tried to change for Yixing. He stopped hanging with the wrong people and very slowly integrated into the very group of people he’d terrorized since freshman year. Yifan was proud of him for trying to change and Junmyeon was more than happy to help him which was confusing for him. But he was thankful nonetheless. 

 

Yifan was devastated and right after the news were out he hadn’t been working like an ordinary person. Forgetting to eat, staying at home or with Zitao and his usual cocky and bitter attitude dulled down to pretty much nothing. He was too lost in mourning to talk to Junmyeon and immersed himself in his own sorrow and dark thoughts. The funeral had been the ending he’d needed to keep going. His last goodbye made him able to keep on. 

 

He had to pick himself up and soon started talking to Junmyeon again and soon after the smaller confessed. Junmyeon had been great to be around, him and his mother. It had only made it worse to be at home with his dad. Because you can’t be happy everyday, but there’s something to be happy about everyday.

 

Today however wasn’t the best day. Junmyeon and Yifan had went to Yixing’s grave to leave some flowers which in itself was something they felt a little doubtful about doing. But they missed him. Yifan missed him so much.

 

“I still can’t wrap my head around what happened…” Yifan breathed as they sat on the grass covered in morning dew by Yixing’s simple grave stone, his name carved in traditional chinese characters. 1999-2016. Too young...

 

Junmyeon took one of Yifan’s large hands in his, giving him a sad smile then leaning his head against his shoulder. There still was a framed picture of a happy Yixing grinning at the camera sat out and it was now accompanied by the bouquet of flowers Yifan had bought.

 

Yu-bin had offered to buy it but Yifan wanted to use his own money even if it was expensive. They were for someone special and he wanted them to be from him.

 

“Sometimes when I wake up I forget and I think about texting him. Then I read through our old conversations and it feels so unreal. I can see the pictures we’ve taken together and the happy messages and I don’t understand. I can’t get it into my head he’s gone.”

 

Yifan wiped his eyes with a sigh, deciding to take both Junmyeon’s hands in his. “Out of everyone he deserved it the least. He was too good.”

 

“I know. For the little time I knew him I got that vibe of him you know, that all he wanted to do was to help. But Yifan, he’s in a better place now. I’m not sure if you are religious or not. But I’m a buddhist and Yixing was a good person, even if he might not reach Nirvana but he’ll be born into a new family.”

 

Yifan looked at him, pressing his lips against the black silky hair of his boyfriend, his dark brown roots were starting to show. “Somewhere in the world Yixing is a little baby in the arms of people who love him, a family that will care for him. Maybe someday you’ll meet him again, just as a different person.”

 

“I’m not a buddhist, but maybe I should consider being one? If we’re going to die as well, I want to be with you in the same afterlife. Maybe I could meet Yixing there as well. I really hope he ends up in a family that loves him.”

 

“Everyone deserves love.” Junmyeon whispered and squeezed Yifan’s hands. A few tears slipped down the blonde’s cheeks and Junmyeon was quick to reach up to brush them to the side, then placing a small kiss to his left cheekbone. “It’s okay to cry.”

 

Yifan’s face twisted with sorrow as he leaned down to hide in the crook of Junmyeon’s neck. “I miss him so much.” He whispered, voice wavering from trying not to sob. With a shaky breath Junmyeon wrapped his arms around the other and pulled him close, caressing his back to comfort him. After all there wasn’t much to do. He’d gone through this before, his thoughts on afterlife and rebirth, when he comforted Baekhyun.

 

They stayed like that for a while, even after Yifan had collected himself and told the black haired boy some stories about him and Yixing. Eventually they stood up, said their last goodbyes before leaving the graveyard.

 

It was an early morning and they enjoyed the fairly empty streets while walking back home to Junmyeon hand in hand, their fingers laced together. Even if there were downs there were always ups and that was what Junmyeon had thought Yifan.

 

He always wondered how he could stay to kind and loving of other people with what he’d been through. Spare his lithe built and lack of muscle he was tough like stone. Yifan envied that a lot in his boyfriend.

 

At the house Baekhyun was just on his way out to walk the dogs and they greeted each other before walking into the house and made breakfast for themselves and then settled in Junmyeon’s bed huddled up under his duvet to eat the toast and watch some funny videos to cheer up. 

 

Occasionally Yifan would steal a kiss or two, telling him he had cream cheese on his lips or cheeks with a small grin. It wasn’t until the other right out licked across the corner of Junmyeon’s lips the latter shrieked and squirmed away.

 

Yifan laughed and watched the other wipe his lips as if to check if he actually had something there as his cheeks grew pink. “Come on baby you’re so cute when you eat, you look like a little bunny.” He mused and wrapped his arms around the flustered male, forcing them both down with his weight. Junmyeon pouted and looked up at him through his bangs, Yifan just laughed.

 

“You really do! A tiny little bunny, like your plushies. You’re my bunny Myeon.” He punctuated with a kiss to his nose and Junmyeon just grinned at how right out cheesy and silly Yifan actually was. 

 

“What does that make you then? If I’m a tiny bunny?” Yifan kissed down to his neck and nuzzled against the back of his ear. 

 

“A scared wolf maybe.” Was the eventual reply and Junmyeon hummed, throwing a leg over Yifan’s to pull him closer. “That’s why we fit, even if I’m big and scary deep down I’m just as scared as you.”

 

Junmyeon leaned down, pressing their foreheads together with a sigh, caressing Yifan’s dirty blonde hair as the silence washed over them like a blanket. “I really love you. I think I really do Kris.”

 

“Thank you.” Yifan leaned in, brushing their lips together gently, enjoying the feeling of the slight quiver in the other’s bottom lip as he took a deep breath before pressing their lips together. Junmyeon closed his eyes and as carefully as ever moving his lips against his boyfriend’s, feeling the slightly chapped lips against his own.

 

He grabbed onto Yifan’s hand, lacing their fingers together as their tongues rolled back and forth, engaging one another in a lazy battle that Yifan gladly gave up on to feel Junmyeon’s tongue lick the back of his teeth.

 

“I think I really love you too.” Yifan whispered when pulling away, grinning as he got up on his elbow to look down at Junmyeon before leaning in to press their lips together a couple times. The raven giggled and cupped Yifan’s cheeks as he coaxed the latter into moving again. 

 

Junmyeon’s lips were red from kissing and his denim shorts started to feel uncomfortable. His hips shifted and with a blush he reached up to run his fingers through Yifan’s blonde hair, he almost lost it when the other ran the tip of his tongue along the seam of his lips. The smaller whimpered and in that second the door opened to his room.

 

“Oh! Oh I’m sorry uhm. Jun, honey?” Both boys went still and scrambled away from each other, faces completely red and Yifan didn’t even dare look up to meet Yu-bin’s eyes. “I was just going to say, I’m going out for a while, I need new shoes for work. I’m sorry I interrupted you can continue now if you want. Stay safe ,though.” She grinned and Junmyeon hid his face in his hands.

 

“Mom!” he whined and the woman laughed as she said another sorry then closed the door again. For maybe a minute they just sat there, too embarrassed to even speak. However the encounter had scared away his boner which maybe was a good thing. “She’s awful, she has no shame.”

 

Yifan laughed nervously as he listened to his boyfriend complain. “Maybe we should have locked the door?”

 

“I don’t have a lock..at least we were just kissing, can you imagine if she walked in on something else?” Junmyeon could barely get the words out and his cheeks burned. “Oh my god.” He yelped and shook his head, fanning his own face.

 

“Kissing? I thought we were making out.” Yifan hummed, reaching out to take the younger’s hand and pull him closer, kissing the flushed cheeks, cupping them and pressing a kiss on the tip of the other’s nose. 

 

“Kris.” He whined and pressed his face into his chest, not wanting to even be there anymore as Yifan laughed at him. “Stop laughing or you’ll never get to kiss me again.”

 

“You’d not be able to live with that either Myeon I heard that little sound you made. Was that a whimper? Did you like it that much?” Yifan asked, not trying to tease him and held a completely serious expression to Junmyeon’s surprise and he dumbly nodded.

 

“It was nice.” He managed to squeak out and the other just smiled, leaning in to steal another quick kiss. 

 

“I did feel you getting hard.”

 

“Yifan!

 

* * *

 

Whilst Chanyeol and Jongdae were more open about letting Zitao hang with them the rest were a little weary and Kyungsoo never showed up whenever Zitao was with them and it seemed to stress all of them out.

 

Sure they all were grateful for him helping Junmyeon out, they really were. But barriers were still there and to his surprise Zitao was too nervous to say he was sorry. He wasn’t sure how to start and how to not sound like a prick. He’d said sorry but it was obvious they wanted more. The blonde had been especially nasty towards Kyungsoo who was adopted by two women and that he had labeled himself as asexual. The list was long when it came to that poor kid and it would take a lot to cross it all over.

 

Junmyeon tried to make sure everyone were okay but it was hard. He himself did have a hard time with Zitao and the latter obviously had issues changing so drastically in social circles. He seemed uncomfortable around the others and the same went for everyone else. Maybe he’d just created a bigger mess by trying to be nice.

 

Yifan assured him that it would get better, all they needed was some time and Zitao needed to swallow whatever he held onto and ask what he could do to make it better. But most of the time the blonde hung out with Luhan and Minseok so at least he wasn’t alone. That was all that mattered to Junmyeon right now.

 

Currently Junmyeon was sitting alone on the lawn with his empty backpack on the grass and eyes cast on the sky, making out shapes in the clouds as he waited for Yifan to end his classes so they could go home together. The other was supposed to actually go home today and he didn’t like the thought about being separated, the boy had gotten used to being enveloped in his arms when waking up every morning and eating breakfast with him and Baekhyun.

 

But apparently his dad had begun asking for him and he said he’d just have to be there for a few days and then he’d go back to spending more time at his house again. So they were walking home today before they had to part. 

 

Junmyeon had started writing a journal after his psychologist tipped him on doing so, writing down good and bad things from each day, how he felt and what he did. It was a fun thing to look back on and he could hopefully read about himself becoming happier. He had just tucked the simple red felt book into his backpack after writing down a few paragraphs about how he felt about being without Yifan. Also how he seemed to fall deeper in love with the taller boy every day.

 

He’d never felt so safe before, maybe when his mother would hold him and sing to him when he was little, but with Yifan it was different. Maybe it had something to do with how he seemed to naturally smell like wood and  _ home _ . Yifan was bigger than him, Junmyeon was sure he’d grow more as well, but the other could easily rest his chin on his head and basically wrap his whole body around him.

 

It was comforting. Yifan was comforting. He really wished that he didn’t have to go.

 

Eventually the other came out, a smile on his lips as he kicked some grass on his boyfriend who pouted and brushed it off, Yifan giggled and kneeled down. “Did you have to wait too long?”

 

“No, it’s fine.” Junmyeon said as he sat up, pecking Yifan on the cheek before grabbing his backpack and standing up, grabbing a handful of grass as he did to toss in the latter’s face as revenge. 

 

The blonde spluttered and waved his hand to get the grass from not hitting him, only saving himself briefly. “Okay okay, no more grass tossing! Let’s get you home before dinner. Is Baek still at your house?” Yifan said as he picked grass from his hair and then put an arm around Junmyeon’s shoulders as they walked towards the buss stop.

 

“Yeah, he’ll stay over until his parents come home I think. Mom doesn’t feel good with letting him be alone after what he’s been through. She refuses to let him walk the same path as Lay. And I enjoy the extra company, it got so empty without mom at home.”

 

“Good, in a few days I’ll be back in your bed to coddle you to death. I’m going to miss kissing you every morning and night. If I got a job do you think I could move in?” Yifan asked, grinning as they stood by the stop and waited for the next bus to come. 

 

“Probably, you just have to ask my mom, but I’m sure she’d be happy if you were away from your dad. I don’t know about the legal stuff though, but I’d love having you in my house permanently.”

 

“Mhm, I’ll see what I can do.” Yifan smiled and nuzzled his nose behind Junmyeon’s ear and the latter squirmed and pushed at his chest as the bus slowed in to pick them up, giggling and whining. “You’re so cute.” He said and patted his butt when walking on the bus.

 

The chose a seat in the back so they could be cuddly without too many people looking at them. Junmyeon by the window and Yifan pressed up to his shoulder as they had their fingers threaded together in Junmyeon’s lap. “I’ll subtly bring the idea up to my mom. She’s not working tomorrow so I could say it at dinner.”

 

“Sounds good. But I don’t want to intrude either, I know we must already be pushing her budget, me and Baek. She has two more mouths to feed.”

 

“She said she doesn’t care already and Baek does give her a few hundred dollars as support when his parents send him money. SInce he doesn’t have to pay for his own food my mother gets them to feed us.”

 

“She’s a good woman.”

 

“She really is. I was lucky.”

 

Yifan grinned and kissed his temple, brushing his thumb over the smaller hand tucked into his. “Will you be the same as a parent? Will you take care of  _ our _ kids as well as she takes care of you and us?”

 

Heat traveled up the back of his neck and Junmyeon knew he had to be redder than the traffic light the bus had stopped at as Yifan leaned closer, then pressed his lips against his ear. He fidgeted and his eyes were wide. 

 

“I-I.” He stuttered, not sure what to say. The thought of him and Yifan with kids made something inside him flutter and he imagined the two of them cooing at a toddler who was just learning to walk, the smile on Yifan’s face when they’d say their first word. Taking a stuttering breath he turned to face the blonde. “I will. I’ll be the best dad ever.”

 

“Hm...I’m not so sure you will be, because I’m definitely going to be the best dad ever. You can be the sweetest dad ever.” Yifan moved his hand from Junmyeon’s to wrap his arm around his shoulder and pulled him closer. “Is that a deal? Together we will be the most amazing parents ever.”

 

“Y-yeah. Deal. We’ll be the parents ours could never be.” Junmyeon held out his pinky. “Promise me that Kris. Promise me we will treat our kids well.”

 

“Of course.” Yifan wrapped his pinky around his boyfriend's, smiling over how small it was compared to his. “I won’t touch a beer ever and I will set a good influence for our little angels.” Junmyeon smiled widely, entertaining the idea of adopting kids with Yifan really sounded amazing. Of course they were too young now, but maybe in some years, after college, if they still loved each other they could settle down in a small house somewhere pretty and raise kids.

 

When Junmyeon’s stop came up none of them were so keen to the idea of separating and the raven basically sat in Yifan’s lap as he kissed and hugged him goodbye. “We’ll see each other tomorrow.” He laughed and Junmyeon just kissed him again with a pout.

 

“So? I’ll still miss you. Take care okay, call me tonight? Bye.” Junmyeon waved at him and smiled sadly while walking off. Yifan watched him stand outside the bus, holding up his hands to form a little heart and he quickly breathed hot air onto the window as passengers walked onto the bus. With a long finger he drew a heart in the fog and his insides filled with warmth at the way Junmyeon smiled until his eyes disappeared. 

 

Something with turning his back towards Yifan as the bus left the stop and he walked back to his house felt so wrong and he couldn’t help but feel uneasy. But there wasn’t much he could do as he walked in, locked the door, and headed up to his room. 

 

Baekhyun was at his psychologist right now so he wouldn’t be home for another hour. But the two dogs were there to greet him and Junmyeon smiled as he cooed at them in a baby voice, ruffling their fur. In return he got wet kisses before he changed their water, he’d take them for a walk later when Baekhyun came home.

 

* * *

 

Junmyeon had brushed it off yesterday when Yifan hadn’t called him. Maybe he had gone to sleep early to avoid his dad, which he had done before. But when not replying to any of his or Luhan’s texts that morning he started to feel a little worried and even more so when he arrived to school and Yifan was nowhere to be seen. 

 

If he was sick he’d probably call him or at least send a text. Yifan knew how worried everyone were of him going back home and staying there. Junmyeon was looking at his phone every minute to see if it would light up with a message from Yifan, but all he got was worried replies from Zitao, Luhan and Minseok. 

 

“Jun. Jun focus. Where are you?” Kyungsoo whispered and the raven looked up, licking his lips and nodded. “Hey what’s wrong? You look really anxious. Has something happened?” Junmyeon hadn’t told anyone yet since one, they weren’t that close with Yifan. And two, they weren’t sure anything was actually wrong. Luhan brought up the time when Yifan overslept and they had worried. 

 

“It’s just, it’s not much. Kris isn’t replying to any texts or calls but he could just have overslept.” Junmyeon said with a shrug and grabbed his pen to doodle something in his text book. “I’m just worried, he doesn’t ignore texts you know.”

 

Kyungsoo furrowed his brows and nodded, nudging his friend in the rib gently and offers a small smile. “I bet it’s okay, like you said maybe he just overslept. I’m sure he’ll show up at lunch, it’s still just morning classes.”

 

“Yeah, I hope so.” Junmyeon smiled back carefully then tried his best to focus on the subject but things did just not feel right.

 

When lunch hours rolled in there was still no sign of Yifan and Luhan had come talk to him in case their friend had told him something but no, nothing. They started to get more and more worried. 

 

“What if something serious has happened.” Junmyeon whimpered as he stared at the dozens of texts he had sent that were left as delivered. He started to feel sick at the thoughts that ran through his head, flashbacks of his own abuse filtering through when he thought of what might have happened. 

 

“It could, this really isn’t like Kris as all, sure he’s distant, but he always makes sure to text back. That’s it, I’m going to his house. If he’s not there I’m going to the police.” Luhan muttered and Junmyeon jumped in his seat and looked at the other. He did have a car.

 

“I’ll go with you.” Junmyeon said and gathered his things and so did Luhan. The rest of them told the two to keep them updated as they covered up for them and with that Luhan and Junmyeon snuck out of school to drive over to Yifan’s house.

 

“There’s no need to worry yet though, let’s not think too much before getting there. Okay?” Luhan said as he started up his truck and drove away from the school’s parking lot and down the road to Yifan’s house.

 

The whole ride was quiet, Junmyeon didn’t want to talk, he just tried to focus on scenarios when they arrived and Yifan opened the door with an apologetic expression or tired smile, explaining the situation in a completely logical manner and they could take a breath again.

 

He could’ve broken or lost his phone, overslept or maybe he had accidentally locked himself in in some way. 

 

Before he knew it Luhan pulled up in the parking lot outside of Yifan’s apartment complex and Junmyeon took in the two story apartment with gray fraying paint and a dirty metal ceiling. There was a trashcan toppled over and the remains were blown away by wind. 

 

“There, second floor. 33.” Luhan said and pointed at a door, Junmyeon nodded and looked at the old wooden door, some of it was scratched up and he wondered if they had issues with some kind of animal. They walked up the stairs and over to the door and knocked. 

 

Luhan leaned his ear against the wall to see if he could hear anything but didn’t manage to pick anything up then knocked again, harder. “Kris, bro? You home?” He called, hands cupping his mouth as he yelled into the crack of the door. They both frowned when they got no reply for a good three minutes. 

 

“Something happened Lu, something must have happened.” Junmyeon whispered, tears threatening to fall as he tugged at Luhan’s shirt who to was beginning to panic a little. “Can’t we get in somewhere?” He asked and leaned over the rail to try look into the window on the side of the building but it was closed and way too far up not to hurt themselves. 

 

“Shit I don’t know the windows are usually locked. We should go to the police maybe-”

 

“I’m sorry. Are you looking for Mr. Andersson?” A young woman with messy short black hair asked as she peeked out from the other side of the door, holding a baby in her arms.

 

“Who is-” Junmyeon said but luhan interrupted.

 

“Yeah, do you know where he and his son are?” She frowned and nodded. Junmyeon gripped Luhan’s shirt, swallowing the lump in his throat. 

 

“The old woman living underneath called the cops on him last night. She heard yelling and loud noises then something broke. I came home to two police cars and an ambulance. Mr. Andersson was taken by the police and all I saw the ambulance rush off but I can only assume that Yifan was in it...no one’s been back since yesterday I’m sorry.” 

 

Junmyeon was shaking and Luhan was nodding, holding back his own fear as he thanked the woman and rushed back down to his car with Junmyeon following. “What if he’s badly hurt!” The latter cried as he slammed the door shut after him and barely managed to buckle up before Luhan was half speeding in the direction of the closest hospital.

 

“I know! Call Tao, it’s clear that his dad did something. We just need to find him and make sure he’s okay. Tao has his sister’s number, she should know what has happened!” Junmyeon rubbed his eyes and tried to grab his phone but his hands were shaking and he couldn’t manage to type in the right code.

 

“Lu…” He whimpered and let out a sob. The other slowed down and turned his head to look at Junmyeon who was panicing. 

 

“Hey, hey Jun it’s going to be okay. Do you want me to pull over? Are you having a panic attack?” Junmyeon shook his head and wiped his eyes with the edge of his shirt and took a shuddering breath in.

 

“I-I’m scared. What if he’s really  _ really _ badly hurt and-and...the last time it happened to me I couldn’t move, I couldn’t move without being in pain for days.” Junmyeon looked at Luhan and handed over his phone with a shaking hand. “C-can you just type in my code? I-I’m okay.”

 

Luhan typed in the code and handed it over to Junmyeon with a worried look, but right now they just had to get to the hospital and hopefully Yifan would be at the first one. “Hey, Tao...he’s in the hospital, an ambulance was outside the apartment and his dad was taken by the police-I don’t know… we’re on our way, I don’t know how he is yet.”

 

“Could you text me Kris’ sisters number? In case we can’t find him. Thanks. I’ll tell you when I know. Okay. Yeah, yeah I’m okay, Luhan is okay. Just really worried. Okay, bye.” 

 

At the hospital they talked to the receptionist and Yifan’s sister had talked to him on the phone quickly, they were on their way to the right hospital and Yifan was fine. At the moment he was asleep and she’d meet them at the lobby. Junmyeon called Zitao back and would text him the room number later when they knew.

 

To know that Yifan was alive made him feel like he could relax some and when they met Yifan’s sister Melody by the reception she assured them he was fine and would be okay. There was nothing seriously wrong and he had been awake when she came but being awake most of the night. However, he did get hit by a glass bottle over the head during some argument with his dad and it ended up becoming physical.

 

Junmyeon felt a new lump in his throat when hearing about the abuse and hurried his steps up even more as they came closer and she opened the door to Yifan’s room where he was resting. She had mentioned he had to stitch it up but Junmyeon hadn’t expected to see Yifan bald when he saw his boyfriend on the bed. But it obviously had to be done to patch him back up without any issue.

 

He teared up and walked up to him and Luhan too felt a few tears roll down his cheeks, both happy that the other was fine. There was a patch over the scar at the side of his head and there were a few small cuts on his face, one on his brow and one on his cheek, probably from the glass that went flying. Junmyeon held the other’s hand as Melody told them what the doctor had told her.

 

“He’s fine after going through the brain scans and he shows no sign of memory loss, he knew what happened and he knows who everyone are. He’s going to stay here for a day or two to be under supervision in case anything happens. Then he’ll move back to my place for now, mom isn’t in the country apparently but she’s been notified dad is going to prison and Yifan will live with me until we can find another solution.”

 

Luhan nodded and hugged her as well. “Are you okay?” She nodded and rubbed her face. “The others are coming after school. I’ll call them now though to let them know okay.”

 

Junmyeon was caressing Yifan’s hand with his thumb, his lips pressed against the knuckles of Yifan’s larger hand. He was beyond grateful that Yifan made it out okay, that nothing more had happened, that Yifan wasn’t severely hurt. 

 

“So you’re his boyfriend?” Melody murmured when Luhan left the room to make his call and Junmyeon wiped his tears. “He talks about you a lot when I call him. You make him happy, and as I understand it he’s stayed at your house for some time.”

 

“Yeah. I just live with my mother, well Baekhyun is staying in the guest room we set up, but I knew he was in a bad place and I’ve been there. I hoped to be a safe place. I’m glad I make him happy.” Junmyeon leaned back and moved to carefully sit on the edge of Yifan’s bed.

 

“After a while, after he’s healed up properly and don’t have to go back to the hospital to check up his state, he can go back if you want. I don’t think he’d like to live with me and my boyfriend that much, plus it’s far from school. We just need to sort things out with the police and the state to make sure he can live with me since he’s still young.”

 

“I’d like that, a lot. I was without him one night and I missed him. I never realised how dependant I am of other people and being surrounded by life. I get really anxious and scared when I’m alone.”

 

“Understandable.” She smiled and patted his shoulder. “I’m going down to the café to get something to eat. I’ll get you two something as well, I’ll be right back.” Junmyeon nodded and looked back at Yifan, when Melody opened the door he could hear Luhan speaking in mandarin, probably with Zitao, before it faded as the door was closed again.

 

The black haired boy leaned down and pressed a kiss to Yifan’s temple. “I’m so happy you’re alright. I was so scared. So scared you were hurt badly. I hope you won’t have to go through more of this now.”

 

His fingers brushed over Yifan’s chin and down to the edge of the green sweater he wore. Junmyeon smiled a little as he saw the small twitches in the pinch of his boyfriends face when his fingers brushed over his collar bone. 

 

“Hey, there’s a shop like, down the road if you wanna go get something before he wakes up. I was thinking of getting some flowers.” Luhan murmured from the door and Junmyeon pulled away.

 

“Sounds good, we should probably let him sleep for now yeah?” He stood up carefully not to wake him up then followed Luhan out the door and down to a small shop next to the hospital, probably set up to get these gifts easy.

 

They were overpriced and there wasn’t much to choose from. But Junmyeon found a white teddy bear with a heart shaped nose and wore a small t-shirt saying “i love you” and he got that together with some of Yifan’s favorite candy from the café. Luhan got a bouquet of red tulips and a get well card.

 

Melody sat in a chair next to the bed eating a club sandwich and Yifan was still asleep. Luhan set up the flowers and Junmyeon placed the teddy bear at the crook of Yifan’s arm, the candy set on the table next to the flowers.

 

They ate the cookies Melody got for them and just talked for a few hours until Yifan began to stir and mumble rubbing his eyes with his fists. “Mel?” He muttered and blinked carefully lowering his hand back onto the bed. Junmyeon shot up from the chair and looked at his boyfriend who lit up as he saw the raven. “Jun.” He breathed. “Luhan..”

 

“You better not scare me like that again you ass I started crying.” Luhan said, tears again rolling down his cheeks as he grinned stupidly at his friend who chuckled tiredly, rubbing his nose then motioning for Junmyeon to come closer to the bed, accidentally knocking the bear off the bed.

 

Junmyeon kneeled down to pick it up and placed it back on Yifan’s chest before sitting down to hug him. “Are you feeling okay?” Yifan nodded, caressing his back gently.

 

“I’m sorry I scared you all, it’s okay now though. I’m okay, I don’t have to be around him anymore.” Yifan smiled and leaned in to kiss Junmyeon. “We’re both good and free now right?”

 

Junmyeon nodded and kissed the top of Yifan’s head. “It’s odd seeing you without hair. Will you let it grow out to your natural color? I’ve never seen you in anything but blonde.” He grinned and Luhan laughed.

 

“He better let his hair rest! He’s been bleaching it for years!” Melody agreed and Yifan rolled his eyes at them as he kissed the boy in front of him again, the teddy stuck between their chests as they shared sweet kisses.

 

A few hours later the room was filled with everyone trying to fit on the bed and two chairs, talking to Yifan and giving him flowers or candy they got on the way there from school. Junmyeon had a permanent spot next to Yifan, leaning against his side and sneaking kisses now and then.

 

They would have to leave soon though, but when Yifan pulled him into his lap before leaving, holding him close and kissing his cheek then slotting their lips together, the uneasy feeling was gone. He could leave the room with a lingering look and a blown kiss from Yifan without being worried. 

 

Melody was going to stay for a little while more to talk to the doctors and Junmyeon promised to come by with Yifan’s homework and some good homemade food tomorrow. So with Baekhyun basically having to drag Junmyeon out of the hospital down to his car the latter couldn’t stop smiling.

 

He knew how good it felt when his own dad couldn’t reach him, even if he still was free. Yifan must feel like a weight has lifted from him. Junmyeon smiled when he watched the hospital disappeared in the mirror.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it's alright that i skip doing a full playlist for this chapter, I just can't find the energy to look up songs rn but ! also hello bald yifan! also bye bad dads !! I didn't want to leave on a cliff hanger bc idk when I'll update again and i didn't want it to be too unbearable to wait. but i hope you enjoyed this chapter and thank you for reading, do leave feedback ! <33 (also kokobop was such a great comeback i love my kings thank you for blessing me once again. my 3 albums are on their way to my house and i couldn't be happier, if i never update again i got 3 photo cards with junmyeon (also support kris wu with his new song 6))
> 
>  
> 
> I'll smile even if it hurts - ladies code
> 
> breathe - lee hi
> 
> walk on memories - exo
> 
> I love you - 2ne1
> 
> devine - snsd
> 
>  
> 
> Junmyeon:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909337648/
> 
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909337607/
> 
> Sehun:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909337561/
> 
> Yifan:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249913781809/
> 
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/44824958771534201/
> 
> Zitao:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909337705/
> 
> Chanyeol:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909337627/
> 
> Baekhyun:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909337163/
> 
> Kyungsoo:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909338422/
> 
> Jongin:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909338474/
> 
>  
> 
> Jongdae:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909338384/
> 
> Luhan:  
> https://www.pinterest.se/pin/303078249909338348/


	10. off we go

There was only a few weeks left until summer break and Yifan was allowed to remove the stitches from his scar. His hair had grown but they shaved it off a second time to be able to put on the medical tape to keep the scar from getting bigger than it was supposed to be. 

 

Junmyeon’s mother had swore up and down the whole house when he had come home after school and explained why he’d skipped the rest of the day the day it had happened. She together with her son attended the court with Yifan some time later and the latter’s father was sentenced to 15 years in prison, charged with attempt at murder and child abuse.

 

His mother who had been at her sister and going to an alcohol anonymous was sober since months back now but Melody, Yifan’s sister, was still set to have him at her house until he was okay. However as he was free from returning to the hospital Yifan integrated back into Junmyeon’s house.

 

It felt good to have Yifan back in his life and back in his bed. Junmyeon loved waking up with Yifan, brushing their teeth together and playing with Riceball in the yard with Baekhyun. Tulip wasn’t as energetic and would often just lay around while they ran around.

 

The summer road trip was planned and as it looked now it would be Baekhyun, Yifan, Junmyeon, Chanyeol and Amber who were going. The rest had plans or other things to do. Sehun was getting closer to Zitao actually and they signed up for a dancing class during summer. 

 

Kyungsoo and Jongin didn’t feel like it, Luhan, Minseok and Jongdae weren’t in the mood. But Jongdae might actually come but he wasn’t entirely sure just yet. Seulgi was of course spending her break with her girlfriend. 

 

They had about three weeks left until they were going and Yu-bin was glad that Junmyeon was experiencing life and having fun. Of course she only agreed if he called her once every night and texted to make sure she knew he was okay. Melody was all for the road trip and sponsored them with some money for food and gas.

 

Junmyeon looked forward to it a lot. He never did much and here he was soon on his way on his own with his friends. It was going to be fun and with him and Yifan getting more comfortable around each other for each passing day he couldn’t wait but to be alone with him. Well, at least not supervised by his mother.

 

She had come home one day with a pack of condoms and left on his bed without saying anything. When he and Yifan came into his room they both blushed and Junmyeon placed them into a drawer without saying a word.

 

Sure he wanted to be with Yifan like that, he knew it would be nothing like when he was assaulted at the party and the taller would never think of hurting him. But it was still scary in more ways than only the fuzzy memories he rather forget.

 

Those thoughts resurfaced again as Yifan had his hand down Junmyeon’s sweatpants palming his erection in his large warm hand and tongue moving together with his erotically. They had jerked each other off twice before. Once in the morning when Yifan woke up with an erection and they took care of that in the shower.

 

The second was during a makeout session that got a little too touchy, but they hadn’t done more than that yet. 

 

Junmyeon let out a small moan and jerked his hips up into the warm palm wanting,  _ needing _ , more pressure. Yifan was rutting against his thigh to relieve himself and all Junmyeon could feel was overwhelmed, but he wanted more.

 

“Please touch me more Yifan.” He breathed and clutched onto the collar of his t-shirt, not being able to grab at the short black strands of hair. The taller groaned and pulled away to grip his sweatpants and pulled them down together with his underwear. Junmyeon had never really thought about his body and how it looked much before.

 

He still wasn’t self conscious in any way, but he was such a contrast to Yifan. He was broader, taller and actually had some muscle under his tan skin while Junmyeon adorned a bit of a tummy. And while talking size Junmyeon felt slightly jealous at how big Yifan was, he had to be bigger than average.

 

Comparing his own dick to Yifan’s he felt a little bothered because it was unfair. Sure all his body parts probably were large and why would that leave out his dick? 

 

Junmyeon lifted his hips and let the pants be slid off then Yifan got his own pants off and tossed them to the side. “ I want to try something.” He murmured and now with both of them naked from their hips down Yifan leaned down to kiss his boyfriend. The younger nodded and let his mouth open and rolled is tongue against the other’s.

 

Yifan began with rolling their hips together and both let out quiet muffled moans. They didn’t know if or when Yu-bin was getting up but they did not want to risk her walking in on them like this so they kept it low. The kisses helped to keep the sounds at bay but the friction was making the both of them go crazy.

 

“You’re amazing.” The taller whispered as he ran a hand down from his chest to his hips, rubbing his thumb into the hipbone as he rocked their hips together and kissed a spot under his jaw.

 

“You are. You make me feel so good.” Junmyeon’s voice was breathy and hands trembling, cupping Yifan’s cheeks and pulling him up for a kiss. “I love you.” He whispered and smiled.

 

A few moments of silence and smiling was exchanged then he lifted his hand and spit into his large palm a few times. “I’m sorry, you still don’t have any lube and we should use some kind of lubricant.” Yifan shrugged and Junmyeon just laughed, shifting further up on the bed to rest his head on a pillow.

 

“I’ll have to invest in that I guess. It’s not that expensive.” Junmyeon hummed, blushing as he watched both their erect cocks rubbing together. He bit into his bottom lip as he watched Yifan first take himself in his hand and with a low groan stroked himself a few times.

 

His own cock twitched in interest at the sight and he had to put a hand over his mouth not to moan out as Yifan took them both in his hand and with gentle pressure. Yifan let out a shuddering breath as he began to jerk them both off with a steady hand.

 

Junmyeon who was trying to piece together how his boyfriend found out about this since it hadn’t crossed his mind to be able to jerk the both of them off at the same time and he could feel his heart beat frantically in excitement. Not to say it felt amazing, his eyes were lidded as he watched every little move from where his head was lifted from the bed.

 

Yifan was situated between the other’s legs and leaned his forehead against Junmyeon’s as he flicked his wrist quickly. They were both forcing back moans and grunts, instead all that could be heard was the slick sound of Yifan’s hand and their laboured breath.

 

Within seconds the raven was starting to get close and while being a little embarrassed over how quick he was. His hips moved to thrust into the calloused hand grasping them and he could see beads of pre cum oozing out from the tip of Yifan’s dick and trickle down to his own before being caught by the latter's hand and used as lubricant. 

 

It made him shiver, clutching onto the sheets. “I-Yifan...I’m close.” He whimpered, reaching his hands up to cup his cheeks and pull him down into a kiss. The other lost his focus for a few seconds before he picked up speed. With a choked moan Junmyeon’s hips lifted from the bed to push into his hand as their lips slotted together. 

 

Kissing was Junmyeon’s favourite thing though, he loved the feeling of the other’s plush slightly dry lips against his. He felt so cared for and special at each press of lips. Moaning quietly into the kiss his fingers carefully ran over his short black hair, feeling the soft strands under his fingertips. 

 

“I want to watch you when you come..” Yifan murmured against his lips, pressing a last kiss to his pink lips and pulled away. Junmyeon felt his heart flutter and his cheeks flare up at the comment and he spluttered over swords as he moved to cover the lower parts of his face with a hand.

 

Junmyeon felt the orgasm build up in his lower stomach and he was unable to look away from Yifan’s burning gaze, sweat dripping down the side of his face down to his chin. Brows were drawn together in concentration and teeth biting into his bottom lip.

 

Huffing out heavy breaths Yifan himself felt the approaching climax in the pit of his stomach and watching the lidded shining eyes, flushed cheeks and black matted hair sticking to Junmyeon’s forehead didn’t help. He was completely enchanting like this.

 

With a few jerks of his hips and a choked moan Junmyeon spilled out over Yifan’s hand and his own shirt that stuck to his skin with sweat. He threw his hand away from his mouth and onto the bed as he gasped for air, thighs trying to close together but Yifan’s body kept them spread. “Yifan…” Junmyeon whispered, close to a sob as the named boy continued to jerk his hand.

 

It wasn’t usual for them to use their birth names, they often stuck to the nicknames they had but when in the haze of just coming Junmyeon didn’t want to call any other name than that. His whole body shuddered when Yifan let go of his softening cock to bring himself to completion. 

 

He fought back a groan as he thrusted into his own hand, leaning down to bury his face in the crook of Junmyeon’s neck, lips lazily pressing against the expanse of his neck. Junmyeon still swirling in bliss wrapped his arms around the other, fingers massaging the base of his scalp and lips caught at his cheek as he breathed. 

 

“Yifan.” He said again, whispering into his ear with a smile on his lips. Junmyeon could feel the warm puffs of breath and hand moving against his skin.

 

“Junmyeon..” He moaned and with a last twist of his wrist came over the smaller’s thighs. Yifan let out a sigh and slumped down over Junmyeon, his heavy body falling to the side to make sure he didn’t crush him.

 

They both let out a little laugh and Junmyeon closed his legs, ignoring the sticky drying texture as he kissed Yifan on the brow. “We should shower. And probably throw our clothes in the washer.” 

 

“I want to cuddle.” Yifan complained, wrapping a arm around his boyfriend and pulled him closer so he was unable to escape.

 

“We can cuddle after i shower and am not covered in jizz?” He murmured, nuzzling closer. “We’ll feel fresher if we cuddle after a shower.” 

 

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 

It was the day of take off and they had packed several bags into Baekhyun’s car. Junmyeon’s mother was supposed to take care of the dogs while they were gone and they had said goodbye to everyone in their friendship circle. 

 

They were supposed to drop by at Kibum’s house on their way back just to pay a quick visit. First they were going through Georgia down to Florida and then back up again. They had a few tents packed into the back and money enough for a few nights at some cheap motels.

 

Currently they were packing the last bags into the car and in the end Jongdae came along as well, taking Ambers spot since she decided to sign up for the dance class as well instead, so they were still full in the car. Jongdae got to sit in the front to fix the music, Baekhyun behind the wheel and the rest in the back.

 

Junmyeon was sitting in the middle with two giants next to him. It was a little cramped but Chanyeol was giving them some space and Junmyeon was as close as Yifan as he could. He grinned as he got into the car, freezer bag and backpack by his feet as Yifan buckled up. 

 

“Everyone ready?” Baekhyun asked as he started the car up and everyone nodded. “Then let’s go! Our first stop is Winfield to sleep for the night and maybe one day of exploring in Georgia as well.”

 

“I’m so ready, I got snacks and drinks in the bag so just ask if you need anything!” Junmyeon said, buckling himself up and hooking his arm with Yifan’s. He leaned his head against his shoulder and grinned.

 

“Perfect, let’s go boys!” 

 

With that they were off, driving out of the city and onto the highway with their summer playlist blasting and windows rolled down, making their hair fly in all places. Before going Junmyeon had gone to a salon to dye his hair. The heat was too much heat to have black hair so he had gone for a dark blonde. 

 

Baekhyun had bleached and re-dyed his hair into a ash brown. Jongdae had his usual brown hair and Chanyeol had gone brown as well. Yifan of course had his short black hair, a baseball cap in his lap that he used when walking out. 

 

They were playing a game of never have i ever while snacking on the sandwiches Yu-bin packed down for them and drank the vitamin water. All of them badly singing along to the musics on the playlist and taking pee breaks now and then also a small break at a diner to get some real food around 5 pm after entering Georgia. 

 

It took a few hours and at one point Jongdae switched with Baekhyun to drive the last mile and then they reached their campground. They had put it out so that Yifan and Junmyeon got to share a tent and the other three got their own tent that was slightly bigger than the other two’s.

 

There were a few families and hikers around so it wasn’t like they were completely alone as they tried to set up their tents but they picked a spot a spot that was rather empty. 

 

“Hand me the pump I’ll fix the mattress and you do the tent.” Junmyeon hummed, hiking the sleeves of Yifan’s sweater up his arms that he had stolen from his wardrobe. The latter nodded and threw the pump over to the other who flinched away when it came flying.

 

“Oh my god I’m sorry Myeon, I should’ve just handed it to you.” Yifan muttered as he jogged over and leaned down to pick it up to hand it over, kissing his cheek with a frown. Junmyeon giggled and nodded. 

 

“It’s fine, don’t worry. I know you don’t mean harm baby.” He grinned, kissing him back before taking the pump and kneeled down to pump up their bed for the night. “You set it up I’m tired and would like to sleep soon after we eat dinner.”

 

“If Chanyeol comes back with food that is.” They both laugh and look over to Jongdae and Baekhyun who are already done with their tent and packing in their pillows and blankets.

 

Yifan smiles as he tries to get the tent up to his best ability, struggling with the sticks going through the small canals with his large fingers. But eventually he got it up and Junmyeon could push the double inflatable mattress into the tent while his boyfriend got their things to make it cozy in the tent.

 

“So what about heading down to the lake after we eat to watch the stars?” Yifan asked, wrapping his arms around the shorter and leaned down to press his nose under his ear, swaying them back and forth. 

 

Grabbing the beige cap on Yifan’s head Junmyeon nodded and placed it over his messy hair and grinned. “I’d love to watch the stars with you. Sounds so romantic.” He mused and kissed his cheek.

 

“Yeah I try. I thought it might be nice to sit by ourselves.” He mused and put both hands over his ass with a grin then chuckled as he gave his ass a squeeze. Junmyeon smiled and leaned his head against his chest and listened to his heart beat steadily. 

 

“Hey! Get back into the tent if you’re gonna fool around!” Jongdae yelled from across the trees and threw a pinecone at them laughing. Baekhyun laughed along and clapped his hands together.

 

“Yeol is back with dinner for us all so you better stop eating each other so we can dig into these sandwiches!” 

 

“I rather dig into your ass.” Yifan whispered into Junmeyon’s ear and nipped the lobe. The latter pushed him back and blushed.

 

“Oh my god Kris.” 

 

He muttered and slapped his arms as they walked over to sit at a bench together to eat. Chanyeol had gotten a few menus at subway and some snacks to feast on. So after a few good laughs and getting stuffed they separated again. The other three wanted to check out the area while Yifan and Junmyeon got their sleeping bags and headed to the lake with some chips.

 

They sat down at the edge of the water, laying the sleeping bags out to lie on comfortably and Yifan was quick to pull the younger into his embrace and kissed his cheek. “Did I ever tell you how good you look in this dark hair?” Junmyeon just giggled and nosed under Yifan's jaw.

 

“Not verbally that i can recall, however the lingering looks say enough Fanfan. It's noticeable how you just keep staring at me.” Yifan grinned and shrugged, wrapping a arm around him and leaning in to nose behind his ear, breathing out, “Can’t help it.”

 

Opening a bag of chips he took two and crammed them into his mouth before taking one and holding it out for Yifan who took it between his lips and ate it slowly as they watched the sun slowly move closer to hit the lake. The nature around them was drowned in golden light and Junmyeon felt warm with the other cuddled up against his back and his arm around his middle. “Can you see the stars?” 

 

Junmyeon leaned his head back to look at the sky and indeed saw two faint stars twinkling in the night as the sun gave out it’s last warming rays. “Mhm.” He hummed in agreement only to have Yifan sweep down to kiss him, the both of them falling down to the grass and Junmyeon giggled. Wrapping his arms around the other’s neck he pulled him down for a few more kisses.

 

“You’re so cute…” Yifan breathed and pressed a kiss to Junmyeon’s rosy cheek. The latter smiled and ran his thumb gently under Yifan’s eye, taking in the silly smile on his lips and the faint freckles over his nose and cheekbones that had started to appear after being out in the sun. He’d gained some more colour to his skin as well and Junmyeon thought it made him look ten times hotter. Especially in the shower.

 

“You’re the cute one.” Junmyeon objected and patted Yifan to lift them back up so he could eat more chips, shoving a hand into the bag before handing a few to his boyfriend. “You look really cute when you smile. I like it a lot, that you’re so happy now a days.”

 

“Well, life is getting a little better right now. After this I might have a job at the gas station for a few weeks before school starts and then we graduate..I don’t have to worry about my dad, I got a  _ adorable _ boyfriend and my mom is getting better.”

 

“God you’re so cheesy. But I love it.” Popping a chips in his mouth he grinned and ran a hand over the short black strands. “Any plans of what to do after graduation yet?” Yifan shrugged, opening another bag of chilli flavoured chips and then opened a can of sprite.

 

“Well not really, I definitely don’t have money enough to go to college and I don’t wanna be in debt for the rest of my life. I might work for a while to get some money and then try to find some school since I’m not even sure of what I want to do or be. I honestly wasn’t sure I’d even be alive at this point, I guess I was too anxious and depressed to even think about my future. I just wanted to move out.” Yifan sighed, looking at the sun finally dipping behind the horizon and it instantly felt a little chilly without the warmth and Junmyeon cuddled closer. “What was your plan again?”

 

“Well, I’m thinking of going back to Korea maybe. I’ve visited family there some times but like it’d be fun to try live there for a while I think, maybe study there. But I mean, I wouldn’t go without you and I’m not sure still. But you’re more than welcome to come with me if you want and don’t have any other plans.”

 

“Well who knows, maybe I should try find a job in Korea if you wanna study there. I’ll just go wherever you want, maybe I could be a translator or something if I learn more Korean.” Yifan thought out loud and looked up at the stars. “Do you think we’ll be together long enough for that? And you won’t get annoyed at me if we’d live together?”

 

“We basically already live together Yifan..” Junmyeon breathed and leaned his head on his shoulder, looking up at the now dark sky and smiled. “I think we can manage living in Korea together as well. And we could go to China for holidays.” 

 

“I’d like that a lot...I like you a lot.” Grinning down at Junmyeon he pulled him to lay down again, this time staying like that as they made plans of what to do in Korea and their summer vacation to Jeju island and Guangzhou so Yifan could show him where he was born. It wasn’t until hours later they walked back to their tent, the others gone to theirs long ago, and finally settling down to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me??? updating two stories in like 10 days?????? shocking right??? 
> 
> im gonna like drop the outfit links and playlist bc it takes a lot of time fixing that and i'm tired and like just wanna throw this chapter out here since i'm going off to work for 4-5 weeks and idk if i'll have much time to write and all or if i even have internet out there. but i hope you enjoyed the update bc like i saw a comment asking when i'd update and i felt so bad dishpsdh i'm sorry it was a lot this year with graduation and exams and shit but it's over now and who know, maybe i will be able to like actually write some.
> 
> thank you for reading, feedback is appreciated!


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